Carpe Phallum

The fold-out beds were not particularly comfortable but the white noise and movement of the tram had helped Tabitha sleep. The rolling hills outside her window gave way to flat fields. They were getting close. Groggily she extracted herself from the blankets and Saphica's limbs. Her movement caused Saphica to stir.

Tabitha began to dress. "Good morning, we should be arriving soon. Best get ready."

"What about the morning ritual?" Saphica replied with a sly smile.

"You would be perfectly happy eating my pussy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner wouldn't you?" Tabitha teased.

Saphica blushed and looked away shyly, "No...maybe."

Tabitha could feel the little sliver of hurt her rejection had caused. She knew Saphica had become fond of their intimacy. Honestly, she enjoyed it too. It'd been a long time since she'd allowed herself to feel this much connection.

Tabitha dropped her panties and climbed back into bed. "The abbreviated morning ritual."

Saphica sucked on her nipples and caressed her body but Tabitha found her mind wandering to memories of the dark things that she had done as an inquisitor. Would she need to do them again? Would that change the adoring look in Saphica's eyes? She was being silly, she didn't even know what mahant required. No need to get all maudlin yet. Still, a nagging thought persisted.

You know exactly what Mahant needs. What else are you good for?

She pushed it away and shifted her attention to the joy of playing with her miko.

Saphica was good at her work. She quickly fingered Tabitha to orgasm and made a big show of licking her fingers clean. It had the desired effect.

Tabitha pounced on her pinning her to the bed. "What am I going to do with you, mouth slut?" she growled playfully.

Suddenly the tram shuddered and began decelerating indicating that they had reached their destination and rudely interrupted their play.

"It seems that the day is upon us. I'll have to take care of you later."

"Cock blocked by a tram," Saphica pouted, "that's a first for me."

They dressed and gathered their things as the train slowly pulled into the station. A large sign read PISSDORF LOCOMOTORY AUTO-BOILER GASTRAM STATION.

"Pissdorf," Saphica chuckled.

♥ ♥ ♥

Pissdorf was originally named Blissdorf, but every map published in recent memory spelled it with a P. The Cartographers Guild claimed that this was simply a typo but no efforts to correct it have ever been made. In truth, a spiteful cartographer had an unfortunate holiday in Blissdorf and intentionally misspelled the town's name. It was a crude joke, so of course, the name stuck.

Saphica enjoyed the smell of saltwater in the air and looked at all the maritime shops as they made their way down the main avenue toward the heart of town. She had never been on a boat larger than a canoe and was excited to see so many bobbing in the distance.

They found a little café where they ordered some breakfast and watched the locals go about their morning business.

"Who do you think the others in the contingent will be?" asked Saphica while buttering a biscuit.

"Bureaucrats and nerds I imagine." Tabitha said with a smirk while enjoying her coffee.

Saphica giggled. "Well, I hope they're more fun than that!"

They finished their breakfast and got directions to the Busted Flush which was only two blocks away. The inn was constructed in the stone and wood style common to the area. It looked well-maintained and clean. Saphica mused on what the inn's name could be referring to. She was an avid reader of smutty novels and in those stories, the names almost always meant something dirty.

"Would you check us in? I'm going to take a look around." Tabitha had to explore any space she was to spend time in. She felt it important to learn the layout, the points of ingress, and especially the points of egress.

Saphica felt her mistress' habit was a little paranoid, but she kept that to herself and walked up to the bar. There was no innkeeper to be found or anyone else for that matter. The inn's common room was pretty typical, booths lined the walls, tables and chairs dotted the main floor. There was a large hearth with the smoldering remnants of last night's fire.

A large man pushed through the front door with a cask under each arm. He huffed and puffed as he hoisted the casks up and set them on the bar top.

Saphica called out, "Hi! Are you, by chance, the innkeeper?"

He spun around startled, but when he saw the strangely dressed woman standing by the bar, he smiled.

"Sorry lass, I didn't see yeh there. Sometimes I get the ole' tunnel-vision when I'm schlepping grog. Not as young as I used to be. The name's Buddy. I'm the proprietor of this here establishment. What can I do for yeh?"

"I have a reservation under Saphica Scissors or maybe the Scroatsburg-Fossegrim travel contin--that name is terrible."

"They always are lass. Bureaucrats, no imagination. Here yeh are in the ledger. Taint and Scissors. I'll put you in number three it's got the double bunks."

"No," Saphica said a little too emphatically. "Is there a room with one large bed?"

"Absolutely. Take number four."

Buddy's eyes fell on the holy symbol that Saphica wore as a pendant. He looked uncomfortable for a moment. "Err... I don't know the correct term, so please forgive the description but are you one of those sex-nuns?"

Saphica chuckled, "Officially, we're the Followers of Libidini but sex-nun is apt. Why do you ask?"

"Well, yeh see my sister Maggs runs a brothel. Last year some Followers of," Buddy worked through the pronunciation. "Li bi di ni... lotta' i's in that one, came through town. Maggs convinced them to do a workshop for her girls. She's been raving about the results since. Patronage has gone way up."

"I can imagine."

"But new whores come in, old whores move on. I guess they could use a refresher. She asked me to keep an eye out for her and ask yeh to drop by. She's happy to pay yeh for your trouble. It's called The Sausage Factory. Ask for Maggs."

"I'll keep that in mind. So what's the story behind Busted Flush? Is it a gambling reference?"

"Err...won it in a game of poker offa the previous owner, that sorta thing? No. That would be a much cooler tale. The truth is we had this broken toilet. Called on every tinkerer, plumber, and handyman what passes through here and none of them could fix er'. In their travels, those professionals passed on tale of our un-fixable toilet and it became a sort of test of skill or right of passage. Fix the busted flush and yer king of the plumbers! Or something, bragging rights at least. It brought in a lot of business so I just sorta went with it."

"What was the original name?"

"The Rusty Blowhole, named after me dad."

"Your family must feature prominently in the local lore of this town."

"Yeh have no idea," he said with a chuckle. "Don't get me started on those scurvy wastrels I call cousins."

Tabitha returned to the common room, apparently content with her exploration. Saphica watched her stride across the room and wondered how had she landed the affections of such a magnificent creature.

"Ahh, is this Mrs. Taint? Pleased ta meet yeh. Names Buddy. Yeh're in room number four. Lemme know if yeh need anything."

Tabitha paused letting the wave of jovial hospitality pass. "Thank you, Buddy. We need to find a sea captain. Saphica, what was his name?"

"Stipol Manlove," Saphica supplied.

Buddy guffawed. "Stipol's my brother-in-law!"

Saphica giggled. "Of course, he is."

Tabitha was confused but indifferent. "When the rest of our group arrives, could you please tell us where to find him?" asked Tabitha

"Certainly."

Tabitha touched Saphica's arm, "Let's get settled. Number four was it?"

"Yes ma'am," Buddy answered. "Best in the house."

The two women carried their bags up the stairs. Their accommodations were sparsely decorated but clean and comfortable. Shells, rope, and other sailing bric-a-brac festooned the space, It was a real treat for lovers of nautical shabby chic. Unfortunately, neither of them were.

Tabitha immediately noticed the one bed. "It looks like we'll be bunking together again unless you think we should go ask Buddy--"

"No, Mistress! This room is lovely..." and so is sleeping with you, she wanted to say but didn't.

"Oh, very well. Another night of our naked bodies rubbing against each other as we toss and turn, sweating between the sheets--Saphy, are you feeling alright? Your cheeks have gone quite pink."

"I'm w--ahh!" Saphica tumbled backwards onto the bed. Saphica's heart raced both from the surprise fall and from her mistress suddenly straddling her.

"Well then, if you're feeling well, let's pick up where we left off this morning, mouth slut."

♥ ♥ ♥

Trixie had slept through the tram's arrival and had been ousted by a surly goblin tram attendant. She was feeling a little disheveled and disoriented but a mug of surprisingly good coffee and a muffin of dubious nutritional value had set her right.

She had found the Busted Flush and was seated at a large round table sipping a beer, waiting for the others in the contingent to show. A salacious smile spread across her face as she remembered her bar car antics from last night. She unfortunately did not get to reminisce for very long.

"Oh, hello Mrs. Darling, we meet again!"

Trixie looked over at the smiling earnest face of the boring guy from the SLAG. Initially she had thought he was kind of cute with his wavy blond hair and slight effeminate affect but as he droned on about trams her interest died. "Hi... tram guy."

"Dapple, Dapple Dandysnatch," he supplied.

"Okay."

"Of the Urban Planning department," he added.

"Okay."

"I take it that you're also part of the Scroatsburg-Fossegrim travel contingent which is a great name by the way. Very descriptive but perhaps a little long. What do you think of shortening it to Scro-Foss travel contingent or maybe just an acronym SFTC? Although, I wouldn't want to sacrifice clarity for brevity but I'm certain we can find a balance."

Trixie shifted in her seat. "Yes, and you should be in charge of that."

"Certainly," He beamed. "Have you seen the rest of our contingent?"

"Nope."

"Which office are you representing?"

"Weights and Measures."

"Fascinating stuff weights and measures! I almost went into it, but the world of civics stole my heart--"

"Oh, look!" Trixie interrupted, grateful for the diversion. "I think those two are the others. Hello ladies. Do have a seat."

One of them looked familiar. Trixie was pretty sure it was the woman from the tram car. The other woman's identity was confirmed when she winced as she sat down. Trixie smiled,

I bet her ass is still sore.

Saphica's cheeks were indeed still sore. "Hi! This is Tabitha Taint and I'm Saphica Scissors."

"Dapple Dandysnatch, Urban Planning. Which office are you with?"

"Oh, we're Followers of Libidini."

Trixie perked up, this was the sort of religious zealotry she could get behind. "Sex-nuns!" she exclaimed. "Er, sorry, I didn't mean to say that out loud. I'm Trixie Darling, Weights and Measures."

"Yes... well, it's very nice to meet you both." Saphica replied.

"So, is this your first trip to Fossegrim?" Dapple prattled on.

They chatted for a while, exchanged pleasantries, and asked mundane things like 'do you have siblings?'. Soon talk turned to the expedition. Buddy explained how to find Captain Manlove, and they headed out to the waterfront.

Saphica liked people and was always keen to learn what motivated them. As they walked she and Dapple continued to converse. "So, Dapple, why are you headed to Fossegrim?"

"Urban Planning, or UP as we like to call it, has a professional information exchange program with various cities. I'm going to Fossegrim to give a lecture on how we use our census data to try to predict peak traffic on our arterial routes. So what about you two eh? Bringing the good word to the heathens in Fossegrim?" asked Dapple.

"Oh no, there's already a Libidinous temple in Fossegrim. From what I understand, a good many Grimen are already followers or at least enjoy frequenting the temple. No, we were also sent on an exchange program of sorts."

"Yes," Tabitha interjected, "we're teaching a class on erotic cock and ball torture. If you're available Mr. Dandysnatch, we're looking for volunteers for the practical."

"Ahh, no Mrs. Taint I believe I will pass on that thoughtful offer."

Saphica took the hint. "If it helps sweeten the deal, we'll

>probably

let you cum in the end. Ya know, if you do a good job."

"You ladies drive a hard bargain, but no, perhaps think of me if ever you do a class on blowjobs."

"Do you give good blowjobs?" Trixie feigned misunderstanding.

"Oh uh, I don't...well I... I've never received any complaints but in truth, I was picturing myself more on the receiving end."

Tabitha, Saphica, and Trixie smiled at each other. Perhaps there was more to Dapple than trams and civil engineering.

♥ ♥ ♥

The Blubber Lubber gently rocked with the waves in its berth at pier twenty-two. Its crew was busy loading and unloading various supplies and trade goods.

"Ahoy." Trixie shouted at the ship "We have business with Captain Manlove."

A deckhand replied, "Captains havin' a slash." he pointed to a tall bearded grey-haired man urinating off the bow. "He'll be with ya in a moment."

Captain Manlove finished passing water, put his dick away, and approached the party. "Ahoy there. You lot must be the Scroatsburg-Fossegrim Travel Contingent. Now tell me truly, did they put any thought whatsoever into that name?"

"Zero." replied Trixie.

"Well, perhaps I can help ya there. I got a knack for naming things. How about the Baleful Bruisers? No? Crystal Eternity? Too abstract? I'm just riffing here, we'll have many days at sea to workshop it. Oh, the Alpha Team!"

"I kind of like our contingent name," said Dapple.

Everyone stared at Dapple, silently questioning his judgement.

"So then, to business. Tell me your name and I'll mark yer on the list." One by one they said their name and Captain Manlove checked them off the list until he got to Trixie.

Captain Manlove eyed her curiously. "I have no Trixie on my list, lass. Have you confused yer aliases or is this some bureaucratic cock-up?"

Trixie grumbled. "Divotrix Darling."

"Ahh, there ye be! Now that the administrative part is complete, let me give you the details of our voyage, then Stubby, our Quartermaster, can give you a tour of this fine vessel."

Captain Manlove went over the rules, schedule, and general boat safety. "And that's why ya don't masturbate up in the rigging. It's how Stubby got his nickname."

Stubby glowered at the captain.

"Well thank you for that exhaustive and graphic lesson," replied Tabitha "Stubby, how about that tour."

The tour was brief. Stubby showed them the galley, their guest cabins, the quarterdeck, the bow, and the gangway.

Dapple took the opportunity to get some details about the ship. "Stubby, how many passengers are there on this voyage?"

"Thirty."

"And how many crew?"

"Twenty-five"

"How well defended is the Blubber Lubber?"

"Poorly."

"What do we do if pirates attack?"

"Run."

"And if they catch us?"

"Fight."

"You're a man of few words Stubby, but you paint a powerful picture."

"Blow."

They conferred as they walked along the pier.

"I'm so excited to set sail! Both the Captain and Quartermaster are such colorful characters!" said Saphica.

"Yes, colorful, eccentric even. I am a little concerned about our safety. The Feckless Sea has its share of dangers." replied Dapple.

"I agree." said Trixie. "Relying on them would be foolish. I regret leaving Agatha behind."

"Agatha?" Dapple asked.

"My glaive."

"Ahh, right. Well, we have some time. Perhaps we can prepare some defenses. I'm going to see about procuring some supplies. I assume someone that owns a named glaive can handle themselves in combat. How about you two? Are the followers of Libidini pacifists?

"No, quite the opposite. Martial arts and weapons training are core curricula." Saphica supplied. "We can't pursue our sacred mission if we're dead."

"How about you Dapple," asked Trixie, "do you know which end of the sword goes in your enemy?"

"I'm not much for martial combat but I did apprentice with the Alchemist's guild for a few years and I got my start in Urban Planning with the demolition team."

Tabitha smiled, "Dapple, that is the most interesting thing you've said all day,"

As is often the case in small port towns there was a small market and cluster of shops near the waterfront. Cargo had a habit of wandering off in port, so it made good business sense to get it delivered as quickly as possible.

Trixie wasn't particularly excited by the prospect of shopping. It was unlikely that she would find a quality polearm here but perhaps she could find some amusement so she wandered the market with the others.

Dapple found a vendor selling the supplies he needed to make his incendiary devices. He was very excited by the selection and very chatty.

The weathered silver-haired merchant was concerned by Dapple's shopping list, "You've got some dangerous reagents here, lad. Do you know what you're doing?"

"Oh, yes. I'm making greek fire, thunderclap, and maybe some molotova if I can find the right sort of bottles."

The merchant brightened, "It sounds like you know how to keep your fingers. Just the same, I'll give ya me Mum's recipe. The ole' lady made a mean thunderclap. I like to see the young folk keeping the alchemical traditions alive."

Dapple thanked the man and continued his hunt through the market for interesting alchemical ingredients.

Saphica found a specialty shop that piqued her interest. The sign claimed that the attached shop was a goblin owned and operated saddlery. Inside they found the most delightful collection of harnesses, bindings, and of course saddles, all designed to be worn by human-sized folk. Trixie wasn't into being ridden, at least not like that, but she did like the look of the leather gear and there were other fun toys to browse.

The shop owner was, as promised, a goblin and he took an immediate fancy to Saphica. He offered her a job as shop pony, a job that involved demoing gear for customers, giving rides, and generally prancing around mostly nude like a frisky pony. Tabitha made it clear that this pony was spoken for.

Goblins generally enjoy arguing and negotiating but something about Tabitha's demeanor made him think better of it.

"That guy

really

likes ponies," Saphica remarked as they browsed.

Tabitha fondled a cute black leather bridle with a red plume, "Would you enjoy being my pony, Saphy?"

"I enjoy being yours, Mistress. If you desire a pony then a pony I shall be."

"Good answer." Tabitha flashed a genuine smile. "Let's find you a treat."

They browsed the various wares and found a lot of fun kinky stuff. Saphica came out of the dressing room wearing a black leather body harness that hugged all her ample curves. Saphica showed off a little and enjoyed the attention.

"See mistress, the crotch strap has this little buckle loop, so you can lock me in it when you want." Saphica was quite taken with the harness, as was Trixie who had a difficult time hiding her erection, as was the shop owner who muttered something about wasted talent.

Tabitha gave a nod of approval and Saphica disappeared back into the dressing room.

In the end, they purchased a thuddy flogger, a slapper, an intricately decorated strap-on, and the harness. Trixie decided on a dildo carved from antler.

Across the street, Saphica spotted a bookstore and wanted to see what their erotic romance section looked like. Trixie noticed a peculiar shop down the way and promised to catch up. It appeared to be a curiosity shop but there were some swords in the window display. The door opened with the typical bell jingle and revealed the warren-like aisles of the shop. As if magically summoned by the jingle, the proprietor appeared beside her.