Note: from the files of Cleo
*****
I would never have believed my life would turn out this way, but looking back now I can see it could not have been any other way. I married young while still in my third year of college, to a graduating law student. Steve was the kind of guy who would be a success at anything he tried; everybody liked him. Our problem had been that neither he nor I had any sexual experience to speak of when we married.
I'd fumbled around in the backseat of one of the high school jock's car a few times, even gave him a couple hand jobs, finally letting him pop my cherry one night after Homecoming. Sex hadn't been as much fun as everything I'd heard about it.
Anyway, I wasn't exactly a virgin when I got married, but I still didn't know very much about sex either. Steve was a virgin though, timid at spontaneity and uninventive to say the least. If our couplings produced any climaxes at all for me, they were extremely mild ones and Steve never really seemed too interested whether we had sex or not. In most cases I initiated it and he just went along. My new husband's job kept him busy and gone most of the time, and eventually we grew apart. We divorced after just three years.
My father was a big tough man whom I loved dearly, although I was very intimidated by him. I loved just being near him though, smelling his aroma, hearing his bellowing laugh, sometimes trembling at his disfavor. On rare occasions when I was allowed to hug him, I savored it for long afterward. When he passed away I cried for days. After he died I shied away from men like that, drifting toward the shy, quiet ones like Steve; safe uncomplicated men who didn't stretch my physic so much.
My shrink tried to explain it one day, calling it a common sexual fixation with one's father that is suppressed until later in adult life when it resurfaces to create complications for some women. Maybe. I don't know.
Anyway, after the divorce I grew bored and decided to enter the job market. I'd graduated with a degree in wildlife management because animals are simpler and much easier to get along with than people.
I left my resume at the State and two private companies, surprised when I was called by one of the private firms in just two days. I passed my interview with flying colors, hired on a six-month probationary status.
My immediate boss reminded me of my late father; big, loud and pushy, towering over me like a huge tree. Suddenly, some of the same feelings I'd had with my father returned; fear, fascination, an occasional fantasy. While I was fine, working around most of the other workers, my boss always left me feeling shaken and tongue-tied each time he spoke to me. Most of the time, it was just a growled order or derisive comment, and then ignoring anything I might have to say in return. His name was Carl, and he never had a kind word for anyone. He scared me to death from the first day.
During my second month on probation, Carl's secretary informed me I'd be going to a wildlife resort in Montana for my second phase of training. It would be a two week-long trip and the primary subject would be fish habitats and management. Carl would accompany me because he was to make an annual inspection of some sort for the resort. There would be three other people there as well, one of them a young female trainee like me. It sounded great, except for the fact that Carl would be there.
Apprehensive but excited I met Carl at the airport, watching silently as he bullied his way through the seating process. He was so big and imposing that I felt almost childlike beside him as I slouched down into my seat. I just sat quietly with down-cast eyes, praying he wouldn't want any casual conversation during our trip.
"You got a boyfriend?" he said gruffly, jarring me out of my stupor.
"Uh . . . no. I was married, but . . ."
"Divorced huh? A girl as pretty as you and no boyfriend? That's too bad."
"Well . . . I . . ." But he'd already turned back toward the window, completely ignoring me for the rest of our trip.
Carl rented a Jeep at the airport because the resort was a four-wheel drive trip, a full hour from any civilization. It consisted of a lodge with one large bedroom, kitchen, dining area and a spacious lounge with several leather couches, easy chairs and a pool table to relax. There were also four very comfortably furnished cabins. Carl took the large bedroom in the lodge and assigned one of the cabins to me. He gruffly told me to unloaded the jeep, and he stayed on his cell phone the whole time. As I finished I noticed him standing in the doorway, grinning.
"That was Jessie. The other trainee got food poisoning and they won't be joining us. They figured I could handle your training on my own. Guess it's just you and me, Kerrie. Get everything put away and I'll show you around." He turned and walked out, leaving me to manage everything on my own.
His last words produced a forbidden chill deep inside me. An entire week with this big bully! I couldn't do it. What was I going to do? I sleep walked through my chores, putting the supplies away as I fought down a growing apprehension. Okay, I decided. I'd just keep my mouth shut except when necessary, not provoke his wrath, and try to get through the next two weeks. We were fifteen miles from the nearest store and I probably couldn't find my way back anyhow.
The next day was spent becoming familiar with the resort and how to manage the boat's small outboard motor on the lake. Tired from the day's events, that evening I was expected to cook our dinner meal, and although I'm not a great cook, it turned out fine. Carl cracked a bottle of wine and we had that with our food.
He talked continuously and I simply nodded or smiled as required. He didn't seem to notice my silence, keeping my wine glass filled throughout the meal. Intimidated, I drank it. The wine's warm glow made me relax somewhat and become a little more talkative about my childhood, my father in particular, and to some extent, my failed marriage. He didn't have much to say during those periods, as though studying me as I spoke.
"You really are a beautiful woman, Kerrie. It's a shame you don't have anyone." He got up and came back with another bottle of wine, opening it.
"I . . . I don't think I should drink anymore, Carl. I'm . . . I have work tomorrow." I laughed weakly. "I won't be able to get out of bed in the morning."
He poured our glasses full, smiling down at me, making me shrink back inside my shell again, my heart hammering inside my chest. "Hey, we're celebrating our arrival. Got to relax so we can get a head-start in the morning. Go ahead, drink up."
