I like fishing. It's relaxing. One of the few things where you can do absolutely nothing while looking as if you're doing something. I mean, if I sit around home with a beer and a book, I'm a lazy bum. But, if I'm sitting in a boat with that very same beer and book, I'm no longer a lazy bum but a man partaking of his sport. I have become a hunter, pitting my wits against those of the wily fish.
That gives you an idea of why I like to go on camping trips occasionally. Not because I'm a camping enthusiast but because I can take out the boat, beer and book and relax. I have even been known to catch the occasional specimen.
This weekend, something different had been added to the mix. A petty thief. A couple of the nearby campers had warned me to make sure I lock up anything of valuable, because some items had gone missing while they were away from their camps. Just little things. Loose change left lying around, a few odds and ends, some of their supplies. Not enough to make a formal complaint to the rangers or the cops, but a nuisance all the same.
So the next morning, when I was preparing to go and do my fishing, I made sure that anything of value was locked in my car. Not being used to having to do this sort of thing, I slipped up. I realised almost as soon as I pushed off. No beer.
I know what you're thinking. I don't really need a beer or two to do my fishing. You're an idiot. Of course I need a beer or two to do my fishing. You don't have to take my word for it, ask any fisherman.
So it was a case of set sail for the deep water and the large fish, spot the beer was missing, do an about turn and tie up again. Then back to camp to collect the liquid refreshment.
I received a surprise when I reached the camp. Because I'd left all my stuff in the boat I was able to return to my camp by one of the shortcuts that aren't really feasible when loaded with gear. So I arrived at the camp from an unexpected direction, and the three petty thieves who were going through my stuff and industriously trying to pick the lock of my car had no idea I was there.
It occurs to me that you may have got the wrong idea about me. Just because I like to be lazy sometimes, doesn't mean that I'm not fit. I've never really associated liking to read with being small and nerdy. I'm over six foot, large boned and well padded. And quite a bit of that padding is muscle.
When I appeared from nowhere and let out an angry yell those three sneak thieves must have imagined they were face to face with a bear. With the sun behind me, all they saw was a big roaring figure outlined by the sun.
What I saw were three attractive young women who'd been caught red handed rifling my things. Before they fully caught on to what was happening I was among them holding one in each hand while the third was trapped in my tent.
There were a number of panicky screams and cries, and then the girls caught on that it was only a man. They weren't scared of men it appeared.
I have to give them full marks for gall. As soon as they realised that it was just a poor little camper who'd pounced on them they were all indignant and on their high horse. It was a case of get my greasy paws off them or they'd report me to the cops for assault.
That's when they received their next jolt. I just calmly told them that if they wanted the cops they could just register their complaint with me. "Happy to be of service, and could I see some identification, please?"
They were suddenly a lot less happy, starting to protest their innocence.
I pointed out that there had been several instances of petty theft from campers in the area, and it wouldn't take me long to have them fingerprinted and then to check the raided sites for matching prints.
The three of them shut up at that point, looking rather worried.
I took out my smart phone and took pictures of the three of them, giving them a nasty look while I did so. I also switched it to record mode so I could tape everything they said.
I then asked them what the hell they were playing at. The petty thefts had been precisely that, petty. Not even worth the trouble of reporting. Why had they been doing it?
It turned out the answer was for fun. The girls had been feeling bored and had decided to snoop through some camper's stuff while he was out hiking. The petty thefts were trophies, rather than loot. They'd each take one item as a keepsake.
They apologised for snooping through my stuff and assumed that was that. I'd now let them go. Fat chance. They were stuffing up my break.
I pointed out to them that they had freely admitted to trespass, burglary and theft. It was the duty of any officer of the law to charge them and let the courts handle the matter.
It finally started to get through to them that they'd stuffed up. Right up until then they were treating it all as a joke. The problems that they'd caused the other campers had been of no concern to them. It hadn't really registered. I mean, they were just three young women having a bit of harmless fun. Right?
Wrong.
I asked for their identification and they reluctantly showed me driver's licences. A quick check of birth dates confirmed that they were all about twenty, which was what I had originally estimated.
I sighed, letting the young women know that the whole thing was thoroughly irritating me. Truthfully, I had no intention of taking them down to the station and having them charged. All that paper-work, and on my break, just to teach some idiots not to be idiots.
I stood there considering them, knowing one of them would break and seek a way out.
Naomi (I got their names from the licenses in case you're wondering) was the one who finally cracked.
"Is there any way we can sort this out without having to be charged?" she asked, pleading obvious in her voice.
I hesitated, and then shook my head.
"Easier for you to just come along and get it over with," I said. "You definitely wouldn't like any other suggestions I might come up with."
Glances flashed between the girls, sensing that an out was possible.
"What sort of suggestions would you make," Christine asked cautiously.
