I'd just had my shower and was standing in the kitchen with a towel wrapped around me, drinking my coffee. I saw the UPS man drive up and get out, carrying a big box. It was a case of 'Yes!" as I'd been expecting this for days. Typical slow delivery when you really want something.
Now I knew that there'd been some reports of porch pirates in the neighbourhood so I intended to grab my parcel as soon as possible. However, as soon as possible did not mean rushing to the door wearing a towel while the driver was still there. I waited until I saw him driving away and practically bolted to the door, gloating all the way.
I opened the door, checked there was no-one around, and stepped out and picked up the parcel. It was quite a large parcel, much larger than it needed to be in my opinion, but stores did tend to over-pack things at time. It was also somewhat heavier than I'd expected but I managed to pick it up and went back inside.
That's when my troubles began. The parcel was rather wide so instead of walking through the door I turned side on and edged through, sidling past the doorway with the parcel stuck in front of me. The stupid parcel caught on the frame so I squeezed a little harder, trying to get through, only to wind up getting stuck.
Not being an idiot I didn't try to force my way through. I figured I'd back up, put the parcel on the ground and push it through. When I tried backing up I found that I was wedged in that direction as well. I couldn't move into the house and I couldn't move out. I simply couldn't move.
I also found that the parcel was wedged in such a way that I couldn't push it down to floor level or lift it higher. I couldn't move the damn thing in any direction whatsoever. I was totally jammed.
I was feeling a little desperate when I saw a neighbour walking past and I hastily called out to him.
"George, got a minute?" I yelled.
He looked in my direction and I called out again.
"Um, I need a little help. I'm sort of stuck."
He came strolling up, looking mightily amused.
"Making deliveries?" he asked.
"No. Receiving one," I grumbled. "I'm stuck and can't move in or out. Can you give me a hand?"
"That's not what I meant," I wailed when he started clapping.
"Your only problem is that you need just a little more room," he said, still looking very amused. "I think I can help you there. Ah, if you'll excuse me. . ."
My face was burning as he slid a hand down between me and the parcel. I'd like to think it was accidental that his hand slid between my towel and me rather than between the towel and the parcel.
"Sorry," he said in a very innocent voice, the liar. "Um, perhaps this will help."
He took his hand away and reached down. The next thing I knew he was tugging on the bottom of the towel, pulling it down and off. Apparently he'd loosened the knot when he groped me.
"What the fuck?" I cried, face burning. I was now naked and wedged in the doorway.
"Just giving you a little extra room," he said, tossing the towel over his shoulder. "I'll hold your parcel while you try to wriggle out."
"Ah, Marie," he said, still smiling, "I think you'll find that you can't wriggle out in that direction. You'll need to move this way."
That direction was into the house and safety. This way was out onto the veranda, where a big man was standing and me naked.
"Come along. There's a good girl. You don't want to be standing there when someone else comes along to see if they can help."