Id

Jerid Blankenship was the most beautiful boy I'd ever laid eyes on. I'd been in love with him since the first day I saw him the summer before our freshman year in highschool.

The day my best friend introduced us to each other, her finally showing me the boy she'd met over the summer from the military academy and had started dating.

I'd fallen in seconds, despite the fact that he was my best friend's boyfriend.

I hadn't worried at first, Lottie was a notorious flirt and she'd had a new boyfriend every month. The months went by and they stayed together, then years.

She and I graduated highschool with them making plans for marriage and I'd never looked at anyone but him.

Jerid hardly knew I was alive. He knew I was Lottie's best friend, but that was it. He didn't know a single other thing about me, he didn't care.

Every single time I had to sit and watch them together, it broke my heart all over again.

I wrote him letters I never gave him, I wrote poems that won awards and got perfect grades but he never saw and highschool slipped me by without me looking at anyone but him.

I tried to tell myself college would be different. I would get over him and make a place for myself, reinvent myself.

Then there he was in my very first class, somehow.

I'd gaped at him through the whole first half of the lecture as he hid his phone under his bag and texted through the whole thing.

He never even noticed I was there until I caught up with him as soon as the lecture let out.

"Jer! Jerid? What are you doing here?" I'd asked breathlessly, slowing from a run to a fast walk to keep up with him.

"Oh, hey Kid. What's up?"

'Kid' was what he always called me. Not 'Kin' or 'Kinzey' like everyone else, it was always 'Kid'.

"What are you doing here?" I'd asked again.

"Fuckin' classes? Same as you? Composition? You were just there, right?"

"But... you never said you were going to college! Especially not here!"

"So? Lot didn't tell you? We decided I shouldn't go away to college, that I should stay here and just go here instead. It's just as good as a big name degree anyway, with what I'm going into. What the fuck does it matter? Uhh... you need a ride or something?" he'd asked in confusion when he got to his truck.

"No... no, sorry. I was just confused. Lottie never said anything about it and I didn't think I would be seeing you around anymore."

"Sorry, Kid. I'll fucking be here."

So he was. I was stuck with Jerid for the next four years as well. He was in at least two of my classes every year, three my sophomore year and four my junior year.

Not surprising considering we were both going into business management.

Him so he could run his family business, and me because I couldn't decide what I wanted to do with my life and business was a broad stroke that could easily be switched when I found the right fit.

I didn't find it before college was over too.

College and my reinvention of myself.

That was how I found myself walking the stage at 22, still lost, still in love with Jerid Blankenship and still a virgin.

I was afraid it was never going to end now, he defined me. Defined my failure as a human.

I knew it wasn't good for me, I was a horrible friend, but I could not shake him. I couldn't get him out of my head no matter how hard I tried.

Lottie hurried up to me as graduation ended, as my mom had just found me as well.

"Kin! Kin, this is so cool! Now you know what? We get to put 100% of our combined efforts into planning the wedding this fall!"

I smiled at her and avoided looking at Jerid as he came to take Lottie by the shoulder.

"Babe! Hey, babe, I'm sorry. I know you wanted a thing at our place, but I just found out my parents planned a big party. You know I have to go."

"Jer! Jer Bear, we have people coming!!!"

"I know, and I'm sorry. It's a surprise thing and... really, it has less to do with me and more to do with Tem. You know? I have to go."

Lottie wilted, then looked at me. "But our party was Kin's party too! We can't just abandon her at our place with a bunch of our friends!"

Jerid gave me an annoyed look, huffing impatiently. "It's probably fine if she comes this once... Just... you know... kind of stay under the radar, ok Kid?"

"I'll just go home," I told Lottie, blushing as I hugged my mom side arm, then signed to her that I loved her back after she signed it to me, and 'thanks' when she signed she was proud of me.

"No! No, Kin, you can't just go home! You JUST graduated college, it's a big deal and we planned a big party for you and Jer both! You HAVE to come, it'll be fine!"

I glanced at Jerid again and he still looked annoyed and hopeful that I wouldn't come. 99% of the time, Jerid was indifferent towards me. The only times he had ever treated me badly, like 'less', was when his family was involved. No one was really allowed at his house unless they were as rich as his family was. Lottie was the exception, but only after they had dated for three years. Even still, she only went for big events and family occasions. I had never once been to his house, I hadn't even laid eyes on it. The gated neighborhood, if you could call it that, had a single entrance with a guardhouse. There were a total of 6 homes within that neighborhood, and the Blankenship house was the furthest back on expansive grounds.

"Umm," I faltered softly, looking at my mother who was smiling happily.

"Pleeeeease, Kin? There's no way I'll be able to do this without you! I TOLD you what it's like at his house! And all his family is going to be there and I won't have ANYONE else to talk to! Please?" Lottie begged.

"You make it sound awful," Jerid nudged Lottie. "It's not THAT bad."

"Jer!" Lottie laughed. "You complain more than I do! You know it's true, tell her! I NEED her there!"

Jerid huffed again. "It's fine, but we have to go! Apparently people are already there waiting for us to get done!"

"I have to change," I mumbled, tugging away from Lottie. I fully intended to go home and NOT change, to sit and watch a movie with my mom instead.

"Ok! Baby, I'll take her home to change and we'll meet you at your house, ok?" Lottie told Jerid cheerfully. "You can say hi to your stuffy family, then maybe by the time Kin and I get there, you can get away with us to that little game room!"

"Billiards room, babe, and not a chance. My uncles will be in there smoking cigars and drinking whiskey that costs as much as that shitty college education I just paid for, and they'll fucking let me know about it too. They'll ALL let me know I wasn't good enough for Ivy League," he snorted. "But fuck, at least Tem'll be there to take some of the focus off of my failures," he snorted. "Promise me you'll hurry?" he asked Lottie. "You change too, ok? Fix up? That black dress and those silver heels, ok? Seriously! Be quick!" he called, hurrying away as he looked down at his phone.

Lottie turned back to me and I looked down quickly so she wouldn't see me staring after Jerid forlornly.

"Jeeze, so this totally sucks! But, hey, we'll still get to party, right? We can hide away in his old room and make wedding plans!" she giggled, pulling me along with her.

I gave Lottie a halfhearted smile and kept hold of my mom's hand as Lottie led us to her car. My mom or I neither one drove. Mom because she was deaf and mute, me because I was too small and it gave me anxiety to try. Even being in traffic as a passenger stressed me out. My therapist said it was because my dad had died after an 11 car pile up when I was 9.

Lottie talked the whole way to my house, dropping off my mom and grabbing the only dress I owned before dragging me back to her and Jerid's house.

I was used to their house, to sitting in her walk-in closet that was larger than my bedroom while she got dressed. She dressed me as well, even insisting on doing my make-up, though I never usually went in for that. I never felt like myself when I was painted that way.

Lottie finally finished her story and paused long enough for me to get a word in.

"Who's Tim?" I asked her curiously.

"What? Oh... one of his brothers."

"One of them? I thought John was his only brother?"

"No, he has four. Tem is the oldest, I've actually never met him. Do you think these are too much?" she asked, holding large, dangling earrings up to her ears for me to look at.

"With that necklace? Yeah, just go with the studs. So why doesn't he ever talk about his brothers? Does he have any sisters?"

"No, all boys. Ummm... I don't know, really. No one talks about Tem, he's like, the family pariah or something."

"Why?"

"He joined the military and took off instead of joining the family business. Daniel took off too, but he married this socialite overseas and he's all semi-famous and rich, so he doesn't get the same hate Temple does."

"Temple?"

"They call him Tem, usually, but his name is Temple Harding Blankenship the 5th."

"Wow," I cringed. "I thought y'all were saying Tim."

"Yeah, I guess that was the whole reason he took off or something, joined the marines. His family is like SUPER old and super old money. Their house is like, freaking insane and been in the family for years. They expected him to just, like, pick up the family name and mantle and he said fuck off and did the most pedestrian and poor thing he could come up with. A giant 'fuck you' to the entire family name and line and all that."

"What about the other one he never talks about?"

"Not much to say. I guess. He lives in like, Nepal or something. They have a villa? Travel a lot. Hey, can you hand me my shoes? Kin, you HAVE to let me take you shopping! You need a better dress than that one now that we're going to start hanging out at fancier places!"

"Lot..."

"Kin, I TOLD you, I am NOT letting you ditch me just because I have money now! I'm taking you with me!"

I only sighed and said nothing, knowing she wouldn't actually try and force the issue.

When we pulled into the gated community and I looked around, I felt completely inept and small. Smaller than usual. I felt... less.

I didn't like that feeling.

The place Lottie pulled into about made my eyes pop.

It was old, incredibly old, but it was huge and lavish. Almost like a victorian style castle in stone and a dark roof. The windows were ALL lit up, from every single room, like it was meant to be seen that way from the outside now that it was getting dark. Cars lined the drive that was set back from the house, separated by a little man made creek and a stone bridge that led to the house.

It was stunning and over the top and decadent and I actually ached as I got out of the car and looked around at the expansive and beautiful gardens that pushed all the way into the trees from the nearby woods.

It was like some sort of place out of time after you crossed the bridge and I looked up at the huge house with a deep foreboding.

The inside was lit up as well and everything about it screamed wealth. I immediately felt like an intruder.

I was immediately LOOKED at like I was an intruder as well. People I didn't know turned their noses up at me and sneered, and I noticed they weren't looking at Lottie much differently. I was a nasty little rat in their halls, but she was a rat dressed up and trying to pretend to be one of them.

No, I didn't like this place at all.

Jerid gave Lottie a big smile when she came in, then looked past her to me and his look turned sickly. He'd really been hoping I wouldn't show up and my stomach tried to drop to my knees as I looked down at my feet and my scuffed black flats.

"Hey babe," he murmured to Lottie, putting an arm around her and bending to kiss her head. "There's a lot of people my mom wants you to meet. Ummm, hey Kid. There's some food through there in the dining room. I'll send Lottie to get you as soon as my mom's done with her, ok?"

"Sure," I managed, sidestepping out of the way of a tall man who was pretending not to see me as he passed through.

"Jer, she..." Lottie began.

"She'll be fine, Babe, she's an adult. She just looks like a kid. Come on, she'll be fine for a couple minutes, right, Kid?"

"Yeah," I agreed, blushing and backing away from them as he led her away.

Lottie looked back at me in worry and I managed a smile before turning and ducking into the hall of the huge home.

There were so many people! So many people everywhere, all talking loudly and laughing and sneering at me like I could infect them with my poorness.

Slipping down another hall, I peeked into the dining room, but kept going back. I could see into the kitchen and all the people working in there, so I turned the other way and slipped through a servant's pantry. Moving quietly, I looked into another hall and could see into an open room that looked like a study or library. The other direction held a narrow and dark servants stairwell.

I hurried up it, wondering why it felt so off as I climbed. When I made it to a small door, I realized what it was. There was no access to the second or third stories, only to the attic. I peeked in and there were lights shining in the windows, but otherwise the room was dark and full of antiques and boxes.

I didn't really feel right intruding on this space, so I went to the far door and slipped down to the third story where I could hear more people.

Kids.

So that's where they were.

There was a large playroom and it was full of kids of all ages, as well as servants who were making sure the kids were fed and watched.

I slipped by that room and moved to the top of the stairs to look down into the large foyer full of people below.

Easing back, I went to the closest room and peeked in. It was dark and quiet save for the single light pointing at the window, so I slipped in and shut the door.

As soon as the noise was all closed off, I immediately relaxed and let out a long breath.

As pretty as it was, this place was horrible. The people in it, anyway.

Easing into a chair, I curled up and pulled my phone out, but didn't wake it. I wanted it for as soon as Lottie texted me to say we could go, but that was all.

Instead, I closed my eyes and worked on a breathing exercise and tried to focus on anything but how hot Jerid had been in that blue suit that matched his eyes so well.

I don't know how long I sat there in the silence, more than an hour, certainly, maybe two. I had a fantasy playing in my head of Jerid coming to me and saying he hated this place and wanted to run away from his family too. Live a small, happy life on a farm somewhere. We were raising fainting goats when the door slammed open and Jerid himself actually stalked in.

"How long are you going to stay in here sulking?" he demanded of the room.

I sat up in stunned silence and Jerid's head whipped to me.

"As long as I fucking want," a deep voice grated from further back in the room. "What do you want?"

"What the hell are YOU doing in here?" Jerid demanded of me, moving to stand over me in confusion.

"I asked what you WANTED," the deep voice spoke more loudly. There was a huff of impatience, then a growl and movement.

""I came to get you! Everyone is asking for you. Kid, answer me! What are you doing in here?" Jerid demanded.

I opened my mouth, but I was too shocked for words to come.

Behind him, a shape moved past Jerid and out the door as Jerid spun.

"Wait! Dammit!" he hissed, then turned to glare at me before going to the door and ignoring me.

Jumping up, I fled the room and went back the way I'd come, up to the attic. Curling into an ancient chair in a dark corner behind boxes, I tried not to cry.

Why did he hate me so much?

Not three minutes later, the door opened and I heard footsteps, then someone large sitting down out in the main area. A minute later, more footsteps.

"Quit fuckin' following me, Jer!" the same deep voice demanded.

"Then quit running off and trying to hide! Jesus, Tem, you act like I've done you a personal wrong!"

"This is your bullshit party, isn't it?"

"It's YOUR fault they're throwing it, don't blame me! They're looking for you."

"Fucking let'm. Community college graduation," the voice snorted. "You know how much they had to lower themselves to turn this into a fucking occasion?"

"Fuck you, man, like I said. All this bullshit is about you, so how about you go down and say your hellos so you can go back to hiding."

"Fuck that. Who the hell was that chick?"

"The Kid? Lottie's friend. She's a fucking nobody, I don't know why Lottie likes her so much."

"Probably cause your girl never stops talking and she needs someone who knows how to be quiet and listen," the deep voice snorted.

"You've never even met Lottie!"

"I know I've seen her twice and she never stopped talking both times. I know I seen her in your videos you always post and I do NOT know how you handle her never shutting the fuck up."

"Fuck you, she's amazing."

"A good fuck, you mean."

"She's amazing at everything! I mean... that too... but I like her. I like everything about her."

"Bullshit you do, it's all about pissing our folks off, and anyway, you don't like her friend her friend, so you say."

"No. Not her friend."

"What's her deal? The friend?"

"Kid? Fuck, I don't know. She's... just... nothing. Like, literally. I've known her as long as I've known Lottie and I've heard her talk maybe 10 times. She never looks up, she never speaks, she's just always fucking there. Lottie SAYS she's great, but I've never seen it."

"You say all of that like you resent her, like you wanted her to talk to you. Her name is 'Kid'?"

"Kinzey, but Lot calls her Kin. I call her Kid because she's so fucking small and quiet and just... I don't know. Not naive really, but... completely fucking childlike. I don't think she's ever even kissed anyone and she doesn't talk about it either. Lot says she's never talked about boys or girls. She thinks she's asexual, you know, like, doesn't like sex. Doesn't want to date or have a life of her own. She just... hangs on to Lottie and she's always around. Like one of those little big eyed dogs that's just always there."

The deep voice snorted. "She's NOT a dog."

"You think she's hot?"

"You know she is. You're saying you wouldn't fuck her?"

"What? No way, I love Lottie! I would never..."

"Just hypothetically. Say there was no you and Lottie and you had the opportunity to just fuck her and nothing else."

"Nothing else? No talking or dating, just fucking?"

"Just fucking."

"I would fucking destroy her little cunt," Jerid snorted. "If you tell Lottie I said that, I'll kill you."

"I fucking thought so. That's why she annoys you so much. You wanna fuck her with no consequences and without fucking things up with Lottie."

"Dude, it's not like that! I mean, yeah, I would fuck her if I was in a zero consequences situation, but I also think she's annoying and I wish Lottie would just stop hanging out with her. I would fuck a LOT of girls if there were no repercussions, so would you."

"I would and I have. That's the difference between us, asshole. I didn't put a ring on the first pussy I got. I always fuck without consequences because I stopped fucking dating a decade ago. Fucking cunts are just drama and complications. Just fuck them and walk away. Guarantee you'll wish you did after a couple years with that mouth."

"Lottie and I have been together for 8 years, I'm not going to get tired of her."

"Bet you do. Bet you already are and refuse to admit it, you just really want to piss dad off. How often do you just wish you could tell her to shut the fuck up? How often do you wish you could just get up and walk out of the room? She's not even that hot, dude. Personally, if I had to pick, I'd pick her friend."

"She has ZERO personality!"

"Bet that cunt is fucking tight, though, and she's cute."