The canopy of trees hung low over my head as Ferdinand slowly made his way up the steep mountain trail. Moisture dripped from the leaves and needles onto my cloak, leaving dark blue spots dappled across the heavy velvet. Birds chirped and flitted through the morning fog, rousing from their sleep to begin the day's search for food.
It was my favorite time of day. When my thoughts were free to wander and my actions of my own choosing.
Damp soil crunched under Ferdinand's heavy feet as he snorted his own approval. He seemed to enjoy these morning rides as well even as he shook the dew from his mane. I scratched the side of his neck and gave him a little pat. He snorted again and shook the bridle, the metal hooks and clasps tinkling against each other.
"We'll be there soon and then you can have your apple."
He neighed low, almost like he wasn't sure he believed me yet. I chuckled and leaned my head back, closing my eyes and sucking in a deep breath of the forest air that was tinged with salt from the ocean waves breaking against the bluffs nearby.
Within a few minutes, the dark of the forest gave way to the light of the cliffs beyond. Ferdinand slowed his pace and chose his steps carefully. We had been coming to this spot for the better part of a year, but he was a cautious horse and never let his guard down which is why he was my favorite. He may have been slower sometimes, but he never let his excitement for apples get in the way of his prudence. I could respect that about him.
I could hear the crashing of waves below me, but I didn't dare look down. Ferdinand was a tall horse and that, coupled with the narrow path, would be enough to give me vertigo. I couldn't risk falling off. Falling off the trail and to my guaranteed death was not how I wanted to go. It wouldn't be fast and it would hurt. A lot.
I wasn't afraid of death itself, but of the pain involved in the process.
Finally, we reached the clearing and I hopped down from my gilded saddle, stretching my arms and legs. Ferdinand walked past me, busying himself with the sweet grass around us as I laid out my blanket and pulled the food from my bag. I sat on the blanket with a sigh, stretching again before tucking my legs under the layers of my silk dress and velvet cloak. The morning air was cold, but I had dressed well.
Ferdinand nudged my shoulder with his snout when I unwrapped the apples. I giggled and held one up for him, careful to keep my fingers out of the way so he didn't accidentally chomp one off. He gingerly took the apple, then set about happily destroying it before nudging me for another one.
"Just one more, you pig," I said with a giggle as I let him take the second from my open hand. With my horse content, I sighed and pulled out my own breakfast that my handmaiden had begrudgingly packed for me that morning. Everyone in the castle knew I wasn't supposed to leave the border walls, but they also knew keeping me inside was more of a task than they had the patience to handle. It wouldn't be long that I would remain under their care if my uncle had anything to do with it. He would have me married off and out from under his nose as fast as he could find someone befitting his own greedy desires.
The sun was just beginning to break through the clouds when I looked across the valley to the next mountain peak. Rays broke through and landed on a caravan that was making its slow progression through the narrow mountain pass as if firing a quiver of arrows onto my impending doom. Dust rose up from the wheels and hooves, leaving a trail behind the wagons like a painfully slow shooting star arcing across the mountainside. They were no doubt bringing supplies for the ball coming in a couple weeks to celebrate my betrothal.
I choked out a humorless laugh. For the rest of the kingdom, the ball was going to be the biggest party of the year, but for me, I felt like I was being led to the gallows.
I'd already heard the other court girls gossiping about who would be there and what they would wear. Every major and minor royal in the kingdom was required to come which meant that some of the dukes and counts who rarely ever make it to court would be there. This would likely be the only chance for some girls to find a husband and please their parents as many of them were so low on the royal food chain that they could never attract the men who could frequently be found within the castle walls. I imagined elsewhere within the confines of the walled off borders mothers fussing over their daughters' talents and their ability to look pretty and not say a single word of merit. Surely dreams would be made and prayers answered at my party, but none of them would be mine.
I sat there in the clearing until the sun fully cleared the valley walls. The peasants would have opened the market by now to start selling their wares and goods on the grounds beyond the castle walls. There were a few things I wanted to pick up on my way back to the castle proper. And I would do anything to keep me outside its walls for as long as possible.
Once I had settled on Ferdinand's saddle, we made good time back into town. Just as I expected, the tents had already been set up and banners were waving from the buildings around the main square. The townspeople had already started preparing for my ball even though it was still more than a week away. With people coming from all over the land to attend, there would be more people passing through the area than they typically saw in three moons' time, so they were doing their best to make the most of the occasion. If nothing else about the event brought me enjoyment, at least knowing that it would provide food and peace of mind to my people would settle my soul for a few days.
Children ran through the crowd, so I pulled on Ferdinand's reins to slow him to a glacial pace. I was rarely seen outside the castle gates, so there was little chance of anyone recognizing me, even with the fine clothes I wore. It was yet another benefit to having so many wealthy, powerful people in the town for my betrothal. No one would bat an eye at a young courtesan making her way through the bazaar.
"Three bits for a fresh bouquet," a young boy called from a building to my right. "Pretty flowers for a pretty lady!" He ran up to my side, thrusting the flowers as high as his little arms would reach. They were peonies and my favorite, so I dug some bits from the purse tied into my skirt pocket and handed them down.
"This is more than I asked. Do you want more flowers?" The boy's eyes were large and slightly sunken in from lack of hearty food. It pained me to see starvation on such a young face.
"This is more than enough, thank you. Take the extra and buy yourself a skewer of meat."
His eyes widened even more. I knew the peddlers barely paid their street boys enough to buy a single meal a day, so the extra I gave him would go straight to his own pockets. Many of them worked because their families had been lost to war or famine anyway. It was the most I could do with my uncle's shadow constantly over my head.
"Thank you, m'lady! Bless you."
I couldn't say anything else because it wouldn't be fitting of my station, but I wanted to tell him to keep the blessings for himself. I was not worthy of them.
As I got closer to the border wall gate, the crowd thickened to the point that I had to hop down from Ferdinand and lead him in by foot. The sound of music and the scent of roasting meat filled the air along with the lively din of conversation. Merchants called to would-be buyers while townspeople shared the latest gossip with anyone who would stop long enough to listen. I tried to keep my ears closed to it all, but I heard my name leave more than a few peoples' lips.
At the imposing iron gate of my family home, I handed over Ferdinand's reins and asked one of the guards to take him to the stables for me. The townspeople might not recognize me at first glance, but I couldn't hide from any of the guards. I'd grown up around most of them. Luckily, those tasked to wall duty were less inclined to tattle on my whereabouts beyond the gates.
