Getting off the phone with Mom I threw it angrily at the wall. I bounced and broke against the hard surface, three pieces flying off. I was so furious at what my mother had done, betrayed by the person closest to me. I cannot believe what my Mom's doing to me, she has asked him to move in. The bastard will be living at home,
my
home.
My Mom had recently started going with this guy she had met, a hulk of a man called Sam. I forget where she met him, I think it was one of her now frequent trips drinking with her friends. She never used to go out as much as she does now, but I remember when I questioned her about it; "Colleen, you are my love, my life. But you are gone now. I have to move one and enjoy myself. Enjoy the freedom." That was her word, 'freedom', as if she was trapped when I was living at home.
And now she was going to be trapped by having a guy live with her. She said he was good company, said he was incredibly sexy. It seemed too soon, she had only just started dating him. But after Josie had calmed my down and I had got off the phone I thought about it and suddenly wondered where the time had gone. I had been at college for almost two years, and she had been dating him for over a year. It was a bizarre role reversal, since I had left home she had got a love life and a social life and I had lost both of mine. Ever since coming to college, rather than going wild like most girls did I had retreated into my shell. I suppose it was because when I was at home Mom had given me so much freedom, unlike other girls I had nothing to rebel against. My college life consisted of studying and occasional trips to the cinema with friends.
It is not as if I had not had the attention, I had, just not from anyone who interested me. It was quite lame really, me considering boys a hassle rather than something fun. But it all seemed so laboured, uninteresting and unremarkable. No one I had met had given me anything new and exciting, all the boys that were interested in me were quite pathetic and immature. And none of the
really
hot guys paid much attention to me. Some checked me out, I prided myself in my pretty looks and slim figure. But none took it beyond that pathetic gawp that boys have. I was not that bothered, there was plenty of time for guys later on. In the meantime I was more than happy to enjoy myself with my friends.
Every so often we would have a gossip about one of the girls' latest experience but they told me nothing that I had not heard before. They were all young and inexperienced, I had done all that fooling around when I was younger, no dad to keep me in check, Mom let me go wild. It was good because it gave me a release, but now I was too bored to carry on with that childish fumbling and quick sex. If I was to submit to anyone it would be with a man not a boy.
Mom and me had been on our own for over fifteen years. I have vague recollections of my dad, Mom said he left her and me for some girl he worked with. She had to struggle with a child on her own for so many years. He never bothered with Mom and he never bothered with me. I used to get the occasional birthday card with a bunch of notes as a so called present, but eventually even that stopped. I could not care less, the money meant nothing to me, him even less. That is why I was so pleased when she met Sam, finally she had found someone who she could enjoy her life with, someone who would look after her properly, like she deserved to. Every time I phoned her she would always be talking about him, chatting excitedly like a little school girl in love with her first boyfriend. Once or twice she shocked me by trying to talk about her sex life. It was great that we were so close, but hearing about your mother's sex life? Gross!
I was so pleased for her, so glad that she had found someone who made her so happy. So pleased until I met him.
I went home this Christmas and that was the first time I had met him. Previously, when I had come home, I think because Mom felt embarrassed, she ensured that we did not meet. If he came round it would be whilst I was out or if she was meeting him she would ensure it would be at his place or at whatever venue they were going to – she never let him come near home if I was there.
Christmas time was different though, and I finally got to meet him. New Year's Eve I was going to go to stay the night at Josie's, the same gang of us always celebrated New Year's Eve at her place. Mom was being treated to a night in a fancy hotel and he came to our place just after lunch.
As I waited for him to arrive I surprised myself in how tense I was at the thought of meeting him, my Mom's boyfriend, the guy who she was so obviously wrapped up in. I sat in the front room fidgeting, unable to keep still, whilst Mom got ready upstairs. As he finally arrived and strode up the drive the curiosity got the better of me and I had a quick peek out the window, I briefly saw that he was in his early forties, seemed to be around six foot and although slim, he had very broad shoulders. It was obvious that even at his age that his body was very well defined. As Mom let him in I tried to sit on the sofa nonchalantly, but could not help fiddle nervously, I wanted to make a good impression for Mom.
As he followed Mom and her beaming face I got a closer look at him. It was quite easy to see why Mom had fallen for him. Even in his forties he was still very good looking, a slight pang of jealousy flared up within me and I wondered if he had a good looking son.
Mom grinned at me, "Colleen, this is Sam. Sam, this is Colleen."
He held out a large hand warmly in front of me and smiled broadly, "At last, I've heard so much about you. Joanna kept saying that we should meet, but she always contrived against it, I honestly thought she was making you up!"
I smiled back, and got my first proper chance to check him out. He wore a tight dark t-shirt with a simple pair of jeans and leather jacket. The t-shirt showed off his obvious muscle, and I wondered briefly how could he stay in such great shape? His dark hair, greying a little, was trimmed very short. His day old stubble gave him a rugged look, but what made him really stand out though were his piercing eyes. His intense stare seemed to bore straight through me and his powerful eyes never left mine. A shiver of discomfort swept through me and as his gaze became too intensive and I averted my eyes.
I tried to pull my hand away from his unyielding, masculine grip, but he held onto it for a fraction longer than was comfortable, before eventually relenting. I brushed a strand of hair from my face, suddenly very self-conscious.
Mom, oblivious, continued to beam at us, "I'll only be a couple of minutes, I've just got to get ready."
As I sat down on the sofa and he took the armchair, his stare continued to pierce me. His obvious confidence and arrogance exuded from him. I felt very uncomfortable at his intensive and intimidating presence and tried desperately not to meet his eyes.
"So, you're at college at the moment?"
I nodded a shy reply.
We sat in silence for a while, the quietness felt awkward and uneasy to me, but he seemed to be enjoying every second of it. Every time I clumsily glanced up at him, his eyes were always on me, a slight smirk fixed on his face. A few times I saw him checking me out and a hot blush spread across my face. He made no attempt to talk to me or get to know me, no further attempt at any conversation. The longer his penetrating stares continued the more uncomfortable I got and the longer I prayed that Mom would hurry down. I felt very exposed in my own home.
It was not long before she came back, but it still felt too long to be in his presence on my own. She grinned at the both of us. "OK? I'm ready now. I'll just get the car. You going to be OK Colleen?"
"Yes!" I said exasperated, I wasn't a child anymore. Besides, the sooner that creep was out of my sight the better.
"OK then, see you tomorrow, don't drink too much."
She hurried out to the garage as Sam slowly rose to his feet, he held his hand out in a wide grin. "It was nice meeting you."
I did not want to take that hand, I did not want to feel his skin around mine, however it would have been rude not to. As I hesitatingly took it he tightened his grip around my hand, almost squeezing the life out of it. He pulled his arm back towards himself, forcing me to come closer to him and, with his free left hand, he wrapped it around the small of my back. His left arm forced me to press tight against him and panic suddenly swept through me. I was close enough to smell his aftershave and faint linger of manly sweat, his arm had forced me tight against his crotch. I shuddered in disgust as his head leant in towards me to give me a kiss on the cheek. The motions of his head felt like he was going to give me a friendly auntie like peck, but his head extended further back, giving me a deeper intake of his intoxicating odours. Repulsion swept through me and I felt extremely weak as his stubble scratched along my cheek, his lips gave a lingering kiss near my ear and temple.
He finally released me and walked away, I stood in shock at his behaviour. Mom's car started and pulled away and when I knew he was gone I sat down on the sofa, a slight tremble over me at the thought of the deeds the man my Mom was so in to had done. I could not believe that this was the guy my Mom was raving about so much. I trembled in disgust at the thought of his sexually overt kiss and lecherous actions.
That night at Josie's I could not enjoy myself. I should have relished seeing all my old friends, catching up with missed fun, but my mind kept lingering back to Sam. He had really shaken me up, really got to me. I pondered on whether I should tell Josie, if I was going to tell anyone it would be her, I could hardly tell Mom. But the more I thought and pondered on it, the more I wondered what I could tell her. That he had shook my hand? That he had given me a goodbye kiss? No matter how I phrased it, how I tried to explain it, it would sound like I was making a fuss about nothing. But I knew, I knew that there was something not right with him.
Josie did realise that something was not right, but I just shrugged it off as being tired. When I saw Mom the next night she asked what I thought of him. I wanted to scream at her to get away from him, to never see him ever again. I wanted Mom to dump the man she was so obviously in love in just because of the say so of her daughter. I wanted things to go back to the way it was when we would have endless shopping trips I would fill her in on my life. But I kept my mouth shut. I muttered some bland niceties and then she grinned in a broad smile and proceeded to tell me all about the great night they had.
I saw him a few times after that, once when during Christmas and a couple of times when I visited Mom back at home. Mom made sure he never stayed the night, I think she thought of my feelings but I could never be sure. Each time I saw him he would never say much and he would always make me feel uncomfortable. It always felt like he was checking out his girlfriend's daughter and he always gave the impression that he did not care that I caught him doing it. Once I felt his hand brush against the soft cheeks of my bum, as I turned to confront him he already walked away, probably feigning ignorance.
It was just before I had to come home for summer that Mom dropped the bombshell, he was moving in. There was absolutely no warning to it, she just phoned up one afternoon, casual as hell, and threw my world upside down. I was looking forward to a girly few weeks, a time to catch up with Mom and friends. Leaving home had suddenly made me aware of how much Mom meant to me and how much I had missed her during that time. The time Mom spent with Sam had also made me jealous, he had taken away something from me. I had grown a real sense of appreciation of what she did for me. I wanted a chance for us to grow closer together, have a few late nights in, giggling about nothing in particular. That was not going to happen now.
I always felt so uncomfortable in his presence and now I was not going to have any respite from that uneasy feeling. Mom did seem to hint at me that it was him pushing for them to move in together, as far as I could tell he had some dirty little digs that he wanted to get out of and moving in with Mom was the slickest and simplest way of doing this. She loved it though, she reasoned that it made a change that the man was making the commitment and the running rather than the women. I resented Sam for moving in and I resented Mom for letting him into my home.
