Part 4
Bear walked alone in the forest. A sense of deep loss surrounded him. He remembered a time before when he felt things were different, but those times had now faded. Faded to the point of them being difficult to recall a sense of everything is as it should be. All will be well.
Now it was more an understanding that past things were too good to be true. From, here a short step took you to "it's all going to stop" and thereafter "I can not prevent this."
The weight came from the sure knowledge as a result, his heart would break. Bear had found the most precious of things, true love, but now also true fear.
"Oh God, I can't help it," he painfully uttered,
"Oh God, I can't stop thinking of her." And then through tears,
"Oh God, she fills my dreams." Then finally,
"Oh God she owns me."
Thoughts tumbled through Bear's head unbidden. I can't resist any more; I can't stop wanting her; I can't but hope it is true. What if?
Bear's heart was now scared that Lizzie does not feel for me like I feel for her.
How these what if's turned to daggers in his heart. Sure understanding that Lizzie must turn from me.
With this Bear purposed to run, there were places he could go, Far far away caves to sleep in and being alone, the fears will be gone.
It was then that he heard Lizzie.
Lizzie was coming. He could sense her skipping along the path.
Oh my, he had to run, oh my, he had to run now, but Bear's legs would not move. Bear heard Lizzie calling. Bear hid behind a large fallen tree, paws to his head, blocking his ears.
It was so hard. He wanted to call. He wanted to tell Lizzie But his inner fears captured his heart and he could not make a sound.
Bear heard Lizzie's tone change. She was so happy as she came into the clearing, but soon her calls were full of concern. Then impatience and, finally, anger and loss.
Now Bear had an additional problem. He heard Lizzie's calls become sad. He heard the pain in her voice and finally, oh God, she sat down and was crying.
Bear knew she now understood he was deliberately hiding, knew he was fighting against her love, and he watched her sadness grow. His heart broke. He could not stand to see, to feel her pain. He could not breathe and then he stood, his feet no longer under his control. Next, he was shuffling out of hiding to stand in the clearing, listening to Lizzie's sobbing as she sat alone.
Finally, Lizzie was still. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes to see Bear standing across the clearing. She was startled for a moment, then took a deep breath and pointed at the ground before her feet.
Bear jumped as if shocked, his limbs suddenly moving forward. He called "no no no"inside his head, but all he heard in reply was Lizzie's "yes yes yes" within him.
Bear now stood before Lizzie. Trembling, his eyes fixed upon the ground. He had nothing to say. Tears rolled down his cheeks. He was lost within himself.
Lizzie finally spoke,
"Why Bear, tell me why?"
"Why did you hide?"
"Why did you seek to leave?"
"To run and take away our love."
"Why would you seek this? How can you justify?"
"What drove you to such an act of cruelty unto my heart?"
With this said, Lizzie was silent. Bear tried not to speak, but the pressure built and built. Finally, he could no longer hold it in.
"I'm not good enough," he blurted out.
"You won't really want me when you truly see me. You will turn away and I will be lost."
Lizzie looked at Bear for ages, just stared and stared and stared.
Then Bear watched her eyes change. They went from green to slate grey, then grew darker and darker.
Bear began to tremble. He saw the storm coming and knew to be afraid.
Finally, Lizzie exploded into speech,
"You Fucker,"
"How dear you."
"How dear you assume."
With those words spoken, Lizzie leapt to her feet and slapped Bear's face hard.
The shock brought Bear to his knees. He looked up bewildered, feeling the sting, only to be struck again with even greater force.
"How dare you believe you know my heart?"
"How dare you think I could abandon you?"
"How dare you think so poorly of yourself?"
"How dare you tell me you are not good enough!"
Each statement was accompanied by a resounding slap. Lizzie's eyes flashed with anger and then rage. She stilled for a moment and grabbed Bear's snout screaming,
"Don't you move an inch." Then stormed off across the clearing.
At its edge was a willow tree and Lizzie ripped off a good long supple branch and stamped her way back across the clearing.
"You think you know my heart?" she screamed and whipped Bear with the willow branch.
Bear howled in pain.
"You think you can judge how much I care?" Lizzie screamed again and again, whipping Bear with the willow branch.
Bear jumped with the pain from each impact.
"You dare to tell me you are not good enough?" she screamed.
Now she just whipped Bear with the willow branch again and again and again. Bear was lost in remorse, contrition, and guilt. The pain from the willow just focused him upon his failings.
He soon started to plead, to beg, to say,
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," through tears and sobbing, but Lizzie was lost in her rage.
Much time passed until there were moments of silence interrupted only by Bear's crying and Lizzie's harsh breathing.
