A short story I wanted to write after reading a comic from Baalbuddy. No relation to my other series.
I feel I'm terrible at thinking up titles, I was originally going to name the story this: "Knick-knack, Paladinny-whack! Give a Gob a bone!" But it was too long and maybe a bit too silly? Thank you Noxid for thinking of it anyway and WildBSinTX for editing my crazy ideas.
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"Why did my order have to establish such a blanket mandate?" brooded the confused paladin as he re-adjusted the shield on his back. After steadying himself with his spear, he continued to pick his way up the steep, rocky slope.
"I told you why," rebuked a coarse female voice. "You pillars of justice, righteousness, and other fancy-sounding words were failing poorly at your vows of abstinence."
"I've never done anything to damage the reputation of the knights."
"Maybe not you personally, but your compatriots have -- or maybe I should say cumpatriots," she snickered.
The paladin looked down at the unusual 'cargo' he was carrying. "A momentary lapse in duty. Surely, with more discipline, they could have maintained their vows."
A pair of amber eyes leered up at him. "Keeping a lid over the kettle all the time will just make it boil over. Sometimes you have to stir the pot," she countered.
"Better to just not fill the pot."
"Everyone gets hungry, even you."
He sighed. "I'll admit I have felt the urges, but I'm still unsure about this as a solution."
"You may have reservations about it, my chivalric friend, but our chieftains were thunderstruck when your leaders came to us asking if we wanted to participate in a joint venture.
"Us goblins eked out a fairly dismal existence on the border of your country, so we were obviously suspicious. I mean, wouldn't you be if some fancy-dressed human came to your crude little village on the edge of the swamp asking if we would be interested in joining your fancy-schmancy organization?"
"Yet your village agreed even though you would be..."
"Stress relief companions? I believe that's how your commander put it. He even asked all politely and respectful, no less."
"Sounds like the commander. He's known for having a strong respect toward other races, as long as they show it in kind."
"Well, his sincerity and deference won us over in the end. For me, it was a dream -- a chance to leave home and see the world. It even came with all sorts of perks. I get to eat three tasty meals a day, protection from danger, companionship, and the occasional warm bath." She accounted as she ticked off the reasons on her fingers.
"Though, I wish they didn't have to rush us through our initiation. It all happened so fast: a day to get settled and familiar with your outpost, two days to get us outfitted and geared up, and an hour for our debut."
"Did you enjoy our introduction? Twenty of us strutting out onto the outdoor stage in the courtyard in our new yellow and white tunics. You probably couldn't see it because it was quite small, but it had a small emblem sewn into the sleeve of a flower dripping with honey to denote our newly-commissioned honeypot status.
Everyone was so excited, well, except you. Even the female paladins seemed intrigued by the male goblins on their side of the plaza. Still can't believe your commander let us choose our partners!"
"This collaboration wouldn't have worked if the two people being partnered up weren't at least amicable. Which makes me still wonder -- why did you choose me over all the others? I don't have any seniority, I'm the least skilled, and I don't have many heroic deeds to my name. Surely you could have picked someone else who could satiate your...excessive appetite."
"Given how... reserved you are, I doubt anyone would have had you. Besides, I could care less if you have a famous name. Anyone can learn to swing a metal stick around, even with a modicum of training.
When I spotted you in the crowd, what caught my attention was your demeanor. You weren't ogling us like many of the others in the crowd. You looked like you couldn't decide if you were shocked or intrigued. It was kinda cute. I thought it'd be fun to flirt and tease someone like you, younger than myself."
She played with the ends of her hair. "I noticed you didn't seem to take much notice of the other girls; you kept a fairly steady gaze only on me. I was curious, what part of my body were you looking at. Oh!?! How adorable! You're blushing! Come on, tell me!"
"Your ears," he mumbled.
"My ears? Really? Not what I would have expected. Huh... most people like how busty I am, or how thick my thighs are, or even how pudgy my belly is." She deftly ran her fingers down her broad ears. "What do you like about them? Their length? They are quite long. Since they reach all the way to my shoulders, they tend to flop around quite a bit. Did you want to stroke them? Nibble them, or," she smiled wickedly, "were you imagining them as handles for some other activities?"
"I just find them cute, that's all," the paladin stuttered, trying to hide his embarrassment.
"Hmm, is that so? Well, since we are going to be together for quite a while," she purred, gently slapping her ear against his leg, "you're free to touch them whenever you wish."
Feeling the heat rise in his face, "Maybe later," he said hastily.
Looking toward the summit of the mountain road, he attempted to change the subject. "Don't you feel this is demeaning?"
"How so?"
"I'm literally carrying you around like luggage." He beheld his pint-sized goblin companion hanging from his gauntleted hand. "And... you're naked!"
"Am not! I'm wearing my harness," she announced proudly.
"You knights have your overly shiny white and gold armor as the uniform of your profession, and this is mine." She ran her hands down the hardened leather fitted snugly around her body. "Perfectly crafted for... what did your buddies nickname us? Shortstacks? A very apt name!" she commented.
"No, I mean, why aren't you wearing what you wore on stage?"
"It's for formal occasions, and I don't want to get it dusty. Besides, your artisans almost bent over backwards to make these harnesses as comfortable as possible. My arms and legs have free range of movement, and the soft fur feels amazing on my naked skin. It has small pockets for snacks and a chest-and-crotch cutout allowing full cock access to all the important bits... wherever, whenever. Or it would...if someone wasn't so stingy with theirs," she pouted.
"I have no intention of... using you. I'm only following my commander's orders by bringing you along."
"So obstinate! You're carrying a prime cockwarmer here. Do my sharp teeth scare you? Not into short, older, busty girls, or does my green skin throw you off?"
"It's not that. None of those things bother me."
"Well, if you change your mind, I keep myself wet nearly all the time, so you can just stick it in."
