Once again my thanks to mikothebaby for editing for me :)
Enjoy!
*
Andrei knew that neither his mate nor daughter were aware of Mac's tension. They had no idea of his past and he was masking his emotions quite well. Hell, if Andrei hadn't been aware of Mac's past he would have been fooled too.
But he was aware and he knew the other male was about to break his daughter's heart. He couldn't allow that to happen.
"Mackenzie, if you've got a moment would you join me in my study?"
"Dad..." Lily frowned at her father, immediately concerned that he was going to so something rash despite his promise.
Andrei gave her a brief smile. "I just want to catch up on how Pietro's getting on. I promise to be on my best behaviour." Her relieved smile was worth the small lie he told. He did intend to ask about his friend but that wasn't the reason he was inviting Mac for a private talk and the other vampire knew it.
He left the kitchen and headed to his study, letting Mac know in no uncertain terms that refusal wasn't an option.
Mac knew there was no avoiding the conversation with Andrei. Part of him even understood because he would do the same thing if someone was about to hurt someone he loved. But he didn't want to talk about it. He was under no illusions that he would have to discuss it with Lily at some point but he wanted to choose the time for that discussion.
He reluctantly followed Andrei into his study staring at his friend's rigid back as he closed the door. "I know what you're going to say. Just leave it, Andrei. I don't want to discuss it."
Cold brown eyes turned to meet molten black ones. "You're about to break my daughter's heart and you don't want to
discuss
it?" The words hissed out of Andrei's mouth, his expression hardening into a terrifying mask.
Anyone else would have quailed at his expression, but Mac held his ground. "This is between me and Lily. It doesn't concern you."
A low growl erupted from Andrei and his eyes began to bleed to black. When he spoke his voice was cold and low. "Only a walking dead man would have the nerve to tell me that my child doesn't concern me. Are you seriously that stupid, Mackenzie? Do you seriously think I'm just going to stand back and watch you destroy my daughter?"
"That's a tad bit melodramatic even for you," Mac answered just as coldly, his eyes a bottomless pit of darkness as he refused to be intimidated by the other man. Losing his temper with the volatile vampire wasn't the way to go. Andrei was waiting for an aggressive reaction so he could feel justified in committing the violence he so obviously wanted to.
"What goes on between mates is no one else's business but their own. Or should I start interfering in your relationship with Loretta now that I'm classed as part of the family?"
The unexpected question appeared to divert Andrei for a moment and his next growl was more feral at the prospect of anyone interfering between him and Loretta. He wouldn't tolerate such a thing and neither would she. Unless the pack was endangered somehow, mates' relationships were sacrosanct. Everyone knew that.
He hissed again and glared at Mac, who calmly met his gaze with a raised eyebrow.
With an irritated snort Andrei turned away and stalked over to the window, staring out into the trees surrounding the house. Deep down he knew his friend was correct, that he had no right to become involved in Lily's relationship now she was mated. But how could he just stand back and do nothing when she was going to be hurt? She was his little girl and always would be, no matter how grown up she was.
"Lily would be a wonderful mother," he finally said, loosening the grip of his feral side. "She's part Were, it's in her blood. You can't take that away from her, Mackenzie. She'll stay with you because you're her mate and she loves you but she will never be truly happy being childless. Her happiness should be all the matters to you."
"Do you think I don't know that?" Mac ground out releasing the tight control he had on his emotions now he sensed the danger had passed. He kept his mate bond muted but his voice betrayed his inner turmoil.
He ran a hand through his hair and walked over to the chair in front of Andrei's desk. He sat down and lowered his head into his hands, rubbing them wearily over his face. "I can't do it again, Andrei."
The words came out on a choked sound causing Andrei to turn to look at his friend. The expression on Mac's face helped release some more of his aggression.
When he'd first met Mac, he'd still been in the grip of relentless grief even though centuries had passed since the death of his family. His ferociousness had been one of the things which had formed a bond between them at the time. Andrei could relate to the wildness living in the bleak darkness of Mac's eyes.
Over time, the grief had waned and his friend had found some inner balance but he found himself looking at that same expression he had seen a thousand years ago when they'd first met. He was stunned to realise that the pain of losing his wife and child had never really left Mackenzie; he'd just managed to hide it better.
"I can't have another child," Mac continued shaking his head in denial at just the thought of it. "Try and imagine it, Andrei. God forbid, but try and imagine losing Lily or Kallum, how it would make you would feel. There is no pain in the world worse than losing your child. You can endure anything else after it because nothing can compare."
He broke off and looked away, swallowing hard. The memories had never faded, never once left him since the day he'd found his family dead. They were worse now because his vampiric memory was so much more accurate that his human one.
Each moment played out in his mind in glorious technocolour. He could see everything so clearly. He could smell the scent of the blood, the acrid smell of death in the room. Hell, his imagination could even replay the agonised screams of Maria as she watched her daughter being murdered before her very eyes.
"Imagine it, Andrei and then you tell me if you would be willing to father another child into the world, to spend every waking moment terrified that you'd lose that child as you lost Lily or Kallum."
Mac's voice broke and he blinked back unshed tears as he tried to keep some level of control. "I can still see Sophia as if it happened yesterday. There are nights I lie awake in tears because the only memory I have left of my little girl is of her lying dead. I can't remember her smile or the sound of her laughter. I can't remember her scent or what it felt like to hold her in my arms. All that remains is her throat torn out, the blood and the awful stench of death."
Andrei slowly crossed the room fighting with the urge to rip something to shreds at just the thought of anything happening to his children. The raw pain in Mac's voice helped to keep him calm, helped to diffuse the need to turn feral and attack his friend. Logic told him that Mac wasn't threatening his children with his words but it was his nature to overreact when his family or pack appeared to be threatened. But he held his emotions in check and concentrated on what Mac was saying and the pain he was in.
Andrei couldn't understand how Mac had borne the level of pain and grief he'd had for fifteen hundred years and still remained sane. Only a strong male could have endured it. He had to reluctantly concede that Mac's pain was so deeply embedded, that the likelihood of him changing his mind on the topic was remote.
Lily was in for a world of hurt but she would stick with Mac to the end because she would put his happiness before her own. If having children would hurt her mate then she wouldn't have any. It would be that simple for her.
When he reached Mac's side, he laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently. "I will never know your pain because no one will ever take a child of mine from me," he said quietly. "Try not to hurt her too much, Mac. Make sure she understands everything. Once she does, she will be content with her life but if she thinks you are rejecting her in some way she'll react negatively. Remember she is my child in every way."
It was the best he could do because his heart would always side with Lily. She was his blood and therefore his priority. He couldn't hurt Mac because that would hurt Lily and when all was said and done, this was between the two of them to work through.
He had to take a step back and allow his daughter to make her own decisions. She had chosen Mac as Loretta had chosen him. Both of them came with baggage that even a saint would struggle to cope with. But Lily was as strong as her mother. If Loretta could weather the storm with him, then Lily could cope with anything that Mac threw her way. He had to trust in her.
Mac shut down the memories fighting to overwhelm him. It was hard because the shock of realising he could now bring a child into the world again had caught him out unexpectedly. Usually he could control his emotions better because nothing ever blind sided him, but this...this was just so unthinkable, completely intolerable.
He dreaded having the same conversation with Lily. Andrei was right and he'd have to be careful how he discussed it with her so not to incite her wolf and cause another outburst like the one with Karn. She would be hurt and he would be the cause of her pain. The very thought of that caused his heart to ache and self-loathing to invade his soul.
But he couldn't have another child, he just couldn't do it. Lily had to understand that. She had to accept it because he would never change his mind. And he had to find a way to explain it to her and still retain his composure. Losing control as he'd just done with Andrei was unacceptable. He couldn't allow Lily to see him like this.
When he turned to his friend, his expression was once more controlled, his inner pain carefully masked. "I'll talk to Lily when the time is right, Andrei. You won't say anything to her about my past." It wasn't a question.
He watched his friend's eyes narrow sharply and then the reluctant nod he gave. Mac was amazed at how calmly Andrei was taking it. Obviously, the years with Loretta had tempered his friend's wildness a lot because the old Andrei would have tried to tear him to pieces by now. Or maybe it was because he carried the wolf gene inside him.
Mac too carried that same gene but he didn't feel any differently than he always had. He did sense something deep inside but it was so muted it was hard to pick up most of the time. It was easy to imagine it wasn't there at all. Was it because Lily was only half-Were?
