Ryan watched his cousin as the little girl delighted in putting her pony through its paces. Rex's arm was loosely wrapped about his mate's shoulder. Jaycee stood stiffly; the weak smile she wore did not reach her eyes. He knew how difficult these past few days had been for all of them.
His go-bag was packed and sat at his feet. Kira was packing hers now. Within half an hour, this part of his assignment would be over. He already had his orders for the next stage - infiltrate McBride Industries at the highest level.
If Sean Riley was dead at his own hand, it was nothing more than a glitch in the investigation. They had bigger fish to fry; they always had. Riley had only been one domino in a long chain of them - a crucial one perhaps.
The agency had long suspected his involvement with Gerald McBride, but they had had no evidence to prove it, or even enough to get the search warrants to move ahead with their investigation. Not even the US government accused a man like McBride of money laundering, prostitution, and dealing drugs without substantiation.
Jaycee Riley's testimony might not be enough to convict the man, but it was enough to get the go-ahead to put him undercover in the man's company. It would be his job to find corroboration.
He studied the woman closer. He knew way more about her, her child, and her ex-husband than he was at liberty to share with his cousin. He knew that pain like hers did not just disappear overnight. But she was an incredibly strong and intelligent woman; she would have had to be to survive marriage to Sean Riley.
Ryan did not doubt that eventually his cousin would find some way to heal those old wounds, which the past few days had reopened. After all, Rex had the mating bond on his side. Ryan sighed; he wished there was more he could for the man. More that he could share with his cousin, but he supposed Rex's bond with the woman probably supplied details that not even the agency had uncovered.
He had wanted to go to Rex the other night. His cries had been so pathetic. Ryan had even made it as far as the doorway, but Grandfather was more able to manage the situation than he was. What did he know about relationships?
Oh, he had had a couple of girlfriends over the years, but none of them lasted more than a few months, a year or two tops. Maybe he was like the man who fathered him, whoever that might be, incapable of true love and commitment.
Growing up a bastard in small-town Texas had not been easy. His mother, like Jaycee, was incredibly stalwart. Ingrid Ranger had, with the support of her family, finished her final year of college, then brought her baby back to the town that their family had helped to found. But not even his family's standing in Fredericksburg could wipe away the stain of his birth.
For over three decades, his mother had dedicated herself to two things: the small museum where she worked as a historian and her son. She had faithfully dragged him to the Lutheran church each Sunday until he got old enough to refuse. She had served two terms as President of the PTA. But none of that could obviate the sins of the young woman who had born a bastard.
Maybe if Ingrid had remarried? If she had found love again? If he had had a step-father? Perhaps then he would have understood more about relationships, about how they worked. About this thing called love and commitment. But she had not. The only male influences he had growing up was his uncle - Rex's father, and Grandfather.
"They will be fine, my son."
Ryan chuckled; he had long since gotten used to the way the old man did that. As a teen, he had resented the man's ability to read his thoughts, but in his time in the military and with the agency, he had seen how valuable those skills could be.
"I know," was all he said. The hard truth was he was jealous of his cousin. Maybe he always had been. The whole mate thing. Having one perfect woman in this fucked up world. One woman meant just for you.
Oh, he understood the dark side of that, too, even before this case. Grandfather had never hidden that peril from his grandson. Though the man was one of the few, the only living one in memory, to survive the death of his mate without succumbing to the darkness that had claimed Sean Riley's life and soul, he had always been clear with Rex about the dangers.
But still, Ryan knew he would give anything to be in his cousin's position. To know that kind of love and stability. To be accepted, flaws and all by another human being. He sighed, but such was not his lot in this life.
He felt the firm grip on his shoulder and turned to look into the depths of the universe in dark eyes that knew all his secrets. "We all have mates, my son. It is just that for some of us, recognizing them is easier."
Ryan shook his blond head, if only he could believe that as easily as he had so many of the other lessons he had learned from this man.
He turned back to watch as his cousin drew the woman closer to his side. He saw her stiffen, he knew at least some of what she was struggling to come to terms with, but the old man was right. Between Grandfather, her little girl, and his cousin, he was confident they would break through those walls of pain, encasing her heart right now. What were terrible memories when compared with such love and devotion?
Rex brushed a kiss across his mate's forehead, and Ryan's heart tightened in his chest. He was happy for his cousin. Really, he was.
"Remember, son, if you want that kind of love, then you must be willing to risk giving it as well," the old man gave his shoulder a final squeeze and walked over to join the couple as they clapped for the child's equestrian endeavors.
Ryan shook his head; he would have plenty of time to ponder it all. It was a four-hour drive to Houston, and if things went the way they were supposed to, he would be on a ten-hour flight to London soon.
He loved his job, really he did. It was just - sometimes, he wanted more. But Ryan Ranger had learned early in life - some things just were not meant for little bastards.
***
Jaycee watched as her daughter put the pony through its paces. Angel's face shown with happiness. Happiness that was in stark contrast to the events that had transpired here just three days ago. Not that she begrudged her child this happiness.
But Jaycee was struggling, struggling to come to terms not just with the events of the past few days and weeks, but of her ten-year marriage. Hell, a lifetime of pain and heartache as a foster child.
She stiffened and inhaled as his strong arms drew her even closer against his hard body, his lips brushed her forehead. 'It will be alright, Nʉ Sʉmʉ,' his calm voice spoke in her turbulent mind.
She wanted to scream, to push this man far away, to scoop up her child and run. Run so far and so fast that...
Jaycee exhaled slowly as tears slipped out the corners of her eyes. But that was not possible. Angel thrived, perhaps needed, Grandfather's guidance. Besides, where would they go?
Their 'ranch' was frozen, all of Sean's assets were. Rico, Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act. Since she had purchased the farm with her settlement from the divorce, it was a grey area, and at least until she, herself, was cleared and could prove that she had no idea of her husband's illegal activities or the monies source that avenue was not open to her. Of course, her income from the few cases that she had taken was not in question. But that would not go far.
More tears joined the others until her vision blurred. The truth was she did not want to go anywhere. Even if she had the money. Even if Angel was not so incredibly happy here on this ranch with Grandfather and Rex.
Rex. As hard as she pushed him away, kept him at arm's length, she could not even begin to imagine what it would be like to crawl into bed alone at night. She did not want to consider it.
Rex was the only thing keeping her sane. Not even the depths of her mother's love for Angel could anchor her right now. Only falling asleep in his strong arms, her head pressed into the molten steel of his shoulders, the refreshing, crisp smell of man filling her senses, his words of love in her mind a lullaby. That was all she had.
But it was not fair or right. She had nothing to give this man in exchange. Nothing except pain. It was all she had ever known.
"Mommy, look," Angel called as with Hector's help, her pony jumped the lowest wall. She held her breath until her daughter was safely on the ground.
The fear of losing her that Jaycee had lived with almost Angel's whole life was slowly loosening its hold. Perhaps not fast enough for her child, who wanted to make up for all those lost years of sickness, wanted to cram those lost experiences into every moment.
No pain was not all she had known. No matter what, she could never regret her daughter's existence. If she had it all to do again, knowing everything she knew now, would she? To have that beautiful soul in her life and this world?
Her throat tightened as she brushed the tears away with the back of her hand, "You're doing really well, Angel."
Yes. Yes, to have her child, her daughter, she would do it all again. Perhaps she would change some things; the death of that girl still weighed heavily upon her conscious. But all of it, the swinging, the clubs, even that cane was worth a single one of those smiles.
"Now, you see, my daughter."
Jaycee was no longer surprised that Grandfather seemed to read her thoughts, as clearly as Rex had from the beginning.
She had not had the energy the past couple of days to block Rex. What he thought or felt about those things she had not dared to consider. She caught only brief glimpses of his thoughts, things that she knew he wanted her to see. But otherwise, she was both too inexperienced at such things and also caught up in her own shit to delve deeper.
"Regrets are pointless," the old man continued. "If you had not walked the path you did, then you would not be standing here this moment. You would not have that special little girl. And while you and Rex are Fated mates, you would not be the same person that you are."
"Strong, beautiful, compassionate, loyal. You are all those things, Nʉ Sʉmʉ. And like the steel blade of a fine hunting knife, those things have been forged in fire." Rex brushed away a stray tear, "As your mate, I would do anything to prevent you pain. I'd lay down my life for you, Jaycee. For our little girl."
