Consider the two men. Great barbarian warriors. Um, well, maybe not warriors, but definitely men capable of fighting, if they had to. A knife in the back is a splendid way to avoid a messy fight. Maybe I should be calling them heroes? Then again, maybe not. They were brave enough, but not in that selfless way that epitomises the true hero.
How about we settle for mercenaries, but mercenaries with principles, such as they were. Their first principle was that they had to believe in the cause they were fighting for (if they had to fight). Actually, now I think about it, that was their second principle. The first principle was "are we getting paid for this?"
They were big men, both tall with a lot of muscle. One man was pale with vivid red hair, known to one and all as Red Fire or simply Red. This was in honour of the colour of his hair and the fact that he wouldn't admit to any other name. The other man was quite a striking contrast being black of skin. His name was Blake Ashertongowtre, more commonly known as Black Ash.
They were on a quest. A young lady, a princess, no less, had been abducted and was being held for ransom, a ransom greater than the kingdom dared pay. Our valiant heroes had been requested to assist in the rescue of the princess. Seeing the request was accompanied by a promise of much gold the lads had agreed.
The journey to the place where the princess was being held was nothing out of the ordinary. For them. The odd gangs of rogues lying in wait to kill them, magical traps to be avoided, an occasional monster. Just the normal day to day routine of a barbarian mercenary.
"Fucking towers," grumbled Red, looking up. "Why do they always stick them at the top of fucking towers? I hate climbing stairs."
"Then you may consider yourself lucky," observed Black who had just circled the tower, looking for the entrance. "There's no way in down here."
"That's lovely that is. And just how are we supposed to reach the princess."
"Quite simple. We just follow the instructions."
"Instructions?"
"It would seem the sorcerer has anticipated our arrival," said Black, handing Red a notice. "I found this fastened to the tower."
"Right," said Red. "Let me see."
Reading the notice he was informed of the following:
- The tower had been magically sealed and the interior staircases removed.
- Food and water was delivered to the princess magically.
- If the ransom was paid the princess would be released from the tower, also by magical means.
- If a rescue was being attempted the rescuers were welcome to climb the outside of the tower to the princess's room, which was on the very top of the tower.
- There was one last magical trap that would be invoked when they entered the Princess's room.
- Good luck, because you'll need it.
"Frigging smart-arsed sorcerer. I bet he reckons we won't be able to climb the bloody tower."
"Ah, Red, I wouldn't be placing my money on it, either," grumbled Black.
"What, you're going to let a little thing like vertigo stop you climbing?"
"That's exactly what I mean."
"Good thing that one of us has to be down here when I'm ready to let the princess down. I'll go up, kill the magic trap before I enter the room, and toss the princess down to you."
"Or lower her on the rope you'll be taking with you."
"Yeah, or that."
Red took his time surveying the tower, planning his route to the top. It wasn't too bad in his considered opinion and there was a nice ledge he could sit on once he reached the window. Assuming it wasn't rigged to collapse under him. With a muttered oath he started his climb.
About a quarter of the way to the top Red found another little notice. He read it without removing it. 'Congratulations. A quarter of the way there. Don't forget the magical trap inside the princess's room.'
He continued on his way, muttering what he was going to do to a certain loud-mouthed sorcerer if he ever found him.
Halfway and another note with another reminder of the trap waiting for him. More curses were rained down upon the unknown sorcerer as Red moved steadily higher.
Just below the princess's window was a final note.
'Well done. Unfortunately, I lied about the magical trap in the princess's room. While the trap is in the room the trigger is this note. You have just activated the trap so you'd better hurry up.'
Red didn't waste any time with more cursing, almost vaulting into the room to find what the trap was doing.
The room was reasonable spacious with a bed, a table and a comfortable chair. A small section was behind a screen, presumably the toilet facilities. Standing in the middle of the room was the princess, looking around her with a slight air of desperation. Red, being fairly astute, correctly reasoned that the reason for her distraught appearance was the fact that her clothes were falling apart. What had been a full length gown with a modest cleavage was now just some scanty rags, and these were rapidly falling apart. A glance at the bed showed that the bed covers were faring no better, all of them turning to dust as he watched.
Red was quite willing to admit that from what he could see, and he could see a lot, that the princess was really quite lovely. Hair as black as a raven's feathers, skin a pale cream (apart from a couple of pink tips peeping through the fast vanishing rags). Long shapely legs and rounded hips, a slender waist and quite lovely breasts, made even more lovely by the last traces of the rags dropping away.
"Um, I'm here to rescue you," Red said, his eyes examining the princess carefully, purely to determine if she was injured in any way.
"You can start by giving me something to wear," she snapped.
Red sighed and was about to take off his shirt and offer it to her when a voice spoke up.
"Any material that touches the princess will be immediately destroyed. If the princess is removed from this room before certain conditions have been met then the tower will be destroyed, killing the princess. If the valiant hero who has entered the room attempts to leave before certain conditions are met then the tower gets it, etcetera, etcetera.
The clock starts now. You have one hour to meet the conditions and evacuate the princess."
Red and the princess looked at each other.
"Um, what are the conditions?" asked the princess.
"I'm glad you asked that question," said the voice. "There's really only one condition. You, my brave rescuer, must fuck the princess. Once done you can depart quite safely. Don't do it and you will be destroyed. Have fun."
The princess stood proudly, head erect, posture defiant.
"I'd rather die," she announced.
Red gave her an admiring look, observing the proud stance and the way she held her head high. He also observed her lovely breasts, the curve of hip and leg, the little black tuft at the juncture of her legs.
He sighed. "Unfortunately, I'd rather not," he told her.
"What do you mean?" she asked, looking puzzled.
For answer he just grabbed her wrist and towed her towards the bed, happy that the mattress hadn't disintegrated in the magical curse. He pushed the princess onto the bed, standing in front of her to stop her scrambling off while he dropped his trousers.