Janna and Gary were both 20 years old. They met 6 months ago in English class, and they were meant to be. A perfect match.
Janna was adorably pretty. Big blue eyes. A petite nose. A small sensual mouth, often formed into a sweet and gentle smile for anyone around her. Pristine, clear pale skin. Straight light-brown hair, down to her mid-back. 5 foot 1 with a skinny frame and small breasts. She had unusually small feet, a size 5. Not an athlete but in good shape, doing yoga and gym and running regularly. She was very modest and soft-spoken, and liked to wear traditional conservative clothes, pretty but never revealing. She still lived with her parents in the suburbs. She was religious and always wore a little silver necklace with a crucifix. She also had played the flute since her early childhood, and she had delicate small hands and slender fingers with the short nails of a musician. She rarely wore any makeup, but she didn't need it because of her natural beauty. She was an average but earnest student, taking arts in university, and after school she volunteered regularly at a nursing home, where she would talk to the residents, play games, and sometimes help the orderlies with some of the physical duties such as assisting residents to get from their bed to the bathroom. She was thinking of a career either as a practical nurse, a preschool teacher, or maybe a member of the pastoral team at church.
Gary was an extraordinarily intelligent young man, a truly gifted student, always top of his class in a wide range of subjects, including English but also the sciences. He was destined to go far as a scholar or a professional. He loved music too, and had played the piano all his life. He loved to play duets--Gary on the piano, Janna on the flute--and they would sometimes perform together for the nursing home residents, which everyone loved. But Gary was not very good-looking--he was an "ectomorph," average height with a thin frame and very little muscle. He had moderate acne, which he was quite self-conscious about. Yet he was kind and gentle, with warm brown eyes and a sweet smile that went well with Janna's. He was so grateful to have met Janna, and their friendship had steadily grown over the past 6 months.
Neither Janna nor Gary had ever dated anyone before. For Janna, it was because of her very conservative upbringing and her modest lifestyle. For Gary, it was because of his shyness, his lack of confidence, and of course because he was lacking in the looks department.
Both Janna and Gary had never spoken directly about dating, but both of them knew without having to say a word about it, that they were heading towards a relationship. Their hearts would flutter or pound whenever they held eye contact for more than a few seconds; then they would both have a shy smile or a blush and look away--the warm feelings felt overwhelming.
Gary's birthday was coming up, on April 17. Janna made a big decision: on April 17 she would ask Gary to be her boyfriend, as a gift to him on his 21st birthday. She discussed her plan with the church youth group, and everyone was excited for her--they knew and loved Gary, and were quietly waiting for this news for months already. It would be a surprise party. Gary's parents would be in on the plan as well.
There was one big problem, and Janna decided she would try to solve this one as well as part of the birthday plan: it was about Mike Reeve. Mike had a locker next to Gary's. He had known Gary from years ago in high school as well. Mike had been on the football team in high school, but at this point he mainly just did heavy weight lifting in the gym. He had a huge frame, about 6 foot 4. He was about 220 pounds in high school, powerfully built but slim. These days he was up to about 270, and had quite a beer belly despite his muscle development. He always smelled of sweat, with his locker stinking of dirty laundry. He had a loud, dominant personality, and had two rough friends who were like his minions. He had no interest or skill in school, and was only there because he initially had an athletic scholarship and didn't have anything else to do with his time. There were rumours that he and his buddies were making money on the side selling drugs. Nobody knew if Mike ever had girlfriends or a relationship life--his personal matters seemed to be a big secret outside of his circle.
Mike was rude and loved to mock Gary every time they saw each other. Sometimes he would come up from behind and give Gary a little push, sending him and his books flying. He would spit on Gary's locker handle. On several occasions he punched Gary's locker door so hard that there was a pattern of deep intendations resembling Mike's knuckles. Antics that you might expect from a high school bully, really surprising and irritating to see this in a 20 year-old man, and at a university no less. Sometimes Mike and his two minions would follow Gary after school, if they were leaving late at night, and just stare at him, corner him, or call him names as they sat on the bus. Gary was getting scared, and was starting to dread going to school or heading to his locker area. This had been going on, and gradually getting worse, for the past 6 months, the same length of time that Gary and Janna had been getting to know each other.
Gary had no idea what to do about this. He didn't want to talk about it at all, it was just too upsetting for him. But Janna knew. On several occasions she discussed this very serious problem with her church group, trying to brainstorm what to do about it. They agreed that Janna should resist her urge to feel angry or enraged at Mike, but rather should follow a more Christly path towards compassionate resolution... clear boundaries but grounded in forgiveness, understanding, and warmth. The idea Janna decided on in the end was to reach out to Mike to try to figure out a solution.
Janna texted Mike a few times, just introducing herself and explaining the situation. Mike was surprisingly polite and seemed really open to working things out. After a few weeks of text exchanges, Mike made a big announcement to Janna's immense relief: "Janna, I've decided to stop bothering Gary... you're right, I've been a bully, and it's time for me to change and do something better with my life. I'm sorry that I've caused so much hurt for you and Gary... I think the reason I've been such a bully is all the bad stuff I've lived through over the years at home... I know it's not an excuse but maybe an explanation...anyway, I'm ready for change... I've heard you're planning a birthday thing for Gary... how about if we give Gary another birthday present...on that day we can formally become friends...and I'd like to prepare a formal apology for Gary..."
Janna is a pretty good judge of character. So of course she had some doubts about whether she could trust Mike. But she discussed the situation with her church group. And the texts themselves were really sincere. A real language of apology with clear plans to make a change and make amends. After one church meeting, Janna was taking her turn cleaning up the coffee and snack supplies in the kitchen. She was alone, next to the sink, the others shuffling towards to the exit. A newcomer named Sandy approached...."hey Janna... can we talk for a minute?"
Janna: "Sure Sandy...what is it?"
Sandy: "Well... can we keep this very, very confidential?"
Janna: "Of course...confidentiality is so important..."
Sandy: "Well...it's about Mike... I've been a friend of his ever since we were toddlers..."
Janna: "Oh, that's interesting Sandy... I always wondered who Mike's friends were... "
Sandy: "I love Mike--as a friend. I could trust him with anything. He can be a bully but it's because of what's happened to him in the past..."
Janna: "I thought maybe he'd been through stuff... but my goodness...what happened?"
Sandy: "Well, it's a long story. He lost his mom when he was 12. And his dad was mean and strict and never there for him... and then... this is the big one..."
Janna: "oh... that's so sad... but there's something even bigger?"
Sandy: "it's about his physical health...it's very, very private...I'm not sure if I should even talk about it, but I think it's important that you know so you can understand."
Janna: "well, you can trust me...I've volunteered in health care and on the pastoral team for a few years now... and I feel pretty comfortable holding some very private things that people have told me...it's a sacred trust."
Sandy: "ok -- I'll just come right out and say it. Mike has an--an intimate problem. He can't have children. He can't have a -- a physical relationship with a woman -- because there's a problem with blood flow and hormone balance or something like that. He's impotent. Treatments like Viagra don't work either, because of the type of problem he has. He's intertile. He's ... he's asexual, but not by choice. He had to see specialists for this and they say there's nothing that can be done. Apparently it would be a rare miracle if he could ever even get aroused--anyway most people with this can never have a sexual relationship, and they can never have children. You might be surprised but Mike is really good with kids, and he always wanted kids himself--a wife and a big family...so when he got this diagnosis, confirmed over and over after quite a few second opinions, it's made him sad and angry... makes him lash out... he's embarrassed and ashamed about his body, despite being so big and strong...I think that's the biggest reason he's such a bully...anyway if you ever feel uncomfortable around him as a woman, you should know that background... not only would he never harm anyone, it's actually physically impossible for anything intimate to happen."
Janna was moved almost to tears. She had no idea.
Sandra texted Mike on her way home from church: "hey Mike...it's unbelievable, these church prudes...she bought the whole thing, she was almost crying for you by the end!"
Mike in fact had no sexual problem, other than a very, very high libido that he found very challenging to control.
Sandra's words guided Janna's response to Mike by text: "Mike, thank you so much for your thoughtfulness and sincerity. It takes a real strength of character to apologize and make amends. I'd like you to come to Gary's surprise birthday party... oh, and I just thought of this....Gary has friends who are studying abroad, and we're putting together a video with everyone giving him a birthday greeting... I already have most of the videos... and as part of the surprise we're going to have everyone on the video encourage him to ask me to be his girlfriend!... maybe you can come a few minutes early and you can record your apology and your offer of peace and friendship... he'll be so surprised!".
... A few minutes later, Mike texted back: "Hey, thanks Janna... I'm honoured that you're willing to include me in Gary's special day... I look forward to being a great friend to you both... just let me know when I should show up."
Janna responded back, "thanks so much Mike... why don't you come at 10 pm on the 16th... Gary's birthday technically starts on the 17th--his mom tells me he was actually born just after midnight! --- so we're going to have a midnight countdown just like on New Years... the only request I have is that you bring some formal clothes... I don't usually do anything really fancy or dress up but this is a really special occasion... "
Mike: "that sounds great Janna. I work out late on Saturdays, but I can pick up a tux on the way over and maybe I can change over at Gary's place.".
Janna: "sure Mike.... thanks again. See you there. God bless you."
Janna and Mike both had a pleasant feeling about this plan... a mixture of relief, warmth, gratitude, and other ideas for how it all might play out... Janna also felt a surge of sympathy and understanding for Mike, which made her question or feel a little guilty about how or why she would ever judge anyone harshly before understanding the whole story of why people are the way they are.
Mike arrived at Gary's house at 10:00 PM as planned. Janna met Mike outside--she hadn't yet gone inside. Gary and his parents were already inside watching a movie together in the living room. Gary had no idea that a big midnight surprise party was coming up for him in just 2 hours. He thought maybe Janna or his friends might do something for him the next day. The plan was for everyone to sneak in the side door...and then to hide either in the basement or on the second floor, then surprise Gary with a midnight countdown to bring in his birthday. At midnight Janna planned to hug Gary, kiss him--the first kiss for either of them--and to ask him to be her boyfriend.
