I'm at the window, staring out at the curtains of rain being pelted against the glass by the wind. If the glass were a mirror instead of transparent, I would see that my face was as blank as a white page; eyes as calm as lakes. One hand rests on the frame of the window beside my head; my nose nearly against the glass between the pounding rain and myself. I'm immersed; I hear only the downpour.
And certainly not him.
There is weight against my back suddenly, heavy and damp, pressure against my lips before any noise can escape them, cold metal at my throat, and a voice in my left ear.
"Don't move. Don't make a sound." And he emphasizes on this with slightly more pressure from the blade to my throat.
My mind takes off in that moment – holding my breath, catching my reeling brain, and finally coming to focus, first on the vibrations of the rain against the glass against my body. I can feel it and the cold through my blouse and I can feel the dampness of his pants against my ass through my skirt and against my bare legs. Back to reality. A sweat crops up on my skin and I nearly shiver before the sensation of metal against my throat comes back. There is fear but I cover it with anger – anger that I had not sensed, had not heard him coming. The hand comes off my mouth and the pressure of my body. Again, his voice,
"Don't move."
The metal is against the back of my neck now, moving down, cutting through the fabric of my blouse. A chill follows the blade down my spine until it's all the way through to the bottom. I feel the air against my back and my anger blooms again to cover. Still, I clamp my lips around it and remain my silent; the sound of my heart filling my ears. His hand slides under the cut material and I try to focus on the glass pressing out against the rain. The hand slips around to my stomach, sliding up between my breasts, pulling me back, and I nearly scream and lash out then – only the thought of not knowing where the hell the knife is stops me. The pulling brings me a step back, then another and his hand pushes against the front of my shirt till it pulls down my arms and finally slips off my hands to the floor. I clench my hands into fists to keep from covering my breasts. Closing my eyes again, I try to close everything out as I feel his hand on my right shoulder, turning me.
Once facing him, I look directly, and hopefully fearlessly, into his face. I find a mirror of my own emotionlessness save for what might be a slight grin. He glances down my body and I'm unaware of the hand that reaches up and around and clench my hair. It pulls hard, my teeth clench, I suck a breath in through them as my neck is arched back. The point of the knife touches the underside of my throat.
"Scared yet, bitch?"
I hold my breath.
"You can talk now – tell me; are you scared yet?"
I can hear the smirk in his voice now and it ups my resolve. My lips clamp down tight. Fuck him – he won't get a thing from me. The tip of blade leaves my chin and my head is forced forward and down. My eyes are filled with the dull metal of the knife against the sheen of sweat on my skin. It moves down over my breast, the metal warm from my skin, and all I can do is watch, my body frozen as the point inches towards my nipple.
"One more time – tell me you're scared."
And I am, despite my resolve, I know I'm trembling. But it doesn't make me answer – I refuse silently, answering with only my breath, trembling, and cool anger.
It's like watching a scene in slow motion when the point of the blade pierces my flesh so close to my nipple, but my reaction is instant. I cry out and one of my so far clenched hands comes up to grab the hand that holds the knife – I back up the two stumbling steps till my ass is against the window, and my other hand comes across my breasts to cup the wounded nipple. I can feel warm moisture between my fingers but I refuse to look down again, fearing distraction. In his face I see first shock and then anger. His hand, already loosed from my hair, comes down to first slap me hard across the face and then to push against my chest so that my back slams against the glass behind me. Adrenalin rushing, my cheek burning, I prepare to fight back this time – until the knife is against my throat again.
"Try it again, cunt – go ahead. You so much as breath without me telling you to and it'll be a lot worse than this little nick."
And god help me, the fucker found that tiny little cut in my skin again with the knife tip and opened it, only slightly more. This time I scream; the pain hot, engulfing my breast.
When it stops, I realize I'm close to tears and bite them back as I realize he's stepping back; the hand is off my chest. And I'm watching in a daze, trying to keep my knees from buckling and forcing myself not to look down at my breast as he stoops to paw through a bag on the floor. How the fuck did he get in with THAT without me knowing? He pulls out of it something silver. Handcuffs. I tense, holding my breath again, as he brings out a handful of rope along with the cuffs.
I try to listen to the rain pounding on the glass as he approaches me again, trying to will myself not to think; not to feel. There is only internal fighting when he cuffs my wrists together in front of me and there is only a glare on my face when he steps back slightly to look at me. He comes close again, too close this time, pressing against me, his hands behind my back, unzipping my skirt. I turn my head to one side, closing my eyes, knowing my face is flushed and praying he doesn't see. He pushes the skirt down my hips, his hands sliding over my ass, only slightly touching through the fabric of my panties. I shudder in response and silently cuss my skin out for tingling; trying to will it back to sleep. But I can feel the air on my skin, the dampness of his jeans and shirt, even the place where a little bit of his boot touches my ankle beneath my know crumpled skirt.
My eyes are closed and I snap myself out of the daze as I realize he's not touching me any longer. He's in front of me, tying the rope around the chain between my cuffed hands. There is a length of rope left when he is done and this he holds as he turns without a word. And I realize I'm expected to follow. This snaps me right back to reality. I stand still, breathing hard, and planting my feet firmly to the ground. As the rope pulls taunt between us, a chill runs through me, but I stay still. He turns and I swear I can feel my heart beating in every inch of my skin as he takes two steps back to me, grabs the back of my hair, and pushes me forward a couple stumbling steps. He starts to walk again, but I stay still, panting hard; fresh adrenalin doing all the talking. He pulls and my expression can only say 'fuck you' at this point. The chain between my wrists is in his hand and he yanks hard – I respond with an angry growl, new sweat breaking out all over my skin as he gets one leg behind me, knocking me, sprawling, to the floor, my ass and shoulders taking the hardest blows.
Before I can regroup, his boot is on my throat with just enough pressure to keep my head on the floor. I catch my breath as best I can; barely keeping tears at bay this time.