Alternative Ending - Part Nine -
It is five years after I became the 150th slave. Now in my late 30s my circumstances have changed a great deal over time. Much of what has happened has been fun and good. Much is pretty grim.
ON BEING A BOLRIAN SEX SLAVE
I will admit that I may have focused on too much on myself before I became a slave. Some readers may feel I suffered a terrible fate and others that I got off easy. Addressing the former first, no, my fate is not terrible. Svetlana and others are quick to point out that my sufferings are not comparable to those of many others or maybe even to those of an ordinary woman living in poverty in much of the world.
I played and lost. The result was loss of freedom, pain, and humiliation. But something in my head craved pain, humiliation and submission within certain limits. The BLC has taken me past those limits but has been very careful not to cause me to suffer so much that I cannot handle it. It allows me fun, intellectual stimulation, luxury and comfort to prevent despair and long term depression. I'm happier than I was most of the time before I became a sex slave. For that matter, I have not even left the lawfirm and only about 15 percent of the firm's partners and 5 % of the staff know that I've been available to have hot wax dripped on my breasts, electro-shocks administered to my pussy and triple penetration.
I have to have a lot of sex with people with whom I would not have chosen to go to bed if invited to do so at a Manhattan pick up bar. My choices in the bars, though, were not always so great. A lot of the sex I have had as a slave has been super. I have gotten good at pleasing myself while pleasing others. Practice makes perfect.
A number of the slaves admit that they are probably better off where they are. Crystal has said that despite how it may have looked, she did not set out to become a sex slave. "I wanted to flirt with danger forever without falling. I knew what losing would look like. Obviously some part of me thought it was ok, even though I realized that it might lead me to giving pleasure to a lot of jerks. Most of the sex work gives me pleasure. I am tired of apologizing to the world and myself for being the way I am. Becoming a sex slave is healthier than many things I did in Texas and Mexico."
It gripes me sometimes that Ferguson, Walker and Anderson seem to have gotten what they wanted despite being such bastards and they got what they wanted at our expense. Crystal tells me to grow up. "Life isn't Hollywood or Bollywood. The bad guys often win. And, anyway, except for Walker who just wants to abuse and fuck, they did not get what they wanted. Ferguson and Anderson wanted beautiful, smart women who would worship them. What they got is beautiful, smart, women that they can rent for a great night for a handsome fee."
To those who think I got off easy, I would ask you to imagine having your lovers scheduled by a corporation seeking to maximize profits. I still cannot get over looking at my brand in the mirror and knowing that I don't belong to me.
It may sound funny but one of the restrictions I hate the worst is that I constantly have to keep up my health and beauty. The exercise is not so bad but at the resort I am given exactly the right number of calories to eat. I am required to clean my plate. I can't have seconds, ever. I'd so like to get smashed sometime or do a few lines of coke. Nothing like that is allowed to the slaves at the Resort. A little wine is allowed for celebrations or to have with a visitor, but that's it.
Even when away, I am required to watch my diet and to resist efforts by customers to get me drunk or high. I won't say that those rules are followed 100%, but customers are told that causing a slave to eat or drink too much or take any drug is a form of damaging the property that the BLC will not tolerate. The frequent medical tests and interviews after every trip assure that I am going to stay fit as a fiddle, firm and soft in just the right amounts whether I want to or not.
The pain slave aspect has been very hard on many days. In addition to people who want to take pleasure in hurting me, the BLC has taken contracts for us to serve as artwork or extras in plays or movies. I had to lie naked in a very uncomfortable and exposed position on stage as a "dead" body for 20 minutes after being raped and murdered in one theatrical production. Two actors engaged in a dialog over fate and death while waiting for the police to arrive to photograph and remove the body. Extending the sick fun further, I was used for sex acts at the cast party with instructions to act as dead as possible. In the end, I was told to come back to life so I could perform fellatio on a few actors.
In a fancy art studio in Milan, I was placed face up on a large, heavy piece of glass. Another piece of clear glass was lowered down onto me suspended from the ceiling so that it just barely pressed my breasts. There was a hole in the upper plate of glass for my head and a carnation was stuck between my teeth as a table decoration. People had dinner on the glass plate above me for a half hour or so. Although there was no weight on me, it was horrible barely being able to move so long. It helped only a little bit that Sofia was one of the guests, there mainly to make sure that the equipment suspending the glass was secure.
This dinner was for an avant-garde movie symbolically showing the bourgeois oppressing the people. The director did not see or did not care that the filming of the movie was oppressing me. Maybe he knew my past and thought I deserved it. Maybe I did deserve it in some sense but I think it went too far. But again, my opinion on how I should be treated has never counted for much unless Sofia or someone else in BLC management decides their property is at risk of injury.