"Milord," Drumknott, the Patrician's chief clerk, coughed, "Mr. Pony of the Artisan's Guild,
Dezka-k'nik
Väljmanson and the Vice-Chancellor are in the waiting room. They say it's about the Axle in the Undertaking."
"Excellent. That saves me having to have Sgt. Detritus tell them that they have an appointment. Show them in."
Once the three had been seated around the Patrician's conference table and supplied with appropriate liquid refreshment, Vetinari opened the discussion.
"So, gentlemen, what can you tell me?"
The Chief Artificer and the University's Vice-Chancellor both nodded to Väljmanson. It was appropriate. Once Ankh-Morpork's subway (the Undertaking) had been designated a 'Long Dark', or officially a mine by the city's dwarfish population, it obviously needed a Chief Engineer or
dezka-k'nik
to oversee all subterranean operations. Väljmanson, in a show of amazing unanimity by a notoriously fractious folk, had been elected to the job and in that single vote had become the single most important dwarf in Ankh-Morpork. Since Ankh-Morpork was the largest dwarf city outside of Überwald, this put him very close to the Low Queen herself in the dwarven lower-archy.
"Your Lordship," he began gravely, "I have been in long discussion with Grag Bashfullsson and in all his research he can find nothing relating to the Ankh-Morpork Axle. It appears that the Deep Downers discovered it secretly and, against all law and custom, did not turn it over to the Low Queen. This crime deepens their shame."
Vetinari lifted an eyebrow and nodded. "I surmised as much. Fortunately, the Low Queen finds it ironic and amusing to further their ignominy by putting it on indefinite loan to the city. Therefore, our use of it has the full blessing of the Schmaltzberg court—which is convenient as I have no intention of giving it back! So, what else have you discovered?"
Mr. Pony spoke up. "As Captain Carrot pointed out, there seems to be no limit to the torque those counter-rotating cubes can generate. As far as I can tell it should drive the entire Undertaking, both the commercial and the passenger traffic. The streets of Ankh-Morpork are going to be far less congested in the coming years. And, to my mind, that means that they are going to have to be better paved and kept cleaner. I foresee more opportunities for Henry King, more employment for our gnolls, and a more pleasant city for us all."
"And considerably more employment for our expert stonecutters," Vetinari replied, once more acknowledging Väljmanson. "A lot of dwarf lads chaffing under the yoke of learning clerical vocations will be delighted at the chance for a more 'true dwarf' way of earning a living."
"They will, indeed," Väljmanson agreed, "I mentioned it to my Grünhilde and her eyes lit up. She was thinking of applying to the Watch but the chance to run a stone-yard is far more appealing."
"There remains," Ponder Stibbons spoke up, "only the question of how this amazing thing works. Since it has already been put to use, there's no question of taking it to the High Energy Magic Building for study. However, with your permission, I would very much like to have it examined
in situ
by some of my students. I fear that this will take a long time, possibly years, but if we can crack the principles behind it, constructing more Axles would have greater potential than just hoping that someone in Copperhead will stumble across another in the process of mining."
The room grew very quiet as the three men contemplated the business possibilities. Axles were so valuable and so cherished by the dwarfs that, outside of Überwald and Ankh-Morpork, probably no one else on the Disc even knew they existed. And yet, here was something so powerful that it could drive an entire mine, an entire
city
. What would Quirm or Klatch pay for one? The possibilities were mind-boggling, even for so relentlessly commercial a metropolis as theirs.
*****
++++//"You're going to need to take an Omniscope with you, you know," Hex, the University's Thinking Engine told Stibbons in its usual monotone, "You can't very well carry me to the Axle and since it can't be moved for study that's the only way I can possibly help in this. And believe me, I want to. The way you describe this Device is quite astonishing."//++++
"Yes," the Vice-Chancellor (and Head of Inadvisably Applied Magic) replied, "A technomantic 'thing' that is possibly millions of years old. They are only dug up once every couple of centuries. No one knows who made them, how they got so deep in the rock or whether they might just be older than the Disc itself. If the Deep Downers hadn't found, concealed and, according to Dwarf law,
stolen
one and brought it here, we would have no idea that they even could exist, let alone that they do. Väljmanson doesn't believe that we have a prayer of figuring out how to make one but given the potential payoff if we can, he's bang alongside giving it a try. So, yes, we'll definitely take an Omniscope shard with us and get it dialed in. Though I suspect that the first trip is going to be purely a scouting expedition. I mean, just how does one study something that can't be taken apart, stopped or even slowed down? This will be remote sensing at its most extreme."
++++//"Take whatever measurements you can and spend some time observing. Then, when you return and have thought about it for a day or two, come back to me and we'll compare notes. Once we've done that, we can consider whatever other kind of approaches we might take. Even if we can't build one, perhaps we can come up with a method of detecting them. The Low Queen would happily pay a great deal for that kind of knowledge."//++++
Ponder nodded. "Yes. Perhaps they give off some sort of aura that disturbs the magical field that we could detect. Licensing a Device Detector has very positive potential."
++++//"Quite so," Hex droned, "And should you make any progress on the endeavor, the Patrician might find sending some financial support to High Energy a worthwhile expenditure."//++++
*****
Horace Knöckleboan, (B. Thau.) pushed the trolley full of assorted magical paraphernalia through the tunnels beneath the city. It might seem a rather demeaning role for an educated man to fulfil, but acting as a senior professor's dogsbody is, throughout the Multiverse, one of the functions of a graduate student. In compensation it would eventually lead to his becoming a professor in his own right and having grad students of his own to lord it over. Besides—assisting the Vice-Chancellor in a research capacity was a highly sought after position among the students in the High Energy Magic Department.
He was surprised when, after some time, they arrived (three levels beneath the Opera House) at the Central Hub. There, standing guard before the entrance, stood two Watch trolls, four of the tallest, broadest and most heavily armed dwarfs in the city, and a couple of very relaxed, non-descript looking humans dressed all in black—Dark Clerks! Apparently His Lordship was not about to suffer
any
interference with the heart of the Undertaking.
"Ah, Vice-Chancellor," one of the trolls boomed, "we has bin waitin' youse arribal. Comin' dis way tru da door, once Mr. Skullcleaber get it unlock. Dese dwarfish locks is der jan-you-wine bugger so Lance Constable Schist an' I jus' leab der openin' to dem."
Passing through the massive waterproof door Stibbons and Knöckleboan found themselves at last at the Central Hub, the very heart of the Undertaking. Two immense, specially cast, spoked iron wheels were clamped to opposites sides of the Axle and turned as inexorably as continents drift. From the wheels, shafts led to gears and gears to more wheels around which cables ran out in a network of tunnels and trackways beneath the city. Loaded freight wagons were pushed into place by golems or trolls and then a goblin driver would engage the grip, clamping the wagon to a cable and off into the dark it would go to deliver its contents to the waiting customer.
"And to think," Knöckleboan muttered, "in a few more years, wagons full of passengers will be doing the same. The Undertaking will connect with the Ankh-Morpork and Sto Plains Hygienic Railway terminals and from there to cities and ports all over the Central Continent. Truly this is a time of wonders."
Vice-Chancellor Stibbons nodded and then reached into his robe to produce a thaumometer. He held it up to the Axle and looked at the meter. Slowly he shook his head in disappointment. "It's as I feared. Nothing more than the usual background magic's normal level. I had hopes we'd get something else but didn't expect any. Okay, Mr. Knöckleboan, let's get everything set up so Hex can watch over it. And make sure that nothing is sitting in the way of the maintenance crews. A troll's misstep could cause a lot of expensive damage. Now, let's begin with the Omniscope and then see what other sensors are appropriate."
