Alice landed hard, but not as hard as she had anticipated. The surface gave slightly, like an enormous vaginal sponge then sprung back to send her flying upwards again. Three times she bounced, each time her arms and legs flailing like a marionette until eventually she settled momentarily.
"Oh no, fuck no!"
She realized she was sliding. The surface had seemed flat at first but now the slight decline was making her glide feet first to fuck knows where. Desperately digging with her black enameled fingernails she tried to gain purchase but the surface just seemed to pare away like the top layer of skin on a rice pudding. She knew she was in trouble when her feet felt pure air and sure enough she fell downwards again. This time the landing was really hard, solid enough to knock any breathe that might have remained in her gasping lungs totally away. Alice lay on her back and wondered if she would die.
"And who the hell are you?"
The voice came from above her and slightly to the left.
"Leaving your scratch marks all down my beautiful Amanita's skin. I was going to go for a walk today but now I will have to sit here a little longer till she heals."
The voice had a strange dreamy quality Alice couldn't quite identify.
"Do get up so I can see you. I would come over there but I have had a very difficult week."
Alice caught her wind and stumbled to her feet banging her head in the process on the underside of what appeared to be a huge open umbrella. The bump produced a cloud of particles that seemed to dance in the air around her head. Whatever the substance was it resulted in her having to resume a seated position with a wildly spinning head.
"Do be careful please. Those spores have medicinal qualities."
Alice allowed the hit to settle a little and managed to stand again by holding the edge of the umbrella for balance. Squinting her eyes to peer through the cloud of smoke that enveloped the center of the umbrellas dome she could just make out the figure of a squat old man sucking on a hookah pipe.
"Hello. My name is Alice."
She spoke very slowly and loudly assuming that his age would make him a little deaf.
"I can hear perfectly well when I choose to listen you know. My senses are catlike."
As he said catlike the old man looked warily left and right.
"Never know who might be listening to idle conversations."
"Where am I?"
Alice tried to ignore the more surreal remarks to get some clarification of her situation.
"Standing under my mushroom is where you are stupid child! More importantly where am I?"
Alice stooped just enough to look closely at the umbrella. Sure enough it was a huge fungus with a white stem and a bright red head.
"Can you please tell me where I am sir?"
"You look hungry. You can have a nibble if you like."
Alice looked at the old man quizzically. It wasn't the first time she had received that offer and the consequences had usually been entertaining.
"You sure its safe to eat. Some of these fungi are dangerous."
"My dear Alice this is a truly magic mushroom. You will find the result of one bite totally satisfying for all your hunger."
Alice made a snap decision and took an enormous bite. The flavor was strangely familiar; a little salty but at the same time sweet with just a hint of sliminess on the tongue.
