Note to readers: This is an edited and updated version of the original Reprogramming Farm. Sorry if you already read. There were some typos and inconsistencies in there that were making me crazy. Thanks for reading and...maybe don't proceed if you have a hard time with non-con sex. This treads into some dark territory, though it will have a happy ending.
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"WHAT IS THIS PLACE?" I stare through the car windows as a white farmhouse slides into view.
Jay doesn't answer.
He just keeps on driving past the house, down a bumpy gravel drive, past a barn with peeling paint and a pair of tractors sitting beside it, to a long stable. It too is white, with a low dark roof, and a series of stall doors.
He parks behind it.
The gray sky washes the color out of everything, turning the grassy hills a sullen gray green. It's not cold, but it isn't hot either, and as I step out of the car, I tug my baggy sweater closer around my body.
"I don't like this, Jay. Why don't we just go home and talk."
"You agreed to come here, Tara. This is for our marriage."
I swallow, twisting the sleeve of my sweater with my thumb. All morning I've been jittery, on edge, uncomfortable in my skin, in my clothes. Hot but cold at the same time. Fevered. "But what is it?"
He drops his arm around my shoulders, his brown eyes warm, but his jaw stays firm. "A way to save our marriage."
"Our marriage isn't all bad," I say, knowing it's a lie.
"It's bad. You know it. You're always angry, always anxious. You hate sex. You hate me."
"I don't hate you." It kills me that he thinks that.
And it's not true. I just hate that he never takes the garbage out on his own, and that he's always trying to have sex with me or get me to give him blowjobs. I hate that he's always working late or expecting me to cook. I hate the naggy, needy, cranky person I've become. "If you just took out the trash or put your shoes away on your own, I wouldn't have to nag."
He rolls his eyes. "You agreed to therapy. It's this or divorce. I need a wife who's happy."
I try to form the words 'I am happy' but I can't do it. He's right. I'm not happy. I'm anxious all the time. I'm angry all the time.
I glance back at the stable. Some of the stall doors are open, but I can't see inside. It's too dark. "This doesn't look like a therapists office."
"It's holistic. I don't know. They do things differently," he says, wrapping his big hand around mine, and tugging me toward the broad doorway into the stables. "They're going to completely reprogram how we interact with one another. We're here for two weeks."
"Two weeks?" I dig in my feet, clutching at his arm. "I didn't pack anything. Who's going to water the plants, or take the mail?"
"I took care of all that. It's part of how it works here. We arrive with nothing but the clothes on our backs. They give us everything we need."
I open my mouth, I want to argue, I want to say no and run away, but I can tell my the look on his face that this is the end. It's this or divorce. "You should have told me."
"Trust me." His hazel eyes go wide and imploring. "You'll be happy when we leave. And if you're happy, I'll be happy. Everything is going to work out. You just have to listen to the therapists here."
I don't say anything, staring back and forth from the car to the stables, wanting desperately to just go home. But he's right.
My shoulders sag, I squeeze his hand. "Okay, I trust you."
I'M NOT SURE WHAT I EXPECTED but maybe something that looked a bit more like a therapist's office. A sofa, box of tissues, coffee table and a few chairs. But inside, this place is just a raw wood stable with few lights, a dusty floor, and a line of stalls stretching in either direction.
There's a man in one of the stalls nearby. I'm not sure what he's doing. The half door is closed, so I can only see him from the waist up. He's got on a flannel shirt, cuffed at the wrists, a long, bristly beard and a big bald head. He turns when he sees us, the strangest look on his face and tips up his chin. "You Jay?"
"Yes."
"MIKEY!" the man bellows, and then returns his gaze to the floor in front of him, his head dropping back and his brows drawing together like he's in pain.
Somewhere, someone grunts. I hear heavy breathing, gagging, rustling motions.