At 6:00 pm, Kevin knocked on Brandy's door. She felt her heart racing as she answered it. Her smile was strained and awkward on her face and she didn't want to let him go when he hugged her.
"Oh, sweetheart," Kevin said. "You've been crying." The young man had changed into casual clothes before coming over.
Brandy nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She wore her dancing penguin pajamas and her pink panties. She always wore her pink panties because they helped her feel brave. Or, rather, it made the world around her feel more ridiculous. No matter what happened, she could always just think to herself:
Sure, I can understand you want to yell at me because the extra shot I added to your coffee at your request is somehow now
too
much but, you know what? I'm wearing hot pink panties with two little pink bows so, there!
She was amazed at how much it helped.
"What's wrong?" Kevin asked. "Are- Are you breaking up with me?"
Brandy's lip quivered but she swallowed before she started crying. "No," she said, her voice cracking. "I have to tell you something."
Kevin followed Brandy into her room, sitting on her bed when she did. It was a small room with a little dresser and a single night stand with a lamp. The bed took up most of the room - queen sized mattress with huge, thick old blankets. Like with her panties, the bed and blankets were often her refuge when she was depressed.
"What-" Kevin said.
"No, wait," Brandy answered. "This is hard for me to say and it's serious. But, I don't know how to say it right. I never have. It's not the first time I've tried to explain it. Just, promise me you'll listen? That you'll actually listen until the end and let me finish before you say anything? And that you'll give me at least some benefit of the doubt?"
"Yeah, sweetheart," Kevin said. He looked confused and worried. "Of course."
Brandy closed her eyes. Her heart thudded loudly in her chest and she felt like she had to go to the bathroom. She knew she didn't but it's the way she felt before most stressful things like first dates or job interviews or explaining that she wasn't entirely human.
Maybe I shouldn't,
she thought.
Maybe I shouldn't do this. I could just make something else up. A, umm, sudden trip I have to take. Death in the family. Something other than this. It's all so absurd and embarrassing. I could just go and then figure out whether or not I come back. Or whether I break up with him.
Sneaking a glance up at her boyfriend, she saw the worry in his eyes. He sat quietly, waiting for her to speak, neither rushing her nor becoming upset over the awkwardness of it all.
Augh,
Brandy continued.
But he's
Kevin
. He actually cares about me. I've never met someone so thoughtful and empathetic.
Despite her repeated broken relationships and broken heart, the young woman never seemed to stay down long. Part of her wondered if that were the other part of her expressing itself - the indomitable optimism.
Oh, Jesus-
"Let's," Brandy began. "Let's pretend for a minute, okay? Let's say there's this, umm, world, where things aren't entirely normal. Like, there's witches and other stuff, okay? And curses. In this other world. I'm definitely not talking about this world. Just hypothetically. Strange things happen sometimes and there aren't always explanations for them. Okay, remember your promise. Now let's say I lied. Let's say that that world
is
really this world. And I'm cursed. Well, my family is. Cursed. By a witch."
Kevin's face ran a gamut of emotions before settling on disbelief. "Are you saying-"
"You promised to wait and listen," Brandy said, her hand raised. "Somewhere way back when, my family was cursed. A great great great great grandparent was a jerk to a witch or a wizard or something magical and we change. Into... Looks. It's. Umm. You know werewolves, right? From the movies? Big huge tall two-legged monsters? Well, kind of like that. Only not wolves. It's more like a dog. And rather than murderous rages, it's more like wanting to play fetch. A stupid happy dog. On two legs. I've set up video cameras to see what it's like. What I'm like. It's... I'm dumb. I don't remember anything once it starts until I wake up. But I just do dumb dog things."
Brandy watched Kevin. He was no longer incredulous. His face was a pure, blank mask and Brandy knew that was worse. She pushed herself to continue before she lost her nerve. "Dog things. Big, two legged, human sized dog things. See this blanket? My grandmother quilted it for me. Look, on the edges, chew marks. I often wake up in random parts of the house with it because it's my- the dog's favorite blanket, too. I hide it from myself sometimes."
"Brandy, come on-" Kevin started.
"I have a goddamn doggie pad! I kept shitting in one specific spot in the corner of my living room so I set up a doggie pad for my stupid doggie self to crap and pee on instead of the floor! And a huge food and water dish! And then I still wake up sometimes with the fridge open and food just spilled out everywhere." Tears rolled down the young woman's face and she angrily rubbed at them with the back of her hand.
Kevin reached out to squeeze Brandy's knee. He obviously wanted to ask questions but he held himself in check.
Before Kevin could interrupt, Brandy continued. "My father is dead. I have a cousin in New York and a brother down in South America somewhere but that's it. Parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts, they all kill themselves. Everybody does in my family eventually. The change starts after puberty and goes slowly. Randomly. Maybe once year then once every six months and eventually once a month. And then it bleeds into other things. When... when we were making out on the couch the other night, I started to change. That's the first time it's happened because of sex. I masturbated last night and it started again. It happens like that eventually. And then it's several times a month. And then once a week. And then it's-"
Brandy hid her face, voice catching as she cried. Kevin reached for her automatically, holding her close as she sobbed. Slowly, she calmed enough to continue.
"Eventually they're stuck like that.
We're
stuck like that. My dad killed himself when I was nineteen. He was changing every night and, even when he was human, he wasn't very bright anymore. I never knew my mom. She wasn't part of it. It's only our direct blood line. She left me with my father after I was born because she knew what would happen to us. I've never heard from her. I don't know how long I have left. Maybe year. Maybe a decade. Or more. Or less. It's not- it's not on a standard schedule."
Taking a deep breath, the young woman finished. "I've given this speech, well, a variant of it, four other times. All four of those guys walked on me. I can't hide it from you now. Not if it's happening during sex or if I get excited like that. I can't have a normal relationship if it's at that point. So I had to tell you. And it's shitty of me to do it and I'm sorry but I love you and I can't not tell you. I won't-" Brandy swallowed hard several times. "I won't blame you if you leave."
Kevin held Brandy quietly. Minutes passed without a single word. When he spoke, his voice was quiet and thoughtful. "You- you said you had some videos of it happening? Can you show me? I'm sorry, I don't mean to doubt you but, it's a lot. It's a lot to just take in, Brandy."
"No," Brandy sighed. "I deleted them after I watched them. God knows what would happen if I accidentally uploaded them somewhere or something happened."
"Then, I don't-"
"I can show you," Brandy said.
"Show me?"
"I can change in front of you. Only on one condition, though."
"You can actually just... are you serious?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm pretty sure based on the past two nights. But, you have to promise me. If you leave, just, lock the door. And never tell anyone what happened. Please. I don't have much of a life but it's mine. I can't and won't live in a freak show or as some science experiment. Maybe... maybe it sounds dumb or childish or whatever but if I got out and people saw me... Kevin, I couldn't handle that. Promise me. I won't blame you if you leave but at least give me that much."