As we walk away from the Desert Rose and her home, I can't help but feel kind of odd. Despite the answers I received from Re'aila to questions I'd never asked, I still feel like there's a great amount of confusion weighing on me. It bothers me.
I'm also left with a dull ache of negativity sitting in the pit of my stomach. When I saw the Desert Rose with her body undulating in Eryx's lap, my displeasure at the sight was violent, hitting me hard and fast. I hated how her body seemed so strong and womanly. I hated how she positively oozed raw sex and passion. Most of all, I hated the expression on Eryx's face - pained pleasure written across it clearly for me to see.
When he leaned over and threw up, I felt a flat sense of vindication at the back of my mind.
It's not that I was jealous. It's just... He was being completely disrespectful of why we came here in the first place.
But a small voice in the back of my head reminds me that he escorted me to the Desert Rose solely because I wanted to. I can't blame him for wanting to get his dick wet while I was off talking to the ghost of my dead ancestor.
But I do.
I grit my teeth, frustrated with my own thinking and its infuriatingly cyclical nature. There are so many more important things I can be thinking about, but it's like my frustration and anger at seeing Eryx balls-deep in the Desert Rose is simmering, and the more the scene plays through my mind, the more ready all of the mess of it is to explode.
"Miss Selene-"
"You were enjoying yourself back there." My voice sounds empty in my own ears. Damn it. The words came out before I can stop them.
He's quiet for a bit, the only sound accompanying our slow gait the soft footfalls of us and his horse. "It was to protect y- us."
I want to shoot him a venomous glare but tamp it down. I don't even want to look at his face.
He sighs. "When you were away, she threatened me. She threatened our safe passage if I didn't do as she wanted."
"Is that so?" I say, only slightly petulantly.
He grabs my arm near the elbow, and my surprise at his strong grip makes me turn to him. Our eyes meet, and I couldn't tear my gaze away even if I wanted to. He's angry.
"Do you think I wanted it? Do you think I wanted her?" He rips his robe open so I'm faced with his bloodied frame. I didn't fully see how bad it was earlier because I'd tried not to stare at him in all his nudity - but now I see how he must have been dripping blood despite the lack of scars or wounds across his smooth skin. There are smears of red everywhere.
His forceful touch on my arm reinforces the sudden shame that fills me. At the same time, it's thrilling and I... a flush arousal flies through my blood. I drop my eyes, embarrassed, and similarly Eryx drops his hand from me.
He continues walking forward slowly and I can only follow after him. I feel like a child, even despite the very adult feelings that I'm conflicted with.
It's a while more before he speaks. And when he does, his speech is halting, as if he's thinking hard about every sentence before he lets it leave his mouth. "I've made a lot of mistakes when it comes to you, Miss Selene. I feel- I feel as if I've failed to show you the kind of person that I really am. But- I'm someone who sacrifices a lot for the people I love. Don't just think that I'm a selfish bastard. That's all I can ask of you at this point."
As he speaks, I think that I can almost hear a hitch of emotion in his voice. I think back to what he told me about his childhood and I don't doubt his sincerity.
"I believe you." My words are soft.
"I'm sorry I let you see what you saw." His voice is controlled, emotion bit back. Suddenly, we're not just talking about what I saw back at the Desert Rose's cottage. I can't continue the conversation, there's too much tension between us. So like a coward I don't respond, and we just walk forward, our footfalls on the Desert Rose's white petals muffled.
"She said we should make it out sometime soon," I say, biting my lip. I feel nervous making any conversation. There's too much between us that's unsaid.
"Maybe we just haven't covered enough ground yet."
"Would it be a bad idea to take your horse?" I'm looking at him, but it's almost like he's avoiding making eye contact with me. "We're probably going to need him when we make it out of here anyways."
"I- I don't think that's a great idea." I don't push it. If he wants to let the tension take over so we can't even communicate more than one sentence at a time, then I'm giving up. I'm not in the mood to pursue uncomfortable conversation at the expense of my pride, anyways.
And so we resume walking side by side, slowly, and wordlessly away from the Desert Rose.
---
As soon as I'd opened my robe to show evidence of areana noressa's abuses, it's like my body was responding to excessive amounts of lembi. My anger from Selene's misunderstanding was quickly replaced by arousal. It left me confused while I tried to sort out my feelings and explain even a little bit of the remorse I feel when it comes to anything to do with the small Sorrean girl walking now by my side.
But even with all of the turmoil that I feel raging under the surface, something else commands my attention. It feels as if the pressure between my legs demands stimulation. The magic that areana noressa pumped into me, coupled with her pussy at odds with the salve she had smeared all over my erection, all of it threatens to take over my rational mind. I feel it sizzling beneath my skin, like everything wants to burst forth from out of my body.
When Selene suggested we travel on horseback, just the thought of her body between my arms and her bottom flush against my pelvis was enough to drive me to madness.
I rub a hand over my eyes, wishing for this nightmareish erection to die down. But something inside tells me that there's only one way to make it go away, and it's not something one does in polite company.
I'm so aware of Selene walking next to me as I consider my options. If my internal clock is right and areana noressa's realm follows the same time as the rest of the world, then it'll be somewhere around dawn. The thought that the sun will be coming up makes my heart skip a beat as I remember what'll be happening in Gra'marah.
My head throbs. And I stop walking.
"Can we just camp here for the night?"
"Yes," the reply comes from beside me. It sounds more like a question than agreement.
"I... I'm going to go look for some firewood. Feel free to do what you think is best," I wave a hand over the rest of what I packed, not able to look her in the eyes. I wander away slowly, picking up material for us to make a fire. Luckily this part of areana noressa's realm is thick with forest and brush, so it doesn't take long before I'm carrying more than enough for a fire tonight.
But my eyes feel hollow and my heart feels empty. I don't want to think about what's happening to Hes and Awvag, but their faces keep popping up in my mind. At the same time, it's as if all the blood in my body is rushing to my erection, leaving my cognition at a standstill.
I need to get rid of this thing. It's making me stupid.
Resolve in my every action, I sit down with my back against a tall tree, slipping my pants down in the front and grabbing myself. When my hand makes contact with my hardness, I can barely bite back the hiss that comes from the searing stimulation. Areana noressa was using me for so long that it's almost like the skin of my cock got burned - it's sensitive in the worst way.
I can't remember the last time that I touched myself. Even when I was faced with the most intense waves of arousal in the middle of the night, there was no shortage of women around me who I could help myself to in Gra'marah. But when I think about those faceless warm bodies wrapped around me now, it doesn't sound appealing at all. If anything, I feel distaste, to some degree.
I close my eyes, ignoring the burning pain around where my fingers pull at my skin.
It feels so wrong to think about her in this way, but unwittingly my mind turns to Selene. I slowly move my hand up and down, letting the familiar movements from my memory take over. I groan, a shudder going through my body at the overwhelming sensations sparking across my skin.
The moments I've seen her at her most vulnerable come to mind - I think of the high pitched gasps she lets out when she feels pleasure. I think of her expression when she's caught off guard or embarrassed, with flushed cheeks and parsed lips. Those wide eyes. The thought of them staring deep into mine elicits another wave of lust which crashes over me, leaving me feeling even more dizzied.
Yet the familiar sensation of a budding climax doesn't come - if anything, it's as if I'm slowly wading against an overpowering current, pushing me to feel more of the burning contact from my hand than gratification from its touch.
From the fleeting glimpses I've caught of my erection, I see just how intensely my frustration has manifested itself. I've been avoiding looking down because of the dried blood everywhere, but when I look now, I see the head of my cock throbbing a murky purple. Despite my efforts, I don't feel my climax coming at all.
I force the image of Selene to the forefront of my mind, ignoring the moral qualms I have about masturbating to the thought of my charge whom I vowed to protect.
I'm letting out heavy breaths as my muscles clench along to the rhythm of my hand, low in the pit of my abdomen. I pump my fist up and down at a familiar pace, my hand performing solely from memory as Selene's soft scent blooms in my olfactory senses.
I feel like I can almost sense her presence near me.
"I-" A voice jolts me out of my internal feud and I scramble to cover myself.
"Miss Selene, it's not..." I trail off as I see her face. Her eyes are lingering near my lap where I've just hastily tucked away my cock, but it's that damn alluring expression that she's wearing again that kills me. Her eyes are open wide to accompany the redness that's crept up her cheeks.
But then she looks away, and the spell is broken. "Are you that desperate that you left just to touch yourself?"
I hear the judgment in her voice, and hate the quivering in mine that betrays the tension I feel between us and between my legs. I close my eyes, leaning against the tree and letting out a strained breath.
"She- she was torturing me. She put something on so I couldn't climax, and it's..." I can barely concentrate on getting my words out in a straight sentence, testosterone flooding my system. "I feel like I'm going to explode."
"Oh," Selene says, looking apprehensive. I'm sure that the frustration is evident on my face and I wish she hadn't seen me in this state. She isn't really making eye contact with me, her gaze seeming to be fixated above my face, past my hair. "Do you... Do you need me to leave so you can finish up?"
