[Full title: I used voodoo to turn my pussy into a sex toy!]
[Features: Voodoo, sex toy, being used, comedy]
Bwhaha! Soon, soon, the world shall fall under my dominion!
Or at the very least, I'll finally get laid!
"Melody, are you thinking of something weird again?"
"HUH?! NO! Not at all!"
I scramble a bit as Victor looks at me with those steel-like eyes and his stern resting face. Oh, he's so dreamy.
"Earth to Melody. You're day dreaming again. What was it this time?"
"Huh?! Nothing, nothing at all, I promise you, it was most certainly nothing!"
"Okay then..."
Me and Victory were currently hanging out and it was going amazing! Sadly, Victor had never had the inner strength to approach someone such as I for the lovey dovey. The fool! But that's alright, I get it, I understand, being friends for so long can make things a bit awkward, more difficult even! You worry about losing them, about not being able to handle their rejection, of them not being able to handle yours, and more! And it's all total nonsense! Why won't he just take me in his arms and lay the smack down on my wet rag of a pussy?!
Needless to say I haven't asked him. That would just be awkward. No no, can't do that.
So I have come up with an ingenious idea! If Victory Valasky, my childhood friend, won't gather the guts necessary to fuck the daylights out of me himself, then I must take matters into my own hands! I must go where no woman has gone before! I must consult the ancients and use their great power in order to-
"I'm gonna eat your pizza Melody."
"You fool! Your pizza is the one that shall be mine!"
After a rousing good and delicious pizza from not-subway, I settle back into my own thoughts. Ah yes, where was I?
Right! Voodoo!
Yes, yes, the ancient power of the african nation, a magic ingrained with witch doctors and spooky magic men and women! Witches galore! But that's not all that voodoo is, or even what it is at all! I'm no neophyte, I actually took the time to study on wikipedia! Voodoo is some kinda religious stuff and not at all what the modern world has made it out to be. It's basically all the bad stuff like controlling spirits, making zombies, and making voodoo dolls that got popular. Ridiculous! It'd be like the only thing remaining from Christianity was the fact that blood could be turned into wine and then thinking that Christians practiced bloodletting from others in order to get drunk. Truly, we have done the religious cultural world a disservice.
That all said, I am talking about all the bad voodoo stuff here. Haha.
In particular! Voodoo dolls! Yes, yes, those amazingly little contraptions. One sensation passed to another, often for the infliction of pain, sometimes even actual mortal injury!
Naturally I plan to use it for sex!
But ah, in my research, I found something even better than voodoo dolls! A ritual, which I took the time to paint on a towel, that lets you connect certain parts of things together. Apparently this was used, or is suppose to be used, for ridiculous things like connecting an arm to a piece of glass and breaking it. Silly!
I have far grander designs!
Currently, I was enjoying a good and nice after-pizza with Victor in his home. Now I only needed to distract him for a few hours and it would take all of my cunning, all of my will, and absolute confidence in myself.
"Victor!"
"Hmm?"
"Go away for a few hours!"
"...okay."
And like that, the deed was done!
Now I just needed to find his sex toy! Yes yes, every man must have a sex toy! Sadly, as I began to blatantly search around his room for it, it took me the better part of an hour to find it! The dastardly villain had seemingly hidden it away in the only place I would have never looked, his closet! Who stores amazing sex toys in the closet?!
And I could tell, it was quite amazing indeed. It wasn't just a normal old rump a pump, it was a Max 3! One of those creepy guys online told me about these things! It was an electronic sex toy and has neat features and stuff but this was even better! It meant that Victor, my poor, poor shy Victor, was quite dedicated to his penile health!
Meaning I wouldn't have to wait very long to get absolutely railed!
I took the toy and began doing the ritual. It wasn't really that hard, I just placed it onto a towel I had painted the weird red symbol I had gotten and then just believed really hard on what I wanted and boom, it was done!
For a moment, I did worry that I had trusted the internet and it had lied to me... but as soon as I lifted the toy I felt my insides were moving a little, like part of me had been lifted into the air, and I knew I had succeeded! Of course, who would ever lie on the internet?!
I carefully placed the toy back where I had gotten it from, packed up the towel back into my shirt, and quickly made my way out of Victor's room... only to nearly run right into victor himself!
"AHHHH!"
He blinked at me. Damn you you beautiful man.