A Shiny Horn

The pain turned to pleasure as quickly as ice melts. But that happened later. Oh gosh I got ahead of myself. Let's rewind.

It was a Tuesday, the weather was climatic. I was trotting through the forest as I paged through the latest issue of "O" magazine. My nipples were poking out of my mesh tank top. I'm male, by the way, but I also like other men. It had been six hours since my latest sexual encounter. I was horny. The last man who inserted his penis in my asshole had a ten inch dick with enough girth to lick.

(That last sentence was necessary.)

Due to my expansive anus, I knew I needed a large cylindrical object to fill the gap. Oh where, oh where, could I find such a device?

I ripped off nearby tree branches and tried to insert them into my already gaping asshole. The radius was approximately 3.2 inches. No branches could satisfy such a space. I wanted more.

Suddenly, I heard some rustling in the underbrush. What could it be? At first I thought it was an antelope, such a splendid beast. I was curious, so I proceeded to scout the area, my pants still around my ankles, my penis at attention. I saw a cone shaped object sticking out of the nearby raspberry bush, and thought it was an ice cream cone.

The shiny, beautiful shape seemed to cry out to me, "Sit! Sit on ME!" I acquiesced to its request, and sat, ever so daintily. At first it tickled the outside of my stretched out anus, I must admit I think it popped a pimple on the way in. How delightful!

Suddenly, I began to bounce up and down, up and down, as though I was a human pogo stick. But I was certainly not bouncing on a human, nor an ice cream cone, as I previously believed to be the truth of the matter. I wished I had breasts as I moved up and down. "They would have bounced," I thought.

After shooting my load (of semen). I realized I had to shoot off a load from a different hole, the gaping one. And as I shat on it, I realized that there was so much more to this ice cream cone that just ice cream. Out of the raspberry bushes rose a great beast!

It was more than a horse. It twas a unicorn! It's fur was a milky white, similar to my seminal fluid. Its eyes were as grey as the morning sky. It was a poop stained, a chocolatey brown.

A tear fell from my eye, as I realized that my fantasy of intercoursal relations with a unicorn would soon be fulfilled! At this point, he spoke to me with his unicornian tongue, which I understood of course.

"Jih blah Jih blah" he said. And I obliged, willingly. On all fours I raised my ass to the air, tempting him, welcoming him. He bucked into the air, bringing his hooves down upon my naked back, ready for insertion.

"Do it!" I yelled, trembling.

I could not have anticipated the force of the first thrust: violent, yet silky smooth. At that moment, I thought about what it would be like if I were a woman, and not a man. Would I be impregnated by said unicorn? Would I have a beautiful horned child with a large unicorn penis, given that it was a male, and not a female, which I would proceed to terminate?

He began to pick up the pace as he snapped my lace thong with horse like veneers. "Don't break that! It's from Victoria's Secret, the pink collection!" I yelled. Alas, it broke, but I forgave him. The joy he gave me was a joy I had never felt.

He began to spank me with his hooves, and told me he was a scientologist, and knew John Travolta. "This is a piece of ass I wouldn't mind tapping." I thought.

Suddenly, he pulled out of me, as he prepared to ejaculate all over my raw, sweaty body.

He bucked once more, and a stream streamed from his stream hole. Not quite silver, not quite gold. Instead, it was a metallic color I could not distinguish. I pulled out my flask and filled it so I could savor its succulent flavor. I considered putting it in a vile, to give to my young nephew Ronald, on his 6th birthday. A fine lad.

And yet, today I, myself thought I had been born again. A new man, with a larger asshole than I had in my previous years of living as a man in this world full of hopes, and dreams, and fucking,

I ducked beneath his girth, and we exchanged cellphone digits and parted ways.

Only later did I learn that it was a rejection hotline. Oh the pain.