ADVICE: Some people don't like my stories. That's fine. I don't want you to read anything that you don't like. If you have any doubts, please read 'An Apologia' from my submissions page before reading.
This will make more sense if you have read the preceding parts.
Chloe is awakened by the door closing; it's morning, and someone has delivered her a little breakfast - croissants, hot chocolate, orange juice, on a pretty, ornate little metal tray with its own stand.
She looks up, still mostly asleep, understands, slowly, that she is naked, in a strange bed, in a strange room; a luxurious, soft bed, in a beautiful, sun-filled room, well furnished with subdued antiques, overlooking lush greenery, countryside.
But grand as all this is, she is aware, as she awakes more fully, of something, something huge .. and then the memory of the previous night rushes over her, and she is gradually overtaken by a slow, powerful, suffocating panic attack, which has her clutching at the bedclothes around her convulsively as her heart rate accelerates, her breathing gets wilder and deeper, her belly begins to try to turn itself inside out, her legs rigid, cramping, her mind in turmoil.
It can't be. It just cannot be! That .. that she .. that they .. that he ..
And where
is
she? Somewhere M and D have taken her? Somewhere of Lord K's? Delivered to some other stranger?
Naked! She's naked - vulnerable (and now the soreness - multiple sorenesses - of her body remind her how thoroughly her vulnerability was abused last night).
Wildly, she looks around for her clothes, her bag, shoes .. sees nothing, although there is an inner door..
She is up, scampering to the door, clutching the duvet around her, glancing backwards at the main door, checking it's closed, needing safety, something .. something of her own, beyond her naked body, to cling to, to anchor herself ..
A bathroom - luxurious, elegant, sun-filled, but impersonal. A few small hand-towels, no robe.
Heart thumping, tearing up now, feeling small, weak, frightened, vulnerable, she sinks to her knees, her head going down, down, until her forehead is on the cool tile, her hands balled into painfully tight fists either side of her head, and the sobbing engulfs her, fighting with the heaving of her chest for control of her mouth, and everything goes wrong - she is inhaling spittle, mucus, coughing, panic out of control, crying out, inchoate, in her distress...
It can't last - she becomes faint, exhausts herself, rolls onto her side, shivering, shaking, clutching at herself, until at last, some clear, calm voice inside her helps her control the panic - to breathe, to let the feelings be as they will be, but not let them own her - something like that - she's read it in a magazine, maybe. Whatever, it helps.
And gradually, she is calmer. Her heart slows, her breathing too, the unbearable combination of the immediate need to do something physical, set against the absence of anything sensible to do, ebbs away, the sobbing fades, and the tears dry up.
Slowly, actively suppressing thought now, she picks herself up, weak, shaky, and walks back into the bedroom.
Seeing the breakfast she realises that, under all the emotion, her body is demanding food, with urgency, and she sinks to her knees by the little tray, and glugs half the juice before a thought comes to her that it might be drugged, and freezes. Seconds later, she shrugs; 'I'm here, helpless, naked, I did everything they wanted last night - they don't really need to drug me' - manages a little sarcastic smile and takes another swallow, then goes for the croissants. There's a note there.
An elegant, scallop edged card - heavy, soft, like a wedding invitation or something, handwritten - comfortable, precise script, flowing, impressive;
"Good morning, pretty, I do hope you like the room - and the breakfast. When you're ready, ring the bell, and Ginny will come with some clothes for you. There'll be a choice to make, which I am afraid I cannot help you with, save to say that I trust your instincts. I will look forward to seeing you at lunch."
It was signed, simply, 'M.'
This calms her considerably. M is in charge, here, and M is honest and clear - even if what she asks of Chloe is - well - Chloe searches for words .. and finds herself saying them aloud;
"Bat. Shit. Fucking. CRAZY!"
The last word comes out as a half shout. In the silence of the house, it shocks her, and she cringes, frightened of what the response might be.
But nothing happens; the silence persists, and the calm of the room helps her calm herself again, and she attacks the food, which is delicious and rich. Then the bathroom calls, and once done, she knows that she wants to shower.
She is happy with freezing cold water to begin with - it feels soothing, purifying, cleansing, but by the end she has it as hot as she can bear, before she dabs herself dry with the small towels.
It takes a little courage, then, to look at herself, look at her back in the mirror, to touch her groin - front and back, explore her tenderness there, expecting damage. She is surprised that the trail of the whip on her back is almost invisible - and realises that the sensation, the pain she experienced, must have been largely psychological - shock and humiliation, rather than physical.
The situation at her ass is less comforting, though - seriously sore, some traces of dried blood - he had used her hard, and she sinks to her knees again, tears coming - but soft tears, that come with no anger, no revulsion, no regret, even, crying instead at the realisation of a new knowledge that is unfolding in her - that she is happy to accept this pain, not because she likes pain, but because she is transfixed by the emotional recall of what it was like, to be used like that, so roughly, so selfishly - so gloriously.. To have been the girl who could, who would give him that - that freedom.
To be a girl who was free with herself. Free with her body - free with its intimate uses. Free.
A strange word to use for that situation, she thinks - 'free', but with her wrists bound. Free, but pushed down, held down by force, entered with force, naked, whipped, vulnerable, in a strange building, under the control of people of wealth and power and confidence and seemingly completely relaxed about imposing sexual savagery upon an innocent.
Nevertheless, free is the word that makes the most sense to her, and she stands, dropping the towels, naked, clean now, looking at herself in the mirror, seeing herself as never before; as a body - a desirable, fuckable body - seeing her as she thinks (hopes..) M sees her, as D sees her.
It's entirely new, this appraisal - almost impersonal. She's always been unsure about her body - like most young women, her image of what she ought to be has been conditioned by the peculiar selection of images that the media offer. Has always thought her breasts the wrong shape - too large, too obvious, not like the catwalk models or the famous actresses she likes; has always been unsure about her legs - the thighs so long and slim, topped by what seems to her a disproportionately rounded and jutting bottom, her neck too long, her lips .. the list goes on...
But now, although she is perhaps more critical, she is looking as if with new eyes - with the eyes of a sexually greedy man - the workings of whose mind M and D laid out for her so dispassionately in the bar. And with this filter, she can see how her breasts work, how her hips work, her ass - and also see that she needs do things - both with posture and body language, and with dress, to improve and enhance them - that she needs to recommit to exercise, maybe go back to dance classes.
It's not that she's any happier with her body, so much as that she is less worried, less confused, clearer. Men like her tits, so she can make more of them. They like her ass on her long legs, but shapeless skirts just make her bum look big, conceal the promise of her thighs, her torso lacks muscle tone, so that her breasts are not well supported.
She finds herself smiling at the image in the mirror as she experiments, shy of herself, but still, surprising herself with her own boldness; pulling her shoulders back, arching her neck, head off to one side, seeing her breasts respond, offer themselves - and she giggles, half embarrassed, half amazed at this new - freedom. There it is again, that word, that feeling - she has new freedom with her body - has been freed from the weight of expectation by a simpler, more direct understanding - she wants men to want to fuck her. More precisely, she thinks; M and D want men to want to fuck her. Rich and powerful men with extreme tastes. So that they can rent her to them, under cover of an employment agency. That seems to be their business model.