Janet and I had been married for 10 years. Unfortunately, our relationship had become very contentious. She wanted more and more without helping to earn the money. She Is great at spending money but not earning it. As a result, I became indebted for things she wanted. This included a second house in Ohio that was in fact a money pit. After many discussions she maintained it was my responsibility to earn the money and that we should decide how to spend it. This one-sided relationship continued and over time her demands exceeded both my patience and ability to earn the money she demanded.
One November evening the financial pressure on me and her unwillingness to help share the financial responsibilities boiled over. After being told how selfish and mean spirited I was for not giving her more money, we had an argument that lasted for over two hours. At the end of that time Janet, packed a suitcase and left our house. She was going to Ohio. I was left with the bills and the responsibility of making things right with our creditors.
About an hour after she left, I decided to go out and have a beer. "What the hell. There is no reason to sit around the house." I am not much of a bar person but tonight it seemed the right thing to do. I started driving and ended-up at a bar called The Pro Shop in Clearwater. For reasons not clear, I stopped there and decided I needed a beer.
Entering the place, I took a seat at the end of the bar and ordered a beer. This was a very nice place and had a friendly atmosphere. The bartender was especially nice and spent a few minutes chatting with me. During that time, I mentioned that my wife had left and I was just trying to relax after a tense couple of weeks.
Brent, the bartender smiled, "I understand. You won't be the first guy who came in here after a dust-up with a woman. It happens all too often. Sit back and relax, there's no pressure here."
The friendly atmosphere and small crowd made it a very comfortable place to be. About 15 minutes after I arrived a tall, man in is late 40's or early 50's sat down at the bar a few seats away from me. He smiled at me after ordering his drink. As we both sat staring into the bar, the man introduced himself.
"Hi, my name is Sean. I live here in Clearwater."
Without hesitation I responded, "Hi, my name is Jim. I live in Tampa but took a drive tonight and ended up here. Never been here before."
Sean replied, "Welcome to the Pro Shop. While I am not what you would call a regular, this is one of my favorite bars. What brings you to Clearwater?"
I started, "This is probably a story that has been told many times here, but my wife and I are having a rough time. In fact, she packed her bag and left for Ohio. I decided just to get out of the house and drive. I actually found this place because I was tired of driving and wanted to take a break."
Over-hearing the conversation Brent said, "Yes, you aren't the first man to come in here because a woman had driven him to find some peace."
Both Sean and I laughed. I said, "I suspect you have heard many a story." The smile on his face said it all.
As Sean and I chatted, he moved to the seat next to mine. We continued to talk about sports, his work as a clinical psychologist, and our family backgrounds. This went on for almost an hour. During that time Sean got closer to me and several times touched my shoulder. I didn't think anything about that. It didn't seem out of place. As I shared my frustrations about my relationship with Janet, he seemed to understand and provided some encouragement that everything would work out.
At one point he put his hand on my thigh. It seemed to be assuring to me. I didn't object. It gave me a sense of calm and reassurance.
Sean finally said, "This bar stool is not very comfortable. There's a table over in the corner, why don't we move over there. It will make our conversation more private and easier on our rear ends."
I agreed and we moved to the table. It was relatively dark in that corner so there was a sense of privacy as we talked. As the conversation continued, I had an increasing sense of peace and confidence with Sean that seemed strange since we had only met and hour or so before.
Sean again put his hand on my thigh as we talked, I did not back away or try to remove it. The conversation became more personal.
Sean asked, "How is the relationship between you and your wife?"
I shared, "We have had a rough time and in fact tonight she argued and wanted out of our marriage. Packing her bags, she drove off to Ohio. I think this is the end of our 10 years together."
Sean replied, "I am sorry to hear that. It must be a very sad day for you."
"Yes and no." I replied. "The past couple of years have been very rough and we only fought about anything and everything. Not what I wanted in a marriage."
With a sympathetic voice Sean said, "I can see that it was rough on you." At that same time he started to stroke my leg. I started to feel a tingle of excitement.
He continued, "It must have made your sex life difficult."
With a half-smile I responded, "I haven't had sex in at least 3 years. My wife kept complaining about my ability in the bedroom and my small cock. She said if I were a real man, I would have a big cock. She claimed the last time we had sex, it was the worst she had ever had."
Sean replied, "That must have hurt you. So, what did you do?"
"I just remained frustrated and looked at porn." I hesitated for a moment then said, "Masturbation became my release. Not very satisfying but it was something."
At that point I realized I had shared something very personal with a person I barely knew. That was embarrassing and what did Sean think of me?
"What type of porn do you enjoy?"
Embarrassed I hesitated to say anything. After an awkward minute of silence, I gave a nondescript answer, "Oh the usual stuff."
Sean not satisfied with that answer gently continued. "One of my favorite movies is the 'Story of O' have you seen that movie?"
This gave me a sense that it would be ok to talk about that movie since it had been a commercial success, a number of years ago. "Yes, it is a classic. I found that it was both exciting and could create fantasies."
Nodding Sean continued, "Yes, it is a classic and captures the fantasies of both men and women. 'Fifty Shades of Grey' is another one that can stimulate our imagination. Have you seen that one?"
"No, my wife would have killed me. She thinks any movie like that must be evil and promotes unnatural sex."
"That is too bad. It also is an honest portrayal of human sexual desires of both the person dominating and the person being dominated. Have you ever had a desire to dominant or be dominated in a sexual way?"
This got personal so I did not reply but simply stared into the room.
Sean said, "You know most people have these desires. Some want to be dominant and others would prefer the freedom of being dominated. Have you ever thought about either of these possibilities?"
At this moment my cock became erect and noticeably so. I tried to hide the reaction but Sean was a professional and saw my excitement.
"Jim, your 'truth detector' is telling me that you have thought about this and in fact a fair amount of time. Which to you want to be the dominant or the dominated? In other words when you watch porn to you wish you were the Master or the sub?"
I still did not want to say anything but there was a growing urge to tell him I liked the role of sub when I watched porn.
"Don't be embarrassed to share those feelings with me. I am a professional and must keep any information a client shares with me secret. In fact, if you buy me a beer, that will serve as payment and make you my client. Do you like that idea?"
I slightly nodded my head yes. That was all it took.
Sean motioned to Brent at the bar for two more beers. When he brought them to us, Sean said, "Jim, is buying me a beer and I agreed to be his psychologist." With a wink Brent put the new beers in front of us and removed the old ones.
"Now that you are my client you can tell me everything and I can't legally share that information with anyone. Tell me do you identify as a Master or sub?"
"Sean, I don't really know but I seem to relate to the person being dominated in the porn I watch."
"Tell a bit more about that. When did you first notice you related to subs?"
It seemed like a flood gate had been opened and I started to tell him things no one had ever been told about my inner feelings.
"My fantasies have always involved being forced to submit to a dominant person. They usually involve an older woman who forces me to strip and masturbate for her because she caught me looking at pictures of her naked daughter. In recent years it has been being forced by either a man or woman to do whatever they demanded of me. Each time I become excited and then masturbate."
Sean said, "These are not unnatural fantasies. Sometime an single event in our past, usually during childhood, sets the tone for all our adult fantasies. Can you think of anything that might have triggered this interest? Buy the way these are normal fantasies."
I could only shake my head no.
Sean said, "Perhaps some repressed abuse at the hands of a relative or stranger. Or maybe you saw something that made you think obeying others was the right thing to do."
"Sean took on the role of a professional and said, "Perhaps you have repressed memory about something that happened in your past. Can you think of anything that you want to forget but it keeps coming to you in a fantasy?"
"No, I do not" After a moment Jim said, "There was a time in college when I was in a local bar. One of my instructors happened to be there. After a couple of beers I became dizzy and wanted to leave for home. He insisted that I was in no condition to drive. He insisted I go to his apartment which was close to the bar. While I am not certain what happened that night, in the morning I was laying naked in a bed with an girl I had never met. She and I had been used for sex by some of the instructor's friends. It was a terrible feeling to be helpless as others used me for their pleasure.. I haven't thought about that forever."
Sean said, "I can only guess but I suspect you were masturbated and fucked. That night excited and made you feel good but also may have created a great sense of guilt because you could not resist and enjoyed being helpless and used sexually. At that point your natural defense was to bury the entire evening in the far reaches of your mind."
"Is that the reason why I have fantasized about being the person submitting to another?" At this point all of my reluctance to talk had disappeared.
