All the Ing's Horses

Sector 98-A, Neutral Space

The Milky Way Galaxy

2398

Tiffany Winters was glad that four centuries on ice hadn't catapulted her into a universe where humanity had lost touch with the more basics of their essential nature. Sure, the people of the Federation might be weird space communists who voted on who was in charge on a warship. Yeah, they regularly talked with gods and used cloned vampire brain tissue as a ersatz artificial gravity generator. All of this was pretty out there.

But one thing that hadn't changed?

Virgin boys were just

adorable

when they tried to act nonchalant.

Sebastian kept glancing at her out of the corner of his eyes as he scrubbed his hair with a towel in the small bathroom adjoining his room. "You are going to have to shower too," he said, his voice a bit prim. "It's not going to

help

because Bruce is going to be there..." He sighed, slowly. "Damn werewolves."

"Uh, I'm not a bridgezone officemax," Tiff said, laying back in what had been Sebastian's bed but now, due to the transmutational effects of railing a hot vampire, had become

her

bed. "So, have fun being bored, master. I'm sleeping in."

"Can you stop calling me that?" Sebastian asked.

Tiff's cheeks darekend.

Fuckermucks,

she thought. Yes, when given the choice, she would rather have not had to drink a pint of vampire blood. But since her options had been 'drink some of Sebastian's blood and become Ensnared to him by fucking vampire mind mojo magic bullshit' or 'die horribly from being impaled through the throat', Tiff had taken the better of the two options. The irritating thing was how

easy

it was to just call him Master. Easier, considering how she'd been...

"Replicate a uniform for Winters," Sebastian said to the wall mounted replicator, which began to whir.

"Wait, seriously?" Tiff sat up, blinking. "They're going to want me in the conference room?"

"Doubtlessly," Sebastian said. "I know how Tobias thinks. He never misses a chance to put someone with unique skills in the same room as a problem. And we have a problem. A great number of them." He looked at her. His skin was marble pale and bloodless and yet, somehow, he still managed to blush. "So, I'd get showered and dressed. If. Please. That is. Winters." He coughed. "If you'd be so kind." He added. Tiff blushed, then stood. She stretched, grinning as she walked past him.

"You know, Sebby-"

"Not my name..."

"-you're not the

first

vampire I've had sex with," she said, slipping into the shower. "Heck, I lost my V-card to Vicky. Vicky was four hundred years old when I met him. Now he's

eight

hundred years old. Wow." She shook her head, tapping at the large button that indicated hot water. Perfect temperature water started to cascade down her shoulders and her back.

"...you had sex with Victor Enache?" Sebastian asked from the main room, sounding like he had just had a golfball jammed down his throat. "Yo...how...old were you?"

"Six...no, seventeen," Tiff said. Then she sighed. "You know, it was actually really nice. Should have known better..." She shook her head, then ducked her head under the water.

"Should have known? You were seventeen!" Sebastian souded aghast. "If he wasn't forty sectors away, I'd call him out right now!" He started to pace. "He might be tenth generation and halfway to being an honorary Tepet a-and...I...I still-" He cut off as Tiff leaned halfway out of the shower, dripping on the smooth, chrome floor of the bathroom, looking right at him.

"Dude," she said. "Chill."

Sebastian blinked at her. "But he took advantage of you..." he said, slowly. "You just said-"

"Oh, no, I said I should have known better than to think something nice in my life would last longer than ten seconds," Tiff said, shrugging one shoulder as she leaned up against the glass door of the shower, letting the water pound against her shoulder blades. Her voice was wry. "Turned out, sex with me counted as a single moment of happiness. Some old gypsy curse got slapped on him back in 1778, and when it broke, he went into psycho vampire mode. Turned half of my friends into dog-monsters with visplebptible..."

"Romani..." Sebastian said, sounding dazed. "G-Gpysy is..." He trailed off. "Victor Enache has a Romani curse?"

"Yeah. Sucks, doesn't it?" Tiff ducked back into the shower.

"It sounds awful," Sebastian said, his voice honest.

"Yeah." Tiff ducked her head under the cascading warmth, shook her hair out, groaned, then shut off the water with a slap of her palm. She sighed, let herself drip for a second, then snatched a towel off the rack. Drying herself off, she stepped out of the shower and grinned at Sebastian. "So, you know, that's part of why I'm not

super

worried about the whole Ensnarement thing. Given my track record on boyfriends, you're a dead man walking." She walked past him. Sebastian blinked a few times.

"I..." He frowned.

"Kfap," Tiff said, taking the uniform he had replicated for her from the niche in the wall. "Are you sure this will fit on me?"

"It's smart fabric!" Kfap said. "It'll fit on anything."

"Coooool," Tiff whispered.

***

The bridge meeting room, when Sebastian and Tiffany arrived, held Captain Tobias (Tiff knew he was technically only a quasicaptain right now, but...fuck it), Lieutenant Bruce, the weapon's officer Xelnora and Dr. Galadrial. Galadrial eyed Tiff she gave her best salute. "Tiffany Winters, Vampire Hunter, reporting for orders!" She grinned. "How do I look in spandex?"

"It's not spandex," Sebastian muttered beside her as Tobias arched an eyebrow.

"It's not spandex," Tiff muttered back. "It just looks like silver spandex, is sexy like silver spandex..."

Bruce was sniffing the air, while Tobias nodded. "You look like a member of DSI," he said. "Which is remarkable, considering how you haven't gone to the Academy." Tiff took her seat as he spoke, grinning slightly.

"Special dispensation for being a bad ass from the past?" she asked.

"Something like that," Tobias said as Bruce leaned slightly closer to her, sniffing a bit.

"Yeah, we fucked, what of it?" Tiff asked as Sebastian started to sit - freezing halfway between standing and sitting, his red eyes wide as saucers. Bruce grinned.

"Nice," he rumbled.

Tobias smirked, but didn't comment, while Xelnora coughed. "I've finished my tactical analysis of the Capellan ship," she said, her voice serious. "Cross referencing it with what we've learned from our captive shapeshifter and we've got a pretty grim picture. We may have stopped the Imperium's attempt to weaponize the We Aggregate but if they get any more of these ships - or even just the neutrino communicators - they'll be able to drag Aggregate ships away from their territory and into ours."

"And that talk about the ecliptic?" Tobias asked.

"Well...space isn't two dimensional...but...most people focus primarily on the ecliptic of any given celestial system they're working on. It's just how sentience is put together, we use the shorthands, easy routes, the simple solutions." Xelnora pursed her blue lips. "If they lead the We out of the galactic plane, then back up again, they could come at the SOL system at an entirely unexpected angle."

Tiff frowned. From context, she figured the ecliptic meant, like...she'd always seen solar systems drawn as flat disks. So, that had to be what they were talking about.

Tiff leaned forward slightly. "If the Imperials bought a nutrilozio, why didn't they take it apart and try and figure out how it bleps? Why use the Capellan ship? Like, I mean, in Independence Day, they took the alien shit apart and..." She blushed. "None of you have seen Independence Day."

"It's...a reasonable question," Tobias said. "Sebastian? You've used Domination on the shapeshifter and you're the local Survey officer. Insights?"

"Anthropological infiltration in the Imperium has been slow going," Sebastian said, looking official and serious. But Tiff had seen how disgusted he had been at having to use his vampire mind mojo, even on a shapeshifting alien with delusions of godhood. She wanted to reach out under the table and give his thigh a squeeze. Instead, she kept her hands clasped before her on her lap and listened intently. "But we have made some preliminary discoveries. The Imperium is a theocratic civilization that enshrines a certain level of mysticism among their technology. Since a good number of their client races were bronze to early steam age before they were conquered, either by the Imperium or by the K'Za'Ngork, they don't have a widespread understanding of the technology used to control and rule them. For instance, an Imperial agent might accuse a family of sedition and produce the holographic evidence, gathered by a small bug, and dress it up as magic or the power of their God-Emperor, or what have you."

Tobias nodded as Bruce rumbled. "So, they wouldn't have the technical base to take the Capellan tech apart?"

"There's also the other complication to remember," Sebastian said. "The Capellans are capitalists. They built the ship with DRM."

Tobias nodded, while Xelnora nodded. "That does explain some of the baffling technical results we got from the survey," she said, frowning. "Components designed to fail in a few years, software that purely existed to render other bits of software unusable..."

"So, a Ford?" Tiff asked with a grin.

Silence.

"...harsh crowd..." Tiff said. Then, rallying. "Well, it sounds like we gotta find out which Capellan is selling to the Omni-Imperium and get them to stop. Like, if they're basically selling them end of the world rays. Like. That's...are we allowed to stop them?"

"Take direct action to disruption the economic interactions between two independent powers?" Tobias asked, his voice dry. "That would be in direct violation of the Prime Directive."

The rest of the bridge crew looked confused as Tiff slapped her palms on the table. "Ah! Ahh!" She said. "I know those words! You've been watching old stuff!" She grinned at him as Tobias smirked.

"I admit, I was curious," he said. "So, I went through the recordings we have in the Alpha Site. Prime Directive..." He shook his head. "We'd be under an alien boot for two centuries if we had that bullshit. Xel, set us a course for the most populated planet in the sector. We're going to find out where these deals are happening and we're going to stop them."

Xel nodded and stood.

"Wait, we're just gonna swing by a planet and ask?" Tiff asked. "Who runs this part of space?"

"That's just the thing," Tobias said. "No one does. The major powers have all worked hard at making sure that's the case. And one of the nice things about Capellans? Finding them is never

that

hard." He stood. "Sebastian, I need your help to work up a preliminary infiltration plan. Bruce, make sure our marines are prepped for low-tech fighting, just in case. And Winters..." He looked at her. "I want you to get your foot checked again. Just in case. Then take a history lesson."

"Quasiaye, pseudocappy!" Tiff said, snapping off the sloppiest salute that she could.

***

Tiff tried to ignore the fact that her foot was being scanned for invasive whatevertech that would, if it could, take over her entire body and turn her to the whims of evil space aliens. She was able to take some solace in her Hunter gifted powers. Super-strength and super-stamina was all well and good, but the ability to shake off mind control and bodily transformations were both real life savers. Once Dr. Galadrial drew back, he nodded.

"All right, I'm convinced," he said, quietly. "If the We could have taken your foot, they would have by now. And if there was any of their technology left inside of you, that scan would have pinged at least some of it, from a probabilistic side of things at least."

"Does that mean I can take off the weird glass sock?" Tiff asked, wriggling her toes. It had been weirdly easy to forget that her foot was encased in a thin layer of semi-intelligent hyperdiamond latticework. It barely felt like anything to her skin. Dr. Galadrial nodded and then removed the containment unit with a few taps. Once he had done so, he frowned at her.

"Next time you plan to put your foot down on some We spikes? Wear a boot," he said.

"Would it help?" Tiff asked, hopping off the cot and wriggling her toes.

"No, but most of our boots are designed to amputate limbs when they detect We infiltration," Dr. Galdrial said, his voice a gravely rasp.

"Ahh!" Tiff darted for the door - and it closed on Dr. Galadrial's raspy laugh. She shook herself and spoke to the air. "Kfap, where can I go for more history?" She asked.

"Your quarters," Kfap said. "Or, if you prefer, Sebastian's."

Tiff slipped into Sebastian's room a few moments later, grinning to herself as she sauntered in. "See," she said, quietly. "You can be in his room and it can just be normal and not weird Ensnared stuff." She nodded. "There's the bed, there's the desk, there's the shower. Normal room." She stepped forward. Then she dropped to her knees and buried her face against the patch of the bed Sebastian had slept on and inhaled, hard, breathing in the transitory, almost non-extant scent of a sleeping vampire. She drew back, panting and trembling from her head to her toes. "Okay. It's weird. You should go."

Tiff stood...then sat down at the computer, blushing hard as she swung the screen up and leaned forward on her elbows. "All right, Kfap. If I'm

going

to be in master's bedroom..." She bit her lip. "What's DSI stand for?"

"Deep Space Interdiction," Kfap said, cheerfully - the screen showing a scrolling array of spaceships. Most of them were lean and deadly looking, and had names that struck her as faintly Nordic. Fenris, Thor, Loki, and so on. She watched them skim by. "This branch of the Federation's military-civil service is primarily tasked with protecting Federation interests beyond the Federation's territory. They are most famous for their victory in the Battle of Bajin Prime, where they were instrumental in the defeat of the Narine Union fleet and the liberation of the L'thveg."

The images showed a wedge of blurry shapes, caught in the middle of ferocious motion, whisking between the curve of a brown-green planet. Above them, relatively stationary ships that looked like red bricks were splitting in half.

"Neat," Tiff said, frowning. "What other branches are there?"

"The DSI is joined by StarSec - Star Security - and the Federation Orbital Marine Rescue Service - the Marines. StarSec defends the boarders and planets of the Federation, while the Marines are used for tactical and strategic ground operations," Kfap continued, showing more ships, images of men and women in Paladin battledress, some of them posed holding up a green flag with a jagged lightning bolt through it. "However, each of the military branches combined are equal to one half the size of the primary civil service of the Federation, Survey."

"Which is the branch my Master is from?" Tiff asked, remembering how he had been referred to as a Survey officer. Then she slowly bonked her head against the desk. Sebastian. Not Master. Sebastian.

"Correct," Kfap said. "He was assigned to this ship as a liaison officer."

"Wait, so, like, Ma...Sebastian went to school, learned all kinds of science widgets, and got assigned to a

blow shit up

ship?" Tiff asked, incredulously. "I'd be

pissed

if that happened to me. Like, oh, look at me, I'm a...flower...doctor, doing flower studying, and

boom

, you stick me on a warship and tell me to go and shoot space aliens?"

"Sebastian, to the best of my knowledge, volunteered for this assignment," Kfap said. "...Tiffany...I don't mean to be a bother, but you were told to study history, not the strategic and tactical layout of the Federation's military-civil service."

Tiff nodded. "Right." She rubbed her palms against her face. "Lets start with the biggy. What. The. Flip. Is. A. Eugenics. War?"

"The Eugenics War was a period between 2042 and 2060, where a baseline-supremacist worldview was posited and defended by a program of genetic engineering, designed to create a counter-balance to the emergence of vampire, lycanthrope, gargoyle, paradimensional individuals, wizard and other assorted paranatural entities. The primary focus of the Eugenics War was in the creation of the Augments: Human baselines possessed of enhanced abilities. The first generation of these Augments, designed the Solar-"

The door opened and Tiff spun around in the chair to find Sebastian standing in the doorway, holding a tablet in his hands, frowning down at the screen. He looked up at her. "How did you get in here?" he asked.

"You didn't lock your door," Tiff said.

Sebastian pursed his lips. "I was thinking..." He said, lowering his pad, drumming his thumbs against it. "We shouldn't do this."

"Do what?" Tiff asked, feeling difficult as she drew her legs up under her on the chair.

"T...This!" Sebastian waved his hand. "What happened last night was a mistake. You're younger than me-"

"By, like, two years," Tiff said, rolling her eyes. "And, wait, no, I'm four hundred years older than you."

"You were cryogenically frozen for that entire time," Sebastian said, seriously, his arms crossing over his chest as he lifted his chin. "I'm older than you."

"You were a virgin until last night, dude," Tiff said, grinning at him. She liked how he looked when he was frowning. It brought out the light on his eyes. Sebastian looked adorably bashful, coughed, and then lifted his head up a bit more, as if he was trying to look even more adult and intimidating.

"It's still...inappropriate," he said."

"Why?" Tiff asked. "You worried that I'm being manipulated by drinking your...blood?" She grinned.

Sebastian nodded, curtly.

"Then test it," Tiff said, quietly. Her tongue darted along her lips and a tingling excitement crawled along her spine.

Sebastian blinked, looking kind of like he had taken a step up in a staircase and found nothing but empty air waiting for him. He lowered his arms slightly: "I...I beg your pardon?" He asked, sounding deliciously posh.

Tiff grinned and she cocked her head. "You're in Survey, sciencechomp. You know how science works. You, like, make a guess and shit, then you check to see if it's true. So, check. You're

guessing

I'm too mind zonked by guzzling on your special vampire go go juice that I can't be here ethically. So. Test it. Order me to...stand on my head. Or strip naked. Or suck your...finger." She slipped her tongue along her fingers. "See if I do it. If I do do it, then I don't belong here, but if I do

don't

do it, then I'm making the choices, I'm making the calls, and I should stay here and we can have fun with what we've got,

master

."

Sebastian blinked slowly. "You are..." He pursed his lips. "Right."

Tiff felt a twinge of guilt for tormenting him. But he was so

cute

when he squirmed. And...she felt a weird fluttery gushiness in her tummy at his admission. That almost made her want to get up and run right out of the room then and there.

Sebastian rolled his shoulders. He looked into her eyes - and his eyes began to gently shimmer and swirl. It was like looking into two pools of rich, warm blood. The idea of drowning in them was so tempting - she could almost taste the crimson flow, feel the warm gushing along her bare skin. She shivered slowly, her nipples hardening as Sebastian stepped forward and murmured, softly. "Show me your neck, Tiffany," he crooned. And she felt the hammer-blow of the command against her mind - a sledge of magic and raw sensual power, buoyed by the connection between her blood and her brain and his soul.