"Neil!" she snapped. "Will you stop already!"
Avery hung her head in her hands. He'd only moved in this morning and she wasn't sure how much more she could take. He just didn't stop, didn't even slow down. He'd cleaned, emptied trash, moved furniture to make her house accessible. And he kept smiling all the way through. Sure, the house looked a million times better than it had done in months. He checked with her every time he made a change, making sure everything met her needs. Yet every time he did something it reminded her of all she hadn't done. She exhaled slowly, her body heavy with frustration. The day had started so differently... and so much the same.
--
Avery jerked awake as her alarm clock shrieked at her. Her heart pounded as she was ripped from the depths of a nightmare which faded too quickly to grasp. Something about a man invading her home. She suppressed a curse. That's right. Neil was moving in today. She'd set the alarm so she'd wake up in time to get the house ready for his arrival. She couldn't let him see it like this. Not really see it. Sure, when she'd interviewed him it had been at her house, but that hadn't lasted long and most of the lights had been off like always. She didn't want to see the mess; she couldn't bear the thought that he would.
She pulled herself up to a sitting position and reached for her wheelchair. She'd learned to leave it jammed against her bedside table to make it as stable as possible for when she transferred. She hated how much she struggled just to get out of bed -- a year ago, she'd been tearing up the basketball court. It shouldn't be so hard, but her insurance had only covered a few months of physio after her accident, and that hadn't been nearly enough.
Finally, she made it into the chair - breath ragged, arms shaking. She looked around her room. It wasn't that bad. If you only looked at the clear path between the door and her bed, it looked almost normal. It had to be accessible to use her chair. Beyond that, she admitted, it could use work.
She wheeled herself to the bathroom. A fallen magazine stand slowed her down for a couple of minutes until she could get a grip solid enough to move it out of her way. That, thankfully, wasn't too hard compared to most things she dealt with. She glanced at the clock on the wall and tried to hurry. She had a little over an hour before he was due to arrive.
Avery reached her bathroom and glanced at the shower. She hadn't been able to use it since the crash. But she could at least wash herself clean. Couldn't she? Looking at the sink she wasn't so sure. How had she ended up with so much clutter in there? Surely she still used it sometimes, didn't she? She tried to remember when she'd last even tried. The silence said it all.
There was no excuse today, she decided. She had to at least scrub down, get her face and body clean. She had a guy moving in. He might be a live-in aid, but she still had to look presentable... whatever that meant these days.
She wheeled over to the sink and began picking up the bottles of lotion, perfume, soap. She didn't have any cleaning solution to hand so she improvised, filling the sink with water and just scrubbing with the crusty wash rag she'd left there months ago. It worked - sort of. The sink was cleaner, but her hands felt horrible after handling the grimy thing. Finally, she was done and could focus on cleaning herself.
She pulled her t-shirt over her head and tossed it away. Neil wasn't here so she was safe to go topless until she reached the bedroom. A couple of minutes of scrubbing left the soap feeling less slimy. She lathered her hands and began to wash her face. She intended to hurry, but as she cleaned the accumulated filth from her skin she felt refreshed and relaxed. A slight smile curled her lips as she began to scrub her body, letting the water spill down into her lap. It soaked her pants, but she didn't care. She could change them. Right then, what mattered was how much getting clean soothed her.
Maybe today wasn't going to be so terrible after all. Sure, the house was a pigsty, but at least she'd be decent. She looked at how dirty the water in the sink was and shook her head. How had she let it get like this? Had she fallen so far that she'd given up so completely. Sure, it was hard to wash but it was more than worth it. She actually began to look forward to seeing Neil, to seeing anyone, for the first time since she left hospital.
Then she heard it. The front door. She'd given him a key so she wouldn't have to struggle to let him in.
Her eyes clamped shut in panic. Oh, God! Not so soon. The hall mirror was visible through the doorway. She could just see the door opening.
"I'm here, Avery," he said.
He was early. Her eyes met his in the reflection. She threw her arms around her naked breasts and blushed furiously.
"I'll... er... make a start on the kitchen then," said Neil, looking away and ducking into the living room.
Avery felt the tears well in her eyes.
---
"Neil!" she said again. "Stop! We need to talk!"
He froze on his way to the kitchen, put the cup he was carrying down on the counter, then turned to her. He looked scared.
"Yes. Avery?" His voice was clipped, cautious. "Did I do something wrong?"
She drew in a deep breath. "No," she said. "But I need you to stop for the night. You've been working all day. The house is spotless..."
That wasn't it though, was it? They hadn't spoken beyond what housework she needed doing since the incident that morning.
"And we need to talk about..." She hesitated, unsure how to say it without sounding like a victim--or worse, like she wanted to talk about it. In the end she waved a hand. "This morning. What happened. You know..."
Neil looked down at the floor. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't know you were naked. I wouldn't have come in if I had."
Avery was surprised. "What are you apologizing for?" she asked. "I gave you the key. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. If it upset you--seeing me--I'm the one who should be sorry."
Neil shook his head. "No, it's fine. I don't mind, as long as it didn't upset you."
He paused before speaking again, tentatively checking each word. "But there is one thing we should probably talk about.... I see your shower isn't exactly accessible. It's large enough but you don't have a shower chair. I can pick one of those up tomorrow. There's an equipment store on 5th. I used to get my mom's stuff there. But... if you're going to use the shower, you might need me to help you in and out of it. Are you going to be all right with that?"
For a moment, Avery couldn't breathe. Time... stopped. He was right, wasn't he? She hadn't even thought it through when she hired him, but help with hygiene was something she definitely needed. And she'd hired a man instead of a woman. She wasn't sure how she felt about that. She thought for a moment before speaking again.
"Maybe you can just set up the shower for me and I'll do the rest. I already have to get in and out of the chair and dress myself so... it can't be that hard, right?"
