"I want to fuck a dragon!" Eliza declared as she slammed her hand down on the Archmagi's desk. The balding elderly elf looked up from his reading and adjusted his glasses.
"It's been done, Eliza. You will have to find a different topic of research." Calmly he lowered his gaze and turned the page.
She narrowed her eyes and smiled. "Oh sure it's been done... in a way. But no one has fucked a dragon without it having to transform itself."
With a tired sigh the Archmagi set down his book again. His weary hands pulled off his glasses, folded them and placed them on the desk. "Eliza... I understand you are one of our most accomplished researchers in magical studies. But is this really what you want to be your crowning achievement? I'll repeat that this has been attempted before with... catastrophic results. Surely you could pick a topic that is less... controversial? Like finding the bottom of the Void?"
Eliza crossed her arms as she sat back in her chair. "Dragons are slowly going extinct. They need to be able to breed again. Polymorphing their physical forms takes immense amounts of magic and has been recorded that lessens the dragon's own pleasure. This leads to difficulties both in achieving orgasm as well as with impreg-"
"Yes, I get it." The archmagi cut her off. "Fine. I authenticate this quest. Will you be requiring adventurers?"
She smiled softly. "Just one."
***
Bard was a victim of his name. The young human that grew up in the grand magical city of Magehaven struggled to put distance between himself and his name.
"Horny Bard!" The children would chant and tease as he worked so hard to learn how to fight and cast magic. He never once touched a musical instrument. He refused to sing. And under no circumstance did he ever try to flirt or seduce anyone. His only dream was to become a respectable adventurer and shed off the stigma that haunted him since childhood.
It wasn't entirely his fault. His mother had fallen in love with a member of the Bardic Guild. Never learning the man's name, she bore his child and named her poor son in his honor. As often common, the guild pays her a wealthy sum of gold for her silence. But despite the guilds efforts they still cannot hide their reputation. That same reputation that has been stuck onto Bard himself. Cursed with a charming face and a sexy voice, Bard has done anything and everything to avoid actions that make him seem "horny."
Today all of his patience and hard work would come to fruition. Now as a licensed adventurer, he would put behind the taunts and jibes of strange sexual acts whispered behind his back. He would take up a proper quest and aid in the furthering of magical research. He stood proud with his armor, sword and shield. His mid length dark hair billowed majestically in the gentle afternoon breeze. Around him other hopefuls waited, each hoping to be selected for a quest with a magi.
The tower gates opened and silence fell across the courtyard. The powerful clack of boots on wood echoed across the gathered adventurers. The first Magi was a tall elven man with illustrious blond hair. His gilded robes swayed heavily around his willowy frame.
He looked at his clipboard and adjusted his glasses. "Our first quest. Eradication of an invasive species of carnivorous flower."
Bard quickly raised his hand. But it was not to be. Another adventurer was chosen. He watched longingly as they strode into the tower. Quest after quest was handed out and each time Bard was denied until only a handful of hopefuls were left. The elderly elf tapped his pencil on his clipboard and sighed. "That is all for today. Come back tomorrow for new quests."
His heart sank. Oh well, he thought. I'll try again tomorrow. He turned to leave with the rest when the elf called out again.
"Bard Miller, come with me please."
He stopped mid step. With perfect practice he turned on his heel and faced back towards the Magi. Bard gave a crisp salute and stood at attention. The elf looked him up and down with a smile.
"Mr. Bard, it seems you have been chosen for a classified quest." The Elven magi said as he handed Bard a sealed scroll. "Head into the tower. Research lab 34 D. Do not open this scroll until instructed to by a magi."
He could hardly believe his ears. Bard nodded with excitement and rushed into the tower with the scroll clutched in his hand. The stone steps flew underneath his feet and he found himself before a massive wooden door. The gold plate shone in a strange arcane text but his mind was able to translate it as 34 D. Steeling himself, he took a deep breath. He tried the handle, surprised to see it unlocked and pushed his way inside.
Immediately he was affronted with a barrage of scents and sights. Powerful and seductive perfumes teased at his nose. A strange musk lingered in the heavy air. He could see a plethora of alchemic beakers in various states of testing. Something to his right belched a plume of acrid smoke and he stepped away from the vial.
"Just a minute!" A sweet voice called within.
"Um... hello! I'm uh... Bard Miller. I'm here for a classified quest?" He took several uncertain steps towards a cloth barrier sectioning off the next part of the lab. His boots sounded uncomfortably loud in this place. He could see plants of a wide array silhouetted against the curtain. Among them he could spy the signature broad brimmed hat of a senior arcanist. From what he could judge, she was a petite thing. About a foot shorter than him and willowy in nature.
She must be an elf, He thought to himself as he reached out to part the fabric.
"Yes! I'd hope you'd arrive soon! Please just wait I'm doing something very-"
Too late: Bard stepped through the curtain. Before him stood a beautiful elven woman with a fair complexion. Curly ginger hair rolled down her back and cute freckles spotted her cheeks under her piercing green eyes. She looked to him and then down to the plant held between her hands. It looked like a strange elongated bulb. A tense moment held in the air as she froze, her eyes darting between Bard and the plant.
