June 3
rd
1885
Somewhere above The Stonewall Mountains
If there was a sound more appropriate for calculating the lifting capacity of an ellipsoid roughly eight hundred feet in length than the music from a string quartet, I was not sure what it might be. I scratched away with a ballpoint pen I had purchased in Caladon from its inventor. He had gone on at length about the reservoir of ink within and how long it could go before being needing a refilling. But what had impressed me was the fact that it could write on nearly any surface. Including, for instance, a cocktail napkin. The barkeep had looked at me as if I was speaking elvish when I had asked if he had had any paper.
"What's this here?"
The voice - thick and blustery - drew my attention. My brows furrowed and I looked over my shoulder, then down at the gnomish gentleman who had stepped up to the bar where I was hunched and scribbling. The gnome looked up at me through thick rimmed spectacles and was gripping onto the suspenders underneath his rustic smoking jacket as if they were the only things keeping him rooted to the carpeted floor. Behind him loomed the ominous and incongruous combination of a servants black and white finery and the iron hard muscle and greenish complexion of a truly immense half-ogre. The combination of gnome and half-ogre bodyguard was so common as to be nearly a clichΓ©, but I will tell you this: A clichΓ© remains effective when well used.
And the low, threatening expression on the half-ogre's face was
quite
well used.
"I beg your pardon, my good sir?" I asked the gnome.
The gnome seemed to become more rancorous from politeness than he might have been if I had spat in his face and strangled him with his own necktie. "What exactly are
you
doing here at the bar, half-orc?" he asked. "Do you even have a ticket?"
I sighed, then made to reach into my smoking jacket. The half-ogre clenched his fists and growled and I tensed, momentarily. A single wrong move might end my so far rather delightful voyage with a stoved in nose-bone and my brains dribbling out of my ears. I thanked whatever gods were listening that I had stowed my revolver in my room, as it meant there was nothing more threatening in my jacket than the rumpled ticket that I produced once they saw I was not carrying a weapon.
The ticket, embossed with the Industrial Council's cog and the flag of the United Kingdom, was rumpled because I had grabbed it off the poker table before flinging myself through the window of the Roseborough Inn. The fellow who had wagered it had clearly believed it was impossible that a half-orc could draw royal flush without cheating and my argument that the odds were merely one in six hundred and forty nine thousand seven hundred and forty had been less than persuasive. The gnomish gentleman eyed the ticket, then harrumphed.
"I see," he said. "I was not aware that any half-orc would be so adventurous and intelligent, to set foot upon the newest Wonder of Our Age." I could hear the capital letters. I smiled, then picked up the drink I had ordered before. I sipped as the quartet in the corner of the ball room started up their next set - a sprightly number that was something someone could actually dance too. When I set my drink down, I sighed, feeling the pleasant burn of the cheapest whiskey that was available sandpapered its way down my throat.
Hey, I wanted a drink. But no one else here could
tell
what I was drinking, so why bother reaching beyond what my scant few coins could manage?
"Well, Mr..." I paused.
"Castleburger. Godfrey Castleburger," the gnome offered.
I inclined my head. "Well, Mr Castleburger-"
"Senator Castleburger," he corrected.
I pursed my lips fractionally. Of course he had left the
senator
out. I repressed the first response that wanted to spring to my lips and carefully said: "Senator Castleburger. I could hardly pass up a chance to be suspended beneath three hundred tons of flammable gasses." I sipped my drink. "What
red blooded
man wouldn't?"
Senator Castleburger scoffed. "Ah, I see, you've been listening to the fear mongers aboard this fine airship." He slapped his palm against his chest with a sound not unlike a drum being struck. Gnomes tended to being scrawny, unlike halflings or dwarves, and Castleburger was no exception. His stature and his posture reminded me of nothing more or less than a greyhound that had learned to walk on his hind legs, followed by an introduction to the Academy of Posh Gits, which he graduated from.
With honors.
"The IFS
Zephyr
is completely safe," he said. "Why, each section of the flight balloon is separately sealed within its own ingeniously designed self-repairing bubble of canvased fabric. There are spare hydrogen stores within the ship, in pressurized forms, themselves contained within the hardiest armor and the sturdiest tanks that the United Kingdom could devise. What is more, even if the impossible were to happen and
every
single section of the balloon was to be perforated the
dozens
of times that it would require for them to lose lift, the propellers can be angled
downward
, to allow us to land safely, whether we came down in University Court or...or...or...the Isle of Thanos!"
I arched an eyebrow. "So, you'd go so far as to claim that this ship is unsinkable?" I asked.
"Well, we're an
airship
, not a sailing ship, but...yes!" Senator Castleburger said.
Which was when the quartet's music was shattered by a horrible
chatter chatter chatter
noise, the shattering of glass, the screams of men and women, and twin buzzing roars. The half-ogre bodyguard of Senator Castleburger pushed the elderly gnome to the ground then knelt over him as he had been trained. I sighed, downed my drink, and crumpled up my napkin of equations.
"But of course," I said, dryly.
I started towards the door leading out of the ballroom as several crewmen, resplendent in their red jackets and tall hats, shouted for everyone to remain calm. The screaming did not abate. In the narrow corridor, I braced both hands against the walls, to keep myself from skidding away as the
Zephyr
started to cant crazily to the left. Or was that the port? Either way, it made heading up the stairs to my chambers on the fourth deck tricky. I had to brace my feet against the insides of the stairs and use the banisters to keep myself from pitching forward.
That chatter chatter noise again. But this time, I was able to see their effects and could piece together the source: The ceiling
piffed
as holes exploded through thin wood and thinner steel. Sparks and wooden chips showered onto my shoulders and head. I lifted my arm and crouched down low and the holes passed me by, without tracing a line through my soft flesh. I shook myself and looked up at the holes.
A name came to mind. I had read of it in The Tarantian, boasting of the United Kingdom's newest weapons.
"A machined gun?" I whispered.
And then the
Zephyr
shuddered and rocked. My nose flared and I scented smoke. Flames. I shuddered and resumed my movements, trying to keep my feet while the slewing grew more and more intense. I had to scramble over a ledge made of what had once been a wall to reach the corridor that led, hypothetically, to my room. I saw an elven man in a suit of leather armor, clutching a still faintly luminescent longbow. He had been shot four times through the chest and head, his brains oozing upon the floor. I shook my head, scrambling past the sad scene. "Sorry, old boy," I whispered, then came to my door.
I put my hands to my pockets, and realized that somewhere in the confusion, I had lost the key. Another explosion rocked the ship and I heard the massive propellers groan and sputter and
die
. Then the chattering started again. I flung myself down as best as I could. Wood splinters sprayed across my back. I looked up and saw that the lock to my door had burst apart.
"My thanks," I muttered, then crawled into my room. I knew that it was essentially a talismanic gesture, but I wished to hit the ground holding my revolver.
I succeeded in this task admirably.
***
I opened my eyes to a splitting headache and a sense of miraculous awe. I was
alive
. Yes, my spine felt as if it had been worked over by a dwarven masseuse and my head felt as if the entire human population of the United Kingdom had stepped on it on their way to the train station, but I was
alive
. I shifted in the small hollow of wreckage that had formed around me and craned my head about to try and get a bead on where I was. It seemed that my room had
crumpled
upon impact with the ground, forming a perfect cylinder around me that had spared me all save for the bumping and the scraping.
I checked my pockets, then looked around myself once more. There was my luggage. It had been compacted almost entirely, save for a single corner of a suitcase. The leather had been torn open and I saw the pouch I kept my bullets in stuck out of the hole. I snatched it and frowned as I heard the ominous
creak
of metal around me. I scrambled away and out of the tunnel of metal, finding my feet were now whisked out from under me by a cascade of loose debris under my feet. I tumbled, fell, and swore all the way down a roughly pyramidal shape of metal. When I hit the dirt and the brambles beyond, I stood with a slow groan.
My jacket was torn positively to ribbons.