Note: Ctrl+F ~s~ to skip right to the action (there's two)
*
They did not make it to town by sundown. In fact, all the fighting and the fucking from earlier had left them so exhausted they barely made any headway by the time the encroaching night forced them to stop and make camp. Ziri was now in a thoroughly sour mood and whined while she worked, and Cuthbert quietly chuckled at how poorly the world-traveling cleric handled extended camping. Inyelw'n the elf duchess wasn't doing much better, quietly fuming as she tried in vain to scrub off every dirt stain her dress had picked up on the hike. Clearly, he was the only one who had grown up sleeping in everything from horse stables to wet alleyways.
So it befell to him to provide camp for the ladies, and he felt strangely masculinized as he gathered wood for the fire. Cuthbert had been trying not to dwell on the plain fact that both his companions were significantly more powerful than him, and actually taking care of them for the first time felt better than he expected.
These sentimentalities are likely the reason why he was too distracted to notice the ambush. Again.
A dark bag dropped over his head and a dozen tiny hands bound him with rope, sending him crashing to the ground before he could so much as yelp. When Cuthbert did scream out he was immediately gagged, a length of rope around his head forcing the dirty burlap sack into his mouth. It tasted sour, and he was happier for not knowing why. The creatures, unknown beyond their small hands with long fingers and a steel grip, bodily hoisted him into the air like a length of lumber and carried him away, chittering in what was either a hyperactive language or a strange laugh. For all his struggling he couldn't budge an inch and visions of being spitroasted over a fire invaded his thoughts, filling him with a terror he couldn't act upon.
After an eternity of being manhandled about the forest, Cuthbert was unceremoniously flipped and dumped onto a rough wooden floor and a metal clang signaled his completed capture. He could hear further chittering sounds in the distance and what were possibly whoops of victory, but beyond that he was left to his own thoughts. Several minutes of stewing later the chittering grew louder as several voices approached, opening the metal door and dumping two more squirming bodies next to him.
Hoping for the best, he tried to call out, "'Iri? 'At oou?"
"'Uh-ert?" a muffled feminine voice replied. Thank Pelor, his team was still alive. They were all trapped by monsters and surely about to be eaten, but for now they were alive. Inyelw'n was still struggling and grunting wordless oaths, and after a moment her efforts culminated in a flash of heat and the smell of burning fabric. Once she had untied them Cuthbert quickly tried to assess the situation, but beyond the bars of their cage he could see little more than underbrush and the light of multiple small fires in the distance. As for his teammates, they appeared unharmed but Ziri was raking her hands through her auburn hair and looking about with wild eyes--she was actually having a panic attack, and after fighting off a full-fledged succubus Cuthbert didn't think anything would phase her. "Oh no. Oh Freyja, this can't be happening..."
"Ziri? Ziri. Madeline!" He had to shout and grab Ziri by the shoulders to break her concentration, but she stopped her hyperventilating and met his eyes. "Ziri, do you know where we are? Who took us?"
"...Goblins. We were taken by goblins!" Ziri practically shouted, bringing her freak out back in full force. "I've read about when goblins go savage, they're going to kill you and keep Inye and me as breeding slaves. And their seed is so fucking potent, even Freyja can't protect us!"
Hearing her name made Inyelw'n's pointed ears perk up. "Excuse me? I will die before I allow myself to be reduced to cattle! I'm sure I can blow this door open, if we act fast we can likely catch them off guard and escape."
Ziri just shook her head hard enough to send her hair flying. "No good. Do you hear how many of them are out there? Dozens, possibly hundreds! They'll skin us and eat us before we ever make it back to camp. Unless..." The cleric's eyes somehow grew wider as a thought dawned on her. "...We distract them. Cuthbert!" She grabbed onto the marksman, her growing intensity making him more than a little worried. "I have to ask the world of you, but you can save all our lives. I need you to trust me! If they take us we're done for, but if you offer up yourself that'll serve as a distraction and we can all escape when you've tired them out!"
"Uh... offer myself for what?"
"For, um, breeding. But it's okay! You're a man, they can't get you pregnant, and when goblins get too riled up they can't tell the difference anyways... so I've read. Please, Cuthbert. Please." he swear he could see tears welling up in Ziri's eyes as she pleaded.
Ah, hell. If the alternative is death... "Alright, Ziri. I'll do it. But he swear, if you escape and leave me--"
"Great! Inye, trade clothes with Cuthbert! We have to make him look like a woman and make you look like a man." Inyelw'n shrugged and took off her dress, and with great reluctance he disrobed from his chainmail and leathers. "Good, good. Now Inyelw'n, if you tie your hair about your face it should pass as a beard... thank goodness my gambeson hides all my curves..." Ziri quieted as she fussed with the elf, then stopping to pat dirt on her face as fake stubble. "Good thing you already don't have hardly any facial hair, Cuthbert. You look great!"
He grimaced as the feminine garment slid over his head. The shame of having to wear a dress... at least it wasn't constricting. His thoughts snapped back as some bushes next to them rustled and a figure ran off towards the lights. "Damnit! Ziri, a guard must've seen us! It'll never work now!"
The cleric, in her distress, couldn't think of anything else, and a moment later two figures approached to give Cuthbert his first proper look at the goblin species. Standing at likely just a hair over three feet for the taller and a few inches less for the shorter, the most prominent features of the short creatures were giant, pointed ears that fanned out and back from their skulls to catch even the most subtle sounds. Complimenting the ears were large eyes, an upturned nose, and a wide mouth full of sharp teeth. Glancing downwards he saw their proportions were almost-but-not-quite human: with legs that were a tad too short and arms that reached down to their knees, the creatures came together in an image that made him think of flightless bats.
"Um, greetings!" Ziri shouted, lowering her voice to a gruff drawl that would've been hilarious in better circumstances. "We men have a woman here who is willing to give herself up to you if you let us go--"
One of the figures held up her hand to silence Ziri. With an hourglass figure that bordered on the absurd, the female goblin was clad in leathers covered by a cloak that made her look like some perverse fertility goddess, although the crow's feet on her eyes and her reliance on a tall walking stick belied her true age. The other was clearly younger and similarly dressed with short hair and a flat chest, but impressive hips and backside that advertised prime mothering material. With a motion the younger one unlocked the cage door, and without a word Cuthbert stepped out and walked down a beaten earth path flanked by the two green creatures
After they were out of earshot from everyone the older goblin spoke up, "I do not know if your friend is desperate, stupid, or evil, but you cannot survive this." The blunt honesty and harsh, broken Common stopped him in his tracks; he had never heard a goblin speak before and it was less than pleasant. The older goblin glanced back at him with a flat look and continued, "You are to be seen by Chief Dragdalk, who has an endless... appetite? And will not stop until you are either with child or dead of tiredness. We can help you."