A month went by. I wasn't injured from my fall, and I even found myself with a strange new energy as though whatever was inside Helen was affecting me. While I was afraid that Helen would leave when I didn't agree to her request, she stayed and was still hopeful. However, things had definitely changed. She no longer liked going out during the day. She could and there were some times when she had to accompany me, but she seemed to be drained by it horribly every time, and wanted to take a nap. That was odd, but then we were used to be tired already I supposed. The most remarkable difference was that her increased sexual desire didn't dissipate.
Helen began going out regularly. She bought a completely new wardrobe and focused much of her time at studying what girls of that age did in the modern day. Much of it turned out to be quite vacuous, but she had other ways to amuse herself. She'd often come home well into the wee hours of the morning just before sunrise. A few times she complained of soreness that she wasn't used to anymore. Helen just could not get enough, and she told me about it. She spoke of the men who fucked her, and the weird things they liked to do. While she thought that the younger ones were fun she preferred the men in their thirties of forties. They naturally found the idea of a wild eighteen-year-old who was strangely wise beyond her years to be irresistible. She had many offers to move in with them, but stayed loyal to me. When these men came around to our house they thought that I was her loving grandmother.
I felt older than ever.
Helen made herself scarce whenever my family came for a visit, which was increasingly rare. I'm pretty sure they believed that my decision to live with Helen meant that I wanted my space from them. That wasn't really true, but I didn't correct them. The truth was that I wasn't sure about anything. I had become comfortable in our life together. It worked for both of us older women. But after what Helen did...
Where did we stand? She was young again, and I was still old. It wouldn't work that way. She offered me the gift that she received. All I had to do was say "yes", but would I be betraying the rest of my life? Where was the line between the pursuit of my own happiness and my assured responsibilities as a "Matriarch"? For all the positives of being a grandmother I couldn't forget the sting of the pity. My grandchildren mostly tolerated me for a few days at a time. My own children believed that I was a stubborn old woman who would only prove to be a burden later on. Wouldn't it be better if I relieved them of that?
My decision was made.
One night, she came home earlier than usual. Her date hadn't gone well.
"How are you tonight?" I asked,
"Pissed."
I thought I noticed a strange glimmer in her eyes like a cat's in the dark when the light reflect on them, but then it was gone.
Helen continued in a rage I had never seen in her. "Guys are fine most of the time, but they can get clingy! I can't really explain that I was married three times and am kind of over it. Then he tries to get all domineering on me. Maybe I'm just burned out."
She seemed truly upset. Strangely, there was some need for her to cover her mouth in front of me. Like a Japanese woman might do to cover an inappropriate laugh.
"Looking for something new then?"
"Yeah."
"So am I. I want it, Helen. I really do."
Helen gave me a sidelong glance that contained a hint of sadness. "Are you sure? You've only seen a little of how I am now. It's very different." She wiped her finger under her lip and came back with a trace of red.
"Is that blood?"
"It is. It's not all nice."
"He hurt you? We need to call the police."
She shook her head. "That won't be necessary. I took care of it. Thomas taught me."
"I don't understand."
"I know. My world is different now. Grace, when I saw Thomas again I was completely enraptured by a dream I had been holding on to for years. I wanted it so bad, and maybe I didn't make the right decision, but I made it. I wouldn't want that for you."
"But you seem so happy."
"Remember the night it happened? It was rough. I thought I was going to...die. And so did you."
"So now you don't want me to do it?" I was so shocked. How could she scrape me off like that?
"Of course I do. I just worry about you."
I recognized that sentiment immediately. It was the same pity that my family gave me. There was no way I could live like that with such a thing coming from Helen too.
"Helen, I need it. I'm tired of living like this. There are bound to be new challenges, but we can face them together. Like we were meant to."
Tears glistened in her eyes. I didn't notice it at first, but they looked just a little bit different than the tears that I remembered. "All right, Grace. We can do this, but what about your family?"
"They'll be fine. It's better if I'm out of the way."
"You might regret it."