Hi, all!
Annabelle Hawthorne here to bring you the next chapter in the HFHM saga, lovingly entitled "Let's fuck Christmas!"
New Reader? Start at the beginning, I implore you. I don't know that there's an easy way to summarize, well any of this. Once upon a time, Mike inherited a magic house with fuckable monster girls. Currently, he's in the North Pole with fuckable magic girls. There's a bunch of stuff in between, you'll love it.
Returning reader? Welcome home! I'm sorry my chapters are getting spread out, I promise it isn't some sort of impending doom on my end. I've just been busy with edits and other writer things. Make sure you check my bio to get an idea of when I'm posting, I try SUPER hard to stick to it, cause I love the readers here and want to do my best by you. You've changed my life and you're amazing.
Anyway, don't forget to leave comments, reviews, stars, etc. I get some really nice letters from you all, and they definitely help off-set the really weird/means ones (those are rare, don't worry). It's kind of like walking through a room full of kittens and stepping on a lego with bare feet. I am momentarily in agony, but the kittens soothe my sadness with their adorable little faces and how fluffy they are!
*cough*
That's enough out of me. It's time for Mike to discover
True North
It took most of the hour to get Santa's bedroom cleaned up. Mike and Yuki had stacked the wet towels in an empty laundry basket by the fireplace before sitting down to eat the food left for them. Beneath the silver domes on the tray was a wonderful roast duck dinner with green beans and mashed potatoes on the side. A thermos full of hot apple cider had been provided, and the two of them ate in silence on the floor as they attempted to finish the meal before Mrs. Claus returned.
Occasionally, a loud banging could be felt throughout the house, but Mike had decided it would be better to stay put. He was already on her bad side, and didn't have anything else to wear other than the pants she had given him. His clothes were lost in the cracks of reality, and he didn't feel like wandering around the North Pole in just his pants.
Yuki kept flashing him sly smiles. Her upbeat demeanor was infectious, and he caught himself smiling in response. When they finished eating, she leaned against him and closed her eyes.
"Not bad for a first date, Caretaker." She chuckled and put her hand against his chest. "Though I would have preferred somewhere with more dancing."
"Oh, so we're dating now?"
She giggled and turned her face away from him. "I'll probably end up pregnant after what you did. We might have to get married."
"What?" He sat up so suddenly that Yuki fell away from him, revealing the stupid grin on her face.
"Man, you're so easy." She laughed and patted her belly. "I can't get pregnant unless I want to. For someone who likes to blow his load in every woman he fucks, you put very little thought into the potential consequences."
He pressed his lips together and frowned. The thought had occurred to him more than once that he should really get his shit together regarding all the women he had sex with. "You're not wrong," he admitted.
"Maybe Christmas Present will give birth to all sorts of new holidays. Mike day, big dick day, Radl--ow!" She jerked away from him when he pinched her inner thigh.
"I should probably talk to Naia about birth control," he admitted. "I've just taken it for granted that so many of you are either incompatible with me or can take care of it yourselves. That's how I ended up with an egg and a little horse boy who hates me."
Yuki sobered up at the mention of Callisto. "I don't think he hates you," she said, then sat up and adjusted her robes. "The centaurs aren't stubborn because they're taught to be. They really are just born that way. The herd are his people, and maybe it's that you represent that part of him that's always going to be different. He's still a child and doesn't fully appreciate that being different is a good thing."
"I suppose so." Mike looked at the door again, wondering where was Mrs. Claus. He had expected her to return in exactly an hour, but he had no way of knowing just how much time had passed.
"Should we leave?" she asked, noticing his gaze.
"No." He looked back at her. "I suspect she's still dealing with Kisa and hopefully Tink and Holly." His familiar was thirty feet below him now, and he could sense her gratitude and contentment, which likely meant that Mrs. Claus was feeding her as well. He had tried to communicate a couple of times, but Kisa had been too distracted to sense him. "Telepathy would be really nice right about now," he told her.
"Then maybe you should find a telepath to fuck." She winked at him and stood. "So how does this work? Can you summon ice magic now?"
"Hmm?" Realizing that she was asking about his ability to swap souls, he shrugged. "Oh, right. No idea, it isn't always obvious. Would be nice if it was."
"I see." She stretched and walked across the room. "Do you think visualizing magic was the trade off?"
"Can't be. We hadn't, um, finished yet." He had told her about the weird tendrils he had seen. In fact, with a bit of concentration, he could see an aura surrounding Yuki. It sparkled like a diamond and changed colors depending on how she stood. "My best guess is that maybe it's from Christmas Present."
"Interesting." She lowered her head in thought. "I guess it would make sense, sort of. Christmas Present can see everything that happens around Christmas day, all at the same time. Do you think that means you can only do it on Christmas?"
"No idea. Will probably experiment with it later when I don't feel so burned out." The meal and rest had refreshed him, but his body ached. Even though he had never run a marathon, he assumed how he felt now was comparable.
"Should probably put a condom on, first," she replied. "In case you make yourself come again."
"Ha ha, very funny. I'll know better next time." He shook his head at the memory of pulling his magic back inside of him. In hindsight, he should have known better. "Being turned into a cum fountain is a party trick I don't feel like repeating."
"Yeah, my sinuses are still out of whack from it." She snorted for emphasis just as the door to their room opened. Mrs. Claus stood there with her hands on her hips, then walked inside for a look around. She said nothing for several moments as she inspected the room, then nodded.
"I suppose dessert is in order after all," she declared, then looked at Mike. "Some friends of yours are here. Why don't you grab a shirt from that closet and we can all meet in the kitchen to discuss what happens next."
"Yes, ma'am." He watched her leave, then let out a deep breath. Knowing that he was off of Mrs. Claus' shit list was a huge relief.
The closet contained several long-sleeved white cotton shirts with buttons at the top. They were vastly oversized, but seeing no alternatives, he put one on. While adjusting the collar around his neck, the shirt shrank down until it became a perfect fit.
Had the pants done the same thing? He hadn't even noticed while putting them on. Seeing a pair of slippers at the bottom of the closet, he put them on and waited. Unlike the clothes, the slippers didn't seem to have any magical properties. They were maybe a size too big, but kept his bare feet off the floor.
"Not bad," Yuki told him. "I imagine Santa can't have someone adjusting his clothes on the fly every time he eats too many cookies."
"The guy's got all those elves, I just figured there'd be a whole division devoted to tailored clothes." He tucked the shirt in and gestured to the door. "Shall we?"
They left the room and found Holly standing outside. The elf sighed in relief when she saw them.
"Kisa said you'd be here," she said. "Though we were a little worried about what shape you'd be in. Mrs. Claus said you were fine, but she seemed upset."
"I'd say it was just a misunderstanding, but we didn't get off on the right foot. Our arrival was a bit...tumultuous."
Holly nodded. "Ours, too. We crashed a reindeer through one of the skylights. The Krampus beat us here and was too preoccupied with banging on the front door to see our approach. Mrs. Claus wasn't mad, though, she was pretty happy to see us."
"Mike rode in on the ghost of Christmas Present," Yuki offered. "I won't bore you with the other details."
"You saw the ghost?" Holly stopped and turned around to face them. "We met Christmas Past, but they were so damaged."
"Christmas Present was on the fence, but Mike was very convincing." Yuki winked.
"Oh, thank Santa." Holly put her hands together and sighed in relief. "That is great news. What about the ghost of Christmas Future?"
"Uh..." Mike looked over at Yuki. "That's one we haven't dealt with yet."
"Oh." Holly took them to a spiral staircase carved out of wood. It wrapped tightly around a central column with decorations carved into it. He recognized a lot of the decor as pagan in nature, but didn't know much else about it. "I hope he doesn't show up here. He's the scariest."
"What does he look like?" Mike asked.
"Kind of like your friend, Death," she replied. "Only way more intense. He sees everything that could happen to you, which is his gift. But seeing a near infinite number of futures every time he meets someone...we think it's part of the reason he doesn't talk. His mind is just so busy filtering information that he barely exists in the present."
Mike frowned, wondering at the implications. How could he battle a foe capable of seeing the future? Were the spirits' powers limited only to the time around Christmas? It was something that bore consideration.
At the bottom of the stairs was a doorway that opened into an enormous kitchen. Modern day stainless steel appliances clashed with the root-like structure of the room's framing. If he didn't know better, Mike would believe he was actually below a giant tree.
The large kitchen island was big enough to seat ten, but its only occupants were Kisa and Tink. Both of them jumped down from their seats and nearly knocked Mike over with their hugs.
"Asshole," Kisa muttered. Tink didn't bother with words. Instead, she bit his side through his shirt.
"I missed you, too." He hugged them both affectionately. "I'm glad you're safe."