Mistress of the Air

The captain agreed with Lady Sally, there was something wrong. He grabbed the lightning blunderbuss, feeling justified in bringing it with him. The men set off in different directions along the dust-covered streets of Pompeii calling her name, "Kina Linguzh... Kina Linguzh... Kina Linguzh... Kina Linguzh."

Captain Wyndham's approach was more focused. He followed the dwarf's footprints in the dust. He was an experienced tracker, having pursued warriors across the Kenyatta Plain during the Zulu Wars. The tracks led to shrubs behind the former brothel, into which she must have gone to find somewhere private to pee. When the captain inspected the ground there, his concerns were confirmed. There were various prints, only one set of them the distinctive, small feet of the midget. There was evidence of her having been ambushed and dragged away.

The captain called Lady Sally over. The conclusion was inescapable... Frau Linguzh had been kidnapped.

They caught the attention of the others who scurried back to join them.

"What are you going to do, madam?" asked Victoria.

"There is nothing else for it. We must rescue her," pronounced Lady Sally. "Let it not be said that Lady Sally Rudston-Chichester does not rush to the aid of a companion in trouble."

The captain studied the confusing set of footprints in the dirt.

"I think she was taken by at least four people, possibly five."

"Well, that's no problem, captain. There's seven of us. We can take them on."

The captain was not so convinced.

He led the way, the footprints being easy to follow in the dust. They led back to one of Pompeii's streets which they followed for several hundred yards, and then into one of its villas, one called

Casa di Amori

. The captain proceeded cautiously under the portico onto a floor tiled with mosaics where the trail became less clear. It led them into a ruined courtyard with the remains of a pool at its centre. It was there they heard muffled voices. The captain tried to hold Lady Sally back and urge caution, but she ploughed on ahead. There was a series of rooms beyond the colonnade of the courtyard, and she burst into one of these, the others followed.

In the corner of a bare-stone room was the dwarf, tied up and gagged. There was nobody else there. She looked wide-eyed and agitated, nodding furiously. Lady Sally stepped forward, untied her, and released the gag. Frau Linguzh had just enough time to blurt out that it was a trap before the room filled with four men pointing rifles at them. Caught by surprise, they were soon overwhelmed. Realising Lady Sally was the real prize, they took hold of her first, placing a pistol to her head. With the mistress being in imminent danger, the captain had no choice but to surrender the lightning rifle.

Their leader gloated. "We've got our traitorous dwarf-spy, who we'll take back to Berlin to interrogate, and we have the bonus of capturing the British spy, Lady Sally Rudston-Chichester."

They were Prussian Secret Service men.

Lady Sally thrust her breasts out, proclaiming in her most imperious voice, "How ridiculous. I'm not, and never have been, a spy. I am a strict English dominatrix!"

"We'll go back to Naples where you will show us how to fly your airship, so we can take it back with us."

"You will do nothing of the kind. I will never surrender

The Corseted Domme

into your hands," insisted Lady Sally.

"It looks to me like you have very little choice."

They were in a predicament. It did appear Lady Sally's fortunes had changed, and that enemies she made on her adventures across Europe had finally caught up with her.

There was a commotion in the entrance to the chamber which suddenly filled with another group of men in khaki uniforms and helmets, with rifles trained on the Prussian Secret Service men.

"I don't think so, old chap. Release her now and hand her over to the British Army. Lady Sally is an English gentlewoman, and a citizen of the British Empire. She, and her airship, are returning with us."

The Prussians were not going to surrender their hard-earned quarry without a fight. They set upon the British soldiers. A scuffle ensued. A pistol shot went off, and a bullet ricocheted off the ceiling of the villa.

The Prussian officer holding Lady Sally made the fatal mistake of releasing her to join the scrap with the soldiers. Seizing her opportunity, a Prussian and British soldier were soon doubled up in agony groping their groins, having been kicked in the balls. She scooped up the lightning blunderbuss from the ground where it fell and clutched it against her chest. She wished she'd worn her steel-tipped boots, which would have caused serious damage.

In the commotion, she gathered up her entourage and pushed them towards the entrance. Their way was blocked by a British soldier, a rifle at his eye, trying to pick out a target from the melee of fighting men.

The captain swung his fist at the soldier's jaw, flooring him with one mighty punch.

"Sorry, old chap." The captain felt bad about flattening his compatriot.

The way was open for Lady Sally and the others to escape the chaos of the fight. They dashed through the courtyard, the dwarf's little legs running like the clappers, the banker heaving his belly along, desperately trying not to get left behind. The sounds of fighting continued. More shots rang out.

They ran back through the vestibule and tumbled out of the villa into the sun-scorched streets of the petrified Roman town.

They'd made it.

The captain fell, crashing into the dust. He was dazed, but managed to scramble back onto his feet where he was confronted by a fearsome man with a huge moustache wearing leather boots and wielding a massive knife. The captain was disorientated, but quickly weighed up the situation. Boots... Cossack style boots, in Pompeii? There was only one conclusion he could draw, they'd been ambushed by Russian Secret Service agents.

They had been caught by surprise. The Cossacks must have jumped on them from the roof of the villa as soon as they emerged from its portico. Two of them grabbed hold of Lady Sally by the arms. She remained undaunted.

"Unhand me, you blackguards!"

The others were confronted by Cossacks wielding long knives.

Lady Sally's trail of destruction across Europe was finally catching up with her.

The leader of the gang shouted at them in Russian. Lady Sally understood enough of the language to know they were going to drag them back to their horses before the fight in the villa was resolved, and either the Prussians or British arrived.

She was having nothing of it. Her arms were in the clasp of one of the Cossacks but her hands were still free, forced behind her back. She still had enough flexibility to make handy use of them. She grasped the Cossack by the balls and twisted them. This was a manoeuvre acquired through years of experience. She knew exactly which part of the male anatomy to squeeze to inflict the maximum discomfort. The Cossack, tears coming to his eyes as Lady Sally squeezed and twisted, loosened his hold long enough for her to break free from his grasp.

At that moment, the shots started.

The first bullet whizzed past the captain and struck the Cossack, who'd just let go of Lady Sally, in the thigh. A second hit their leader in the shoulder. A third missed its target and lodged in the crumbling stone of the villa wall. A fourth hit the ground right by a Russian's foot.

The captain smiled grimly.

You expected shoot-outs in the wild west, not in ancient archaeological sites.

Instinctively, the captain leapt forward onto Lady Sally, and they both went crashing into the dust. He covered her body with his, forcing the whole of his weight onto her to protect her.

More shots rang out. Another two Russians fell to the ground, hit. The captain dared to look up and saw wisps of smoke from firing rifles on the opposite side of the wide avenue, and shadowy figures dressed in black. It suddenly dawned on him; it was the

Camorra

. Signore Fellatio had made good on his promise to protect Lady Sally. The captain was reassured. This was their land, and they would allow no-one, Prussian, British or Russian, on their patch. They were murderous rogues of course... but murderous rogues on their side. They had no compunction in gunning down anyone who encroached on their territory. The captain understood, it was a matter of honour... Signore Fellatio had given his word to protect Lady Sally.

"Captain, you are squashing my boobs! I know you would simply love to get intimate with me, but that is no justification for jumping on top of me."

"I'm sorry, Lady Sally. I was only trying to protect you," he protested.

He rolled off her. Lady Sally stretched an arm out to pick up the lightning blunderbuss, which had fallen within reach, and leapt to her feet.

A few of the Cossacks were on the ground, wounded or dead, whilst the others retreated under the portico of the villa for cover. They'd been taken completely by surprise by the

Camorra

, hidden in the roofs of the villas on the opposite side of the street.

Through the opening in the front of the villa, Lady Sally saw a group of men rushing through the courtyard towards them, British and Prussians. Perhaps they'd heard the gun shots and broken off their fight to see what was going on, only to discover a band of Russian Cossacks, who were hated equally by British and Prussian.

Lady Sally wasn't taking any chances. She stood astride, her hat cocked to one side, her fine, cream, cotton dress covered in dirt, the sight of the blunderbuss at her eye. The Russians saw what she was about to do, diving desperately into the courtyard at the feet of the onrushing men.

There was a sizzle and a blast of blue light. It struck the key stone in the arch of the portico and exploded. Stone and dust flew into the air. The entrance of the villa collapsed into rubble before their eyes.

The villa had survived the eruption of Vesuvius, being pelted by volcanic rocks, and being covered in volcanic ash for two thousand years, but did not last one afternoon in the presence of Lady Sally Rudston-Chichester.

Lady Sally was livid. "Really, captain. Look at my dress. It's covered in dirt. Those marks will never come out. It's totally ruined!"