III
"So, you've had your ale," grumbled the thief. "Now, what happened after you opened the door?"
I yawned and stretched. "Darkness, son. Just darkness. Rolling out like a wave..."
***
The darkness rolled out like a wave, engulfing me before I could even turn to flee -- though where I could have fled to at that point wasn't entirely certain.
I felt my knees hit the iron floor, and I felt myself face-planting with an unpleasant clang. Then, to my horror, the floor itself seemed to give way, opening like a trapdoor, and I fell into space. I remembered the molten slag beneath the bridge, and prepared myself for its burning embrace.
Dearest Phaedra, I'm really sorry for all the crap I've pulled and all the times I ignored you and your dicta, but you're the goddess of thieves after all, and I would imagine that you're willing to overlook the occasional lapse among your followers... After all, I'm basically a faithful worshipper, and hell, no other gods seem terribly interested in helping me; for the most part they seem to actively dislike me. Well, that's the gods for you, always butting in where they're least welcome and ignoring you when you need them...
Wait a moment... I wasn't dead yet. I was still suspended in darkness, but I didn't seem to be falling anymore.
"Wulf." A voice echoed out of the darkness. "Are you there? Can you hear me?"
I grunted. "Yes. Who are you? Do you work for Phaedra? Are you taking me to paradise or hell? Because if it's hell, you know where you can stick -- "
"Peace, Wulf." The voice was soft and comforting. "Let yourself go. Hear my words. Listen with your soul and you will see me."
I relaxed. Slowly the darkness around me coalesced into a warm glow of yellow light. And in the center of it, peacefully sitting cross-legged and regarding me with a deep, wise gaze...
"Scrad??" I barked in sudden surprise. "Scrad the goblin henchman?"
"The same," Scrad replied. He was dressed differently -- in my vision (perhaps, I reminded myself, these were the last delusions of my mortal mind as I sank into molten slag) he wore simple gray robes, tied with a brown rope, looking for all the world like a penniless Kyborist monk passing wisdom on to a disciple.
"I am the one you call Scrad," the goblin continued. "I have only a few moments to speak with you, so I must be brief."
My mind still whirled in confusion. "But you... you're the cook... the porter..."
Scrad smiled. "There is great honor and wisdom to be found in the service of others. And there is no shame when there is no pride. I have spent many years in service, struggling against my own pride and against my own baser nature... Indeed, I do not know whether I have truly succeeded or not... Only the universe and eternity can judge me. For now, we can only do our best."
"You don't talk like a goblin," I noted.
"You don't know many goblins," Scrad replied. "I have wandered long and long, seen much, heard much. I came to this place because I felt a great evil stirring, and saw that Tannus and his people would set it free unless I helped them."
"So far it looks as if those idiots are right on schedule. Is there still a chance?"
"There is always a chance. All things are mutable, because nothing truly exists."
"You're sounding more and more like some kind of Idrian mystic," I said. "Where did you go to school?"
"I hoped that I could find someone within the party who could aid me," Scrad continued, ignoring my feeble jest. "At first I thought Beldrin was the one. Now, unfortunately, he has moved on to his next existence."
"And I'm all you have left?"
"No, you are the one whom the universe has called upon. The others still retain some goodness, deep down inside, but more and more they are corrupted by the daemonic powers that dwell in this place. Tannus is driven by ambition, Svignar by pride and greed, Vendra by lust and Lilywinter by rage. Soon, all these things will burst forth, and all will be lost. You are different, Wulf. There is darkness in you, but it lives in harmony with the light, and together they make you resistant to the lure of the daemons. You were offered something, yes?"
I nodded. "Yes, I was."
"You were offered the pleasures of the flesh. No, do not protest. They are no different than the other worldly pleasures that all must face and accept. All have desires. We desire love, safety, acceptance, peace. But we do not truly understand what we want."
"What do you mean?" Heavy philosophizing from a diminutive, bald green imp was only the most recent of many weird things that had happened over the past few days, so I was growing slightly jaded.
"When we say we want peace, we mean that we want wars to cease, violence to end, and our lives to be safe." Scrad looked away, his face oddly contemplative. "Peace is so much more and less complex than we imagine. Peace can never be, not the peace that we so desire, unless that peace begins inside us. We must be at peace with ourselves before we can be at peace with others."
I didn't reply, but stared in astonishment.
"The daemons know this," Scrad continued. "They prey upon the turmoil in our hearts and souls, and they know that if that turmoil can be perpetuated, then there will never be peace. The wars, the hatred, the jealousy, the sadness, the chaos will continue unabated. They derive their sustenance from this chaos, and the more terrible it is, the more they derive. They feed on fear, on rage, on violence. That is why the daemoness seeks to tear us apart, set us at each other. She gives us glimpses of what we desire, and creeps into our very souls."
"What did she show you?" I asked.
Scrad smiled faintly. "Nothing. She showed me nothing. For that is what I desire."
I swallowed hard. "Have you considered getting a teaching position somewhere?"
"I am not worthy to teach others. I am still but a student myself." Scrad paused. "Time is short. We must act quickly."
"What can I do? It looks as if the big dark has already swallowed us."