Jonah
The storm finally broke. My first love, my darling, the source of years of affection, was mine. Was this even possible? She loved me. She actually loved me. I could spend eternity in bed with her, exploring her body and memorizing her topography. When I checked my phone I saw 1 missed call from Mandy and several texts. I'd get back to her later, I thought. I was sure she was just pissed we didn't get anything juicy last night.
I went home, showered, and slept a little more. I awoke blissfully calm for the first time in a while. I thought about texting Vanessa but remembered I promised to give her time. I decided it was time to deal with Mandy and so I called her back.
"Jeez it's a pain to get in touch with you. Are you home?" She asked.
"Yeah I am." I guess I could do this in person.
"On my way." She spoke, hanging up a second later.
I answered the door to a smiley Mandy. She sat at my dining room table and asked me to do the same.
"I know this isn't good news to you like it is to me...but I am actually pregnant this time around." My thoughts thundered in my head and for a few minutes I heard nothing else. The universe was playing a cruel joke. This was impossible. And...Vanessa. Oh god I needed to talk to Vanessa.
"I meant what I said. I am not wanting you to be involved; this isn't entrapment. I don't want this kid to be around someone who doesn't love his/her mom and is forced to hang around. I want my child to grow up seeing a good relationship, or none at all."
"Yeah," Was all I could say. For better or worse, I would be a father. I just needed to convince Ness to stick around. Why would she though? I couldn't blame her for leaving and not looking back.
Mandy tried to discuss some more details with me and I half-listened through it all. I had fucked up-what sort of egoism allowed me to believe everything would go back to being okay after all the shit I had caused? I was a complete moron.
"I can take a test here if you want proof." She offered. "I brought one."
"If you want," I told her. It explained the swollen breasts, and while I knew she wasn't lying this time, I could hope. She disappeared to my bathroom and I walked to sit on the edge of my bed and wait for her. I heard her pee and then she opened the door and waited in the doorframe looking at me, with an expression that hard to place. We waited in silence. After a couple of minutes she walked the test over to me. I felt nothing as I looked at it. I nodded and she went to throw it away.
"I want to help raise this child," I said, matter-of-factly. She nodded.
"We can share custody," She offered. I nodded again.
"Do you need money?" I asked.
"No. I am sure I will need help down the line for the bigger stuff but we can worry about that later." I nodded again. She came to sit next to me.
"I'm sorry. Really." She said.
"It's fine." I spoke. She nodded and got up to leave. I was alone.
Mandy
In some sense I had gotten everything I wanted: Jonah and Vanessa were irreparable, I was going to have a child, and Eddy and Vanessa had an expiration date as soon as the details of this twisted web were to come to light. Most of it was hollow though. Apart from the joy I was feeling at the prospect of this child, most of the other stuff was starting to feel petty.
Why did I care so much if Vanessa and Eddy dated? She wasn't really a bad person. I do think she genuinely made him happy, too. If she told him everything and he wanted to stay with her...I would try to help in any way that I could.
I texted Vanessa to see if she would meet me for coffee. I never knew pregnancy could leave such a desire for reparations. I got dressed slowly, trying on multiple items and imagining them with a distended belly. I smiled at this, finally settling on a form fitting top and shorts. I wanted to wear my slimmer items while I still could.
I met Vanessa at Cafe Ole at 2PM. She showed up looking stressed, but lovely. She grabbed an iced latte and I got an herbal tea. We sat in silence for a few seconds before I spoke up.
"I don't want us to hate each other. Truly. I know there was a lot between you and Jonah from before but he's the one who cheated on me. My issue was with him, not you. You owed me nothing-and I know you had..uhh, have perhaps, true feelings for him." Vanessa seemed to just absorb what I was saying.
"Also, I wasn't trying to use this pregnancy to trap him; he's free in any way he wishes. I do want some support in raising this child, but if you want to be together—"
"No," Vanessa interrupted. "I don't think that's necessary." She was wearing large sunglasses, and I got the sense there was more emotion hidden than she was letting out.
"That makes sense, I guess. Now, about Eddy..."I continued. Vanessa shifted in her seat at the sound of his name. "I introduced you, then I was mad you were together, and the whole thing was foolish. You make him happy, and I think you feel for him strongly as well. If you do, and if you tell him everything, and I do mean everything, and he wants to remain with you, I won't stand in your way. Hell, I will back you up. I haven't seen him this excited about a girl since, well, ever."
Vanessa seemed to digest this, "What are the odds that he would be okay with any of this? I mean...it's pretty ass backwards." She spoke. I nodded.
"I've known Eddy my whole life. He's kind, too kind, and understanding." I answered. Vanessa nodded back.
"So it's true then?" She asked, "You're pregnant." It was my turn to nod again.
"Congratulations? Is that even appropriate for me to say?" She tried.
I laughed, "Yeah, I think so. Thank you. I've wanted a child my whole life. I think we will all be okay." I said.
"Me too. I will talk to Eddy soon, promise." She said.
"Are your feelings for him genuine?" I asked. "I mean, do you want this?"
"I really do. He's...pretty amazing."
"I agree. Well, let's sort out this mess then."
Vanessa
It was surreal to have this conversation with Mandy, casually drinking at a cafe like nothing had even happened. As soon as Eddy told me the news I kind of broke down. I had wronged him, again, with a man who would break my heart for the last time. He realized something was wrong when he saw my face, but I hadn't told him anything that day. Instead, I told him I felt unwell and he left. To his credit, he never pushed things.
I did care for him. A lot. Sometimes the ghosts of the past leave a bigger impression than the actualities of the present. I didn't see why he would stick around, but I had to try.
I invited him to come over to dinner in two nights, and decided I would cook all of the three things I could cook. I pre-made chili the night before. The next morning I made mac and cheese and peach cobbler. I put on one of my most flattering dresses, a peachy one that hugged my waist and breasts and fanned out at the hips. It was one of my favorites and it felt like cheating. But I had to try everything. I brushed my hair out of my face for once, pinning it back. I applied eyeliner and a neutral and soft lip color. At least I could look good tonight, even if I was getting dumped.
He arrived right on time, at 7:30pm. I opened the door and saw a bouquet of white tulips. He smiled at me warmly and I hugged him immediately.
"Hey you, you had me worried there," He spoke. I winced in his arms and pulled away.
"Come in," I asked. I led him to the dining room, where an ornate display (well, ornate for me) was waiting for us. I had set out the one nice set of plates I had, crystal goblets, and candles. I brought out a bottle of wine and opened the bottle.
"It's the Cabernet we had on our first date," I told him, passing him the glass. He smiled at me and it was like melting. I poured one for myself and sat across from him.
"We need to talk tonight. It won't be a fun conversation, but it needs to happen if we have any chance of continuing. And I do want to continue, very much so, but it's all up to you." Eddy nodded and looked like he wanted to say something.
"No wait-please don't say anything yet. I've also cooked the three things I know how to cook today. I am not bribing you with these things, promise, but I want you to have a chance to eat before I bombard you." Eddy smiled.
"I was just going to say it smells amazing, and that you look especially beautiful tonight." He explained. I didn't deserve this man. I looked down and blushed.
"Oh umm, that would be the chili...and thank you. It actually might be done so let me go and grab it." I fetched the pot of chili once I made sure it had reheated, as well as the mac and cheese. I served us both before sitting back down. I nervously gulped the wine and we made small talk in the interim. I would miss this. I would miss him.
We finally ate and he sat back, hand on his wine glass. We were both low, so he grabbed the bottle and refilled the goblets.
"Thank you," I spoke.
"No problem. So, I believe a serious conversation is on the itinerary." He spoke, drinking deeply. I took a deep breath, and then another.
"Look, whatever it is, I am sure I can take it." He reached out to hold my hand. "Talk to me." His kindness kept making me feel worse. I took my third deep breath and launched into the story. He listened attentively, betraying no emotion throughout most of the tale. His temple seemed to throb when I told him about Jonah forcing himself on me, but he said nothing. I finally finished and looked down waiting for him to speak. He didn't for a while. Finally, he finished off his glass and set it down. He's leaving, I thought.
"Do you still have feelings for him?" He asked.
"No. Well, I am sure some part of me will always love him but I have no interest in ever being with him, or really seeing him, for that matter." I said.
"He's my sister's baby daddy. Odds are you would see him again if this continued." He explained. I nodded, still looking down.
"I know...it's all fucked." I said, voice breaking.
"Yes...that it is." He conceded.
"Did you date me to get back at my sister?" He asked.
"No, I didn't know she was your sister until we came back here that first night. Then you got a text from her." I answered.
"Was that before..?" He started, trailing off.
"Yes..." I whispered, "I would have either way. Please know that. I didn't see you to screw with her. I did want it to bother her though. I am sorry for that." Eddy stood up and looked at the floor.
"I need some time, Ness." The familiar nickname stung. I had held my hands together tightly. My fingers were pale white. Eddy knelt before where I sat and grabbed my hands, holding them up to his mouth. He kissed each hand and then looked at me. I could feel the tears welling up.
"Please understand. I need to process this. We never discussed not seeing anyone else, and I cannot fault you for that...but it's really fucking hard. I mean...I love you, Vanessa." I started to cry at this. He pulled me into him and held me as I cried. He sat with me for many minutes. This was the kind of guy Eddie was; I gave him shitty news and he ended up comforting me.
