by
PanWhoWrites
and
BurroGirl18
Part 1
'Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a present was present for my loving spouse.
I don't normally leave things to the last minute. Like, I'm not the world's most organized woman, but it's not like waking up six days before Christmas and realizing that I haven't gotten anything for my brand-new husband is a habit.
It's our first Christmas together as a married couple, and my new hubby, perfect man that he is, probably already got me something amazing. A robot that cleans the dishes, or...wait, that's just a dishwasher.
You know what I mean. He's probably gotten me something better than a dishwasher.
A friend of mine suggests I get him something sexy, and I can't get the idea out of my head. So when I pass the store with the blacked out windows, a sign promising "EROTIC GIFTS" in green-and-red letters...well, how can I resist?
Making sure that no one is looking, I open the door and slip inside.
The first thing I see is dicks. Dicks, dicks, dicks, in all shapes and sizes and colors.
I'm not a total prude - yes, Frank has been my only lover - but I've, y'know. Watched porn.
Once.
So it's not like I've never seen a dick before.
But walking in and being accosted by
so many
dicks, all at once - it was like being slapped in the face. By dicks.
I immediately have second thoughts. This is a bad idea. I can just get Frank a golf set. He doesn't like golf, but whatever. I can figure something out.
Maybe he can learn to love golf.
"Umm...I think I have the wrong door," I say, blushing as I see the man behind the counter staring at me. I'm wearing a big winter coat and a pink knit pom pom beanie - he must just be able to see my blonde locks and a pretty face, red from the cold outside.
He's tall. Heavyset, but not fat - he makes me think of a bodyguard, or a wrestler. Glancing down at me, a gentle smile appears on his face.
"It must be freezing outside," he says. "Why don't you come in and warm yourself up for a few minutes? I know the area well, I'm happy to direct you to where you need to go."
I nod, too embarrassed to speak. It's a kind offer, but I can't. There's just...there's too many dicks. Too much sex, all at once. I'm flustered and overwhelmed; I need to go.
Just as I'm about to open the door, I see some people walking by. I realize the windows aren't blacked out, just darkened - you can't see in from the outside, but you can see out from within. I can't walk out while there are
people
there. They'd see me step out of a sex shop. What would they think? They'd probably think I was some slut, buying a huge dildo or something.
No, it's far better to wait for them to pass by before I leave.
"Thanks," I mumble. "It's pretty chilly outside."
The man behind the counter is staring at me, and suddenly I feel warm. Taking my hat off, I let my golden locks fall free.
It doesn't stop him from staring.
"Where were you heading, Goldilocks?"
He's handsome. Intelligent-looking. Definitely doesn't give off a pervert vibe. I guess I imagined a creepy fat dude running the store; or a goth chick, covered in tattoos.
"Just Christmas shopping," I smile. My eyes run up and down the man's arms. Well, I wasn't wrong about the tattoo part.
"If anything catches your eye," he says with a chuckle, "I'd be happy to show you what I've got."
His laugh is deeper than I'd expect from his voice, and I flush red, still uncomfortable by the number of dicks surrounding me.
"Ummm...I don't think these are the right kind of toys for my 3-year-old niece," I say, trying to break the awkwardness with a joke. The man smiles, revealing pearly-white teeth.
"Well, maybe something for yourself?"
My face grows even more red. "Yeah, you know, I was actually shopping for my husband." Better to make it abundantly clear that I'm taken.
"Ah," he grins. "And have you got a gift for the hubby yet?"
"No. I'm terrible at figuring out what to give people, and he's especially hard to please. He doesn't really have a hobby or anything..."
I trail off as the man's eyes dart up and down my body. Normally, I'd be offended, but something about the shopkeeper...he doesn't seem dangerous. Or lecherous. His gaze isn't sleazy, it's...professional, I guess?
"Well, since you're hiding from the cold anyway, why don't I show you some things your husband might like?"
I glance back at the window. There's still a steady stream of people outside.
"Sure, why not. I think I have a minute." I chuckle uncomfortably. "Just until I warm up."
Exiting the counter, the man moves towards a wall at the back of the store. I trot after him before even realizing that I'm doing it.
The wall is black, like the windows, but covered in lacy, brightly-colored lingerie: red, pink, purple, blue. "What's your husband's favorite color?"
I'm shocked to find that I have no idea. "I...I don't know," I stammer. "We've never talked about it."
"How about you?" the man replies, gliding over my embarrassment. This guy is a real salesman. "What's your favorite color?"
This one I know. "Red."
The large man plucks a set of red lingerie off the wall. Before I know what's happening, he's pulled my coat open, and is holding the underwear up against my sweater and pants. "This might fit. There's a change-room out back; why don't you try it on?"
I glance at the skimpy clothing. This is exactly what I came here for - a sexy outfit for my husband. So why am I suddenly so hesitant to take it?
"You think so?"
"I'm sure your husband will love it."
"Well, if there's one thing he's passionate about, it's me." I chuckle nervously. It's true - Frank has hardly been able to keep his hands off me for the four and a half months we've been married.
Maybe this
is
the perfect Christmas gift.
"Now that's a present he'll be excited to unwrap."
I smile back, wondering if he's trying to flirt with me. No. He can't be. He's just doing his job, acting nice to make a sale.