Katherine woke slowly. She didn't want to wake up. She was so warm. She snuggled closer to the warmth and buried her face into the leaves to block out the morning light. Donovan pulled her tighter against him and nuzzled her neck. Katherine's eyes opened as she realized what she'd done last night. She waited for panic and fear, maybe anger, to overwhelm her, but she could feel the wolf in her mind telling her to relax and just enjoy the moment, not to over think it. She frowned. She could feel the wolf there in her mind trying to influence her and she had to fight against it, push it back, and remember that she was human, not wolf. She felt the alien presence recede and felt cold for the lack of it. She extracted herself out of the leaves and Donovan's warmth. He grumbled in his sleep but she smoothed his hair, murmured comforting words till he drifted back into the depths of sleep.
She walked carefully away from him and felt the wolf in her mind try to push to the forefront again. She steeled her will until it receded again. She stumbled a little and clutched a tree until she regained herself. She pushed herself farther away from him and cursed herself. Jennifer had told her that she shouldn't meet with Donovan when she first changed because her wolf would influence her. She wanted to be pissed but she couldn't forget the feel of the wolf guiding her thoughts. Katherine frowned. It wasn't that it had guided her. It just hadn't thought a great deal of things were important. It didn't worry about the things she worried about. It wanted food, shelter, and companionship, and there weren't any consequences to worry about. And with its thoughts there, she couldn't bring herself to remember why she shouldn't fall into his arms.
She sighed and just wandered through the woods. She tried to cling to her humanity, but, wandering naked through the woods, she could feel and smell the earth. It called to her and she could feel the wolf in her mind, could visualize it pacing in a cage looking for a way free. It hurt to think of it and she tried to push it away but the image became stronger and the wolf howled to be free. Katherine stumbled to the ground, hugging herself. The wolf wanted to be free and run. Katherine shook with the effort of holding her human form. She choked on tears. It felt terrible to deny herself the pleasure of running free. She tried to tell the wolf, tried to make it understand her fear. She knew she had to get away from Donovan or she'd fall into his arms again. The wolf paused in her pacing and Katherine felt the question in the wolf's mind. 'Was the alpha dangerous?' Katherine remembered the night she'd first met him and the wolf began to pace again. 'The alpha hurt us.' It paced before slowing. 'If not for the alpha, we would not be.' Katherine remembered the confusion and fear. The wolf was curious but could not understand it. It wasn't concerned with what worried Katherine but understood that it had to work with Katherine's fears. 'We run from the alpha that hurt us, we lose the pack.' Katherine felt the wolf sit and wait patiently. It had to wait her decision. It wanted food, shelter, and companionship, but had to deal with Katherine's humanity.
She struggled to her feet and walked deeper into the wood. The wolf howled to run free but Katherine pushed it away. She fell to her knees and knew that she wanted to be away from here. To get away from this woods and this pack. She stumbled and growled to herself. It was awful fighting the desire to change into a wolf and run free. The lights around her glittered in her eyes and she buried her face in her hands. The wolf sensed a weakness and threw itself against the bars of the cage. She could hear the bars squeal as they ripped free and the wolf tried to bound free. She snarled and told the wolf not yet. It paused for a second before it threw itself against Katherine's mind.
Katherine's body convulsed as the wolf fought to be free. It twisted her body and she screamed as she felt the bones slide around. She wanted to vomit. This didn't feel like peace. It was hell. The wolf broke free and howled in triumph. Katherine found herself in a cage in the wolf's mind as it bounded free. She cried out for it to stop but it paid no heed to her desires as it ran free. She felt an almost soothing thought slide across her. 'We will not go back to alpha. We can not let us be controlled by that fear. We will go away.' Katherine cried out and wondered if the wolf would always be in control. She let herself drift into blackness as the wolf ran.
She awoke somewhere cold. She shivered and tried to remember where she was. The only thing that came to mind were scents, sounds and briefs flashes of scenery. She shivered and glanced about herself. She was in a small burrow of earth lined with soft leaves and pine needles. She snuggled into the leaves and wondered where her wolf was. She felt too entirely alone. The wolf was quiet to the point that Katherine wondered if it was still there. She tried calling to her wolf to no avail. She closed her eyes and sought her mind for the wolf. She was just short of panic when her mind came to something like the burrow she herself was in. Her wolf was curled in a ball exhausted. It barely lifted its head. 'Tired. Can't run more.' It closed its eyes and drifted into shadow. Katherine tried to keep the wolf from fading but it told her to let her be. 'We will be fine. You came back from shadow.'
Katherine shuddered. She hadn't existed for some time. She simply hadn't existed. It had been her wolf living in her place. The memories were the wolf's. She hugged herself tightly, terrified that she could just stop existing but something else could simply live in her place. She fought away the panic. If she had really stopped existing, then she couldn't have come back... right? She she shook her head and crawled out of the burrow to investigate her surroundings.
She stumbled in snow, gasping as the ice hit her bare skin. She frowned as she surveyed the area. It was some sort of fir forest, but she couldn't think of a forest like that anywhere near anything she had ever been. The trees had always been maples or oaks. The landscape was alien to her. She stumbled forward and tried to find some sign of civilization, wondering if the wolf could have known that she wouldn't survive naked in the snow.
She was stumbling through the snow for at least an hour. Her arms were crossed tightly across her body in a desperate attempt to conserve some warmth. She shook her hair to fall as evenly around her as she could. Her hair was much longer than before. It had gone to just past her shoulders when she had left to the woods for her first run but now hung down to her hips. She was shaking, her teeth chattering loudly, when she heard a low growl. She turned to it and found four black wolves stepping out around trees. They looked to each other and one stepped closer to sniff her.
"H-h-e-ell-l-lo," Katherine managed to say. The one stepping up to her cocked its head. He turned back to the other wolves who shrugged their shoulders. Katherine fell to her knees and pulled herself tighter. She didn't know how much longer she could survive in the cold. She was pretty sure real wolves didn't look to each other and shrug their shoulders. She felt so cold. She watched as they just looked at each other. She frowned. Was there some way they were talking to each other? But they weren't making any noises or moving. Finally the one turned back to her and nudged her until she got to her feet. He huffed at her and the wolves surrounded her. She was led through the forest. She stumbled but they nudged her until she got to her feet again. The one leading would turn to her and cock his head every time she fell. Eventually, they came to a clearing with a lodge surrounded by cabins. She was led to the lodge and stumbled inside.
Katherine felt eyes on her. She glanced up to see twenty men and women staring at her. She wondered what she must look like. She glanced at herself. She was covered in mud, melting snow, leaves matted in her hair. She sat kneeling before them frozen in fear. She wasn't sure that she might not have been safer in that burrow. What if her wolf only meant to sleep awhile before taking off to a safer place? The one wolf nudged her till she got to her feet and was herded before a fireplace large enough for a Clydesdale to stand comfortably. She curled in front of the roaring fire on a fur rug. She glanced around, waiting for someone to say something. The one that had been the leader disappeared down a hall while the others stood watch over her. They seemed more concerned that she might be a danger to them than in protecting her from the rest, though how they could suspect her a danger to them was beyond her. She was practically at death's door when they had nudged her inside the lodge.
A man appearing to be mid-fifties with shaggy black hair just graying at the temples came back into the room carrying a robe. He had a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt that looked hastily thrown on. He handed the robe to Katherine and sat on his heels considering her for a moment. Eventually he asked who she was.
"Katherine," she answered as she pulled the robe around her.
