Qasim glanced from the scroll he was studying and at the desk beside him. Sprawled across it, like an ungainly mop of scales and fur, was his draconic companion, T'ien Lung Hua Ling, the Celestial Dragon of the Magnificat Dawn. He was snoring and beginning to drool on an illustration that their instructor had claimed was the diagram of the Five Most Ordered and Sagacious Elements of Magic, as written down by some oni sage who knows how many thousands of years before.
For Qasim, it was all roughly on par with his training to deal with a nuclear reactor.
The instructor â a spindly oni with a mustache that consumed the entire lower half of his face in a bristling mass of spiderlike hair â did not look up from the tome he was reading from. "And so, the fifth and final and most important of the Most Ordered and Sagacious Elements of Magic is that of Wood, which the fae refer to as
life
. It is in opposition to no element, being positioned at the southern axis, unlike those of Water and Fire â what the fae refer to as Hydrosophy and Pyrosophy â and those of Earth and Air â what the fae refer to as Terrasophy and Areosophy..." He drew in a whuffling, sniffling breath, one that made his nostrils flare. "This efficacious placement makes the combination of Life and the other spheres exceedingly easy. However, in recent centuries, it has been declared that there is another form of magical power â a form that has been spurned from the Most Ordered and Sagacious Elements of Magic for the dual reasons of its evil and, of course, because six is the least fortunate of the sacred numbers."
He turned the page.
Hua snored even louder.
Qasim took a note:
Wood = Life.
Then he looked at the other notes and made a face. If he had known, when he had signed on for being a member of the People's Republic Army AstroForce, that he would one day be chained to a desk, writing this stuff down...he was fairly certain that he would have still signed up. Though he might have paid less attention to the first aid manuals, considering how little of it seemed to apply in a world where one could channel magic into another person and instantly heal them of their ailments.
He had first seen that when, after Ning had been calmed down by Hua's own personal charms, they had been whisked away from the royal harem and the oni guard that Ning had wounded had been healed by one of the Imperial magicians. Qasim had watched, his face impassive, as the red skinned woman in the very tight silk gown had waved her hands and chanted strange words and then...and then the broken wrist of the guard had fused together, healing instantly. The conversations that had been held afterwards had been...
Well, to call them surreal would be a little repetitive. Since everything had been surreal.
But they had definitely been
amusing
.
"He's a hero!" Hua had said. "His first wife is a hero."
"First what?" Ning had said, looking shocked.
"Wife!" Hua said. "You know, the lady you shower with gold coins and love and affection and make babies."
At the word 'baby', Ning's face had assumed the expression Qasim normally saw when someone smelled the food coming from the
People's Shield's
cafeteria
.
"I-" Huxian had tried to cut in.
"Actually," Qasim had cut her off, wanting to save Ning the worry. "We are both infertile. We were rendered such to avoid the complications of pregnancy while in the depths of space."
"No, I fixed that," Hua had shot back, nodding.
"We-" Huxian again.
"You
fixed
it?" Ning's eyes had widened.
"Yup!" Hua nodded. "I booped your womb with my snoot."
"You
what
!?" Ning spluttered.
"And your balls!" Hua nodded. "A Glorious Prince of Heaven has to have, like, so many babies. Maybe even four hundred babies."
Ning had put her hands over her face. Qasim frowned. "Well, good thing this happened after the crash..."
"Oh, you had sex on your flying ship?" Hua asked, curiously. "Was she good? Oh! Do it again, right now! She's fertile, you're fertile, win win!"
"Shut up!" Huxian had screamed, all seven of her tails lashing behind her, her ears pinned back behind her head. "You!" She had pointed at Ning. "Back into the harem! You!" Her finger had stabbed at Hua. "Shut up and look regal!" Her finger had then angled to Qasim. "You! Follow me!"
This had brought Qasim into the throne room of the Emperor.
It had not gone well, from Qasim's perspective.
Everything in the room had been designed to impress the lowly peasants of the Dragon Empire. Huge and bedecked in marble and gold and burnished copper and shimmering tapestries that showed muscular Oni men and beautiful Oni women astride dragons, wielding weapons of great puissance. A spear of fire. A bow that seemed to fire beams of light rather than arrows. An ax that seemed to split mountains in half. A staff that sent monsters flying in every direction, carried by a tailed, furred figure that made Qasim take a second startled glance before he knelt before the Emperor himself.
The problem was all of this was being shown to Jianhong Qasim â a child of the Neo-Maoist state of the People's Republic of China. The 21
st
century had not been kind to China. Despite immense efforts to keep capitalism and their ecosystem intact, the class traitors who had led the Party since the late 20
th
century were eventually rousted out by starving members of the poor classes, put against a wall and shot. This had all been nearly a hundred years before Qasim had been born, but ever since, the popular culture of China had been dominated by a series of historical epics that focused primarily on the decadence and evil of the Imperial period, which was then contrasted with what was commonly referred to as the Betrayal of the Future period.
This meant that Qasim looked at the splendor about himself and immediately began to ask:
Who paid for it