We used to have this Adult Store in town that they called The Lion's Den. I know, stupid name huh; The Lion's Den! They wanted to give the impression that; if you were King of the Jungle then this would be the place that you'd come or hang out or cum.
Anyway, it was in this little mall near our house. I could bike there in about 10 minutes and it was my favorite place to go shopping. I use to walk by the Lion's Den all the time when I was going to the food court or down to Thread Lines to buy some workout clothes. I don't know anything about yoga but I do like the pants; they're casual, they're multifunctional, they're warm in the winter, they're comfy and they're sexy. I stay fit by cycling and swimming in the summer and peddling a stationary bike or climbing the StairMaster in the winter. I can't do much with my bustline. I just kind of have what god gave me but my ass is another story. I'm going to keep that as trim and tight as I can, for as long as I can before I start having babies and spend my days chasing after toddlers. Anyway, I'm getting off-topic here. I'll continue with my story and do my best not to squirrel off-road too often.
The windows of the Lion's Den were all whited out so passers-by couldn't see what was inside and there was a big sign on the door that said " XXX 18 Years and Over". I could see in there sometimes just out of the corner of my eye as someone opened the door on his way in or out but not much. It was a combination of luck and timing if I got a peek in there because there wasn't a lot of traffic in and out of that shop. When there was, it was usually older gentlemen with baseball caps on; heads tilted down like movie stars trying to go about their business unrecognized.
I could only see a glass counter that ran the length of the store, a bunch of DVD racks, and this busty, blonde mannequin wearing a black lace nightie to greet the movie stars as they came and went. That's all I knew until 2 weeks after my 18th birthday. I was young and curious; with raging hormones and I had a plan. The plan was: to head down to The Lion's Den and see what kind of sex toys they had. I'm not entirely innocent. I'd seen my share of porn. I'd seen porn flicks on the internet and even dildos and vibrators on Amazon with dimensions, there's no such thing as 18+ on the web, but I really couldn't tell much from that. I mean, they tell you dimensions and all that but that doesn't mean anything to me. I'm not a carpenter, length; 8 inches, girth; 6 inches. What the hell does that mean? They should give sizes relative to something that I know like; one and a half times as tall as a pop can and half its girth or half the size of a fire extinguisher. Give me some real-world examples of the size that I can relate to. I could get my head around that but yeah, measurements are kind of meaningless unless you're an architect or a carpenter or something.
Anyway, that's why I wanted to see the real thing. I jumped on my bike and headed for the mall in my Lululemon Yoga Pants and my Ribbed Tank Top, dressed more like a future Olympiad than someone heading down to the Lion's Den. I thought about wearing a trench coat and sunglasses just in case I ran into someone that I used to babysit for but then I thought that would look ridiculous. I'd look like the Unabomber peddling my ass down the street; it would be better just to try and blend.
I casually strolled by the entrance two or three times before I got the courage to open the door. I looked up the mall and then back behind me, doing my best to make sure the coast was clear. I pulled the door open with some trepidation as if I was crossing the threshold to the dark side. There was a faint "ding dong" as the door opened. They had one of those stupid buzzers on the door of course. Why? It's like a car alarm going off in the parking lot. So, of course, half a dozen men turned their heads to see who was coming in. They all paused for a moment, gave me the old up and down then turned back to whatever they were doing. Everyone except one little old man. He was balding, he was about my height and had the belly of a 50-year-old man that stretched his plain white t-shirt. He stood at attention, feet wide apart and he leaned, hand over hand, on a walking stick like a tripod. He just stared. He never took his eyes off of me. I'm not even sure he had eyelids because he didn't blink. He just watched every step I took. He was like one of those portrait paintings where the eyes follow you no matter where you are in the room. It was a little unnerving but I thought that he was the owner or security or something so I just tried to ignore him. The eyes followed me over to the glass case along the end of the store. It was the case that I'd caught a glimpse of when the door opened and someone rushed in.
Mission accomplished! That's what I was there for, I wanted to see the dragon toys. I casually folded my arms under my breasts and looked the case up and down like I was in the cereal aisle at the grocery store.
Okay! That's what I wanted to see, a treasure chest full of toys fit for any carnal pleasure you could imagine. I thought as my eyes ran the length of the glass case.
I could feel the eyes of the tripod glued to my ass as I turn my back to him. I bent over, straight-legged, knees together with my ass sticking out a little as I leaned forward looking down. There was everything that I could imagine in there. It was a regular buffet of sex toys. There were: plastic vibrators, shiny chrome vibrators, feather butt plugs, butt plugs that looked like a foxes tail, egg-shaped vibrators, and silicone vibrators. There were male gentiles, female gentiles, open mouths, and fleshlights. There were dragon toys that looked like horse cocks, dog cocks, and alien cocks. Well, don't ask me. I have no idea what an alien's cock looks like but you sure can't find those shapes in a high school anatomy book. I wanted one of those alien cocks or a dog cock. They were kinky and they had an interesting shape but they weren't threateningly large like the horse cocks.
I can't buy a giant cock. Even if I did, would I hide it? I thought to myself.
They were as big as my forearm for sure. I couldn't hide a giant appendage in my room. Surely not in my nightstand even if it would fit, which it wouldn't, and it would leave a heck of a lump under my mattress if I put it there. My parents would have eighteen fits if they found something like that in my room.
The alien cock was more practical. It was about the right size; as tall as a coke can, about half the diameter, and it was just weird enough to be exciting for those lonely nights when I couldn't sleep. Most importantly, it was hideable. The one I had my eye on was pastel purple and blue with pink swirls in it. The colors clashed like hell but I didn't have to match it with my shoes or anything so I was okay with that. It had a narrow head that swooped upward. It had a budge in the middle then narrowing again at the base with little ribs running the length of it. It had a suction cup at the base with two balls hanging down in front of that.
That one would do for sure but the catch was that I had no idea of how to ask for it. I pulled the phone out from the waistband of my pants, clutched it in one hand then swung it around behind my back, clasping my wrist with the other trying to look as relaxed and as casual as if I'd been waiting in line at the bank. The attendant behind the counter looked over at me; recognizing the signals of a pending purchase.
"Can I help you ma'am?" he said in a bold voice that echoed through the store.
I was a ma'am now! Half a dozen heads swivel my way when he said "ma'am". I could still see the tripod out of the corner of my eye, leaning against the threshold of a door now which leads to the back of the store, his walking stick still in hand.
"Umm, no thank-you," I stammered as I looked down again, "I'm just looking at the moment."
Good grief! Now what? I thought, Well Vickie, you didn't think that through too well.
I had no idea that it was going to be this difficult. I could see all the holes in my plan now. I couldn't take it home anyway. I could hide it in my room somewhere but I couldn't hang a plastic bag over the handlebars of my bike and peddle my ass home with an alien dildo swinging in the breeze. What if the bag broke open? There'd be an alien penis skidding down the road. What if I ran into someone I knew on my way out? Surely they'd want to know what was in the bag.
I wonder what's in the back? The thought popped into my head like a dog that had just seen a squirrel as I looked at the tripod out of the corner of my eye.
I turned toward the back of the store and followed my nose looking straight ahead, past the little man, through the curtains, and past the threshold. It was a funky, flat black room with green stars randomly scattered across the ceiling like freckles that were about the size of the palm of my hand. There were a dozen or so green doors around the perimeter. Each door had a little poster slipped into an 8x10 frame that was screwed to it.
Movie booths! Okay, I get it. Was the echo in my head.
There was the strong smell of strawberries, maybe cherries, that hung in the air? I don't know. It was a fruity kind of smell anyway. Maybe like one of those fruity personal lubricants that they sell down at Walmart in the Family Planning section. I got the lay of the land so I did an about-face to make my way back to the front of the store and then boom! I ran square into the little man. He was like, one pace behind me.
Oh geez! I thought. They should put a bell on that guy. He was as quiet as a cat.
"Oh my! I am so sorry!" I said with a fright as I poked my elbows out in defense of my boobs and scrunched my shoulders forward as if someone had poked me in the tummy with a pointed finger.
"Not to worry dear." He replied, with a disarming and friendly smile that put me somewhat at ease.
"Don't be shy. Have a look around if you like. I'll watch for you." He stuttered in a cheerful Italian accent.
"My name is Gio!" he said with a smile, extending his hand as if he were someone greeting you into their home.