I headed up into the back hills to visit old Zeke. Old Zeke differentiates the old man from young Zeke, who happens to be me. The old man had broken his arm earlier in the week and I'd been dispatched to see if there were any little chores that needed attending to.
Normally I'd be irritated being sent out to do another person's chores but in this particular instance I didn't mind for two very good reasons. Old Zeke was stubborn and independent to a fault. He'd make a pig-headed mule seem reasonable. There was no way he'd assign me any of his chores unless he really needed to, and he didn't have much to do around his place anyway.
The second reason was Ellen, old Zeke's daughter. A lovely girl Ellen. Recently turned eighteen and quite happy to flirt with any handsome young men who happened by, and that describes me. If old Zeke didn't have any chores then that would leave me with more time to flirt with Ellen. Who knows what might happen. Well, I did if I had my way, but I suspected I'd need to work on Ellen a bit.
Reaching old Zeke's place I parked the car and wandered up to the house. Old Zeke was sitting in a chair on the veranda, not really giving the impression of a happy little ray of sunshine. Distinctly grouchy, was my impression.
"How's it going, Zeke?" I called.
"How does it look like it's going," he snarled. "That fool doctor says I've to keep it in a cast for another four weeks. Damn fool. Speaking of damn fools, what are you doing here? I didn't invite you."
"True, true," I agreed, "and left to myself I probably wouldn't have come. However my father said, and I quote, poor old Zeke has a broken arm and he's bound to be feeling helpless, so go and help him."
"Helpless? Poor old Zeke? What a load of blatherskite. Who does the fool think he is? I'm just as capable of doing my chores, even with a broken wing. You're not needed and you can tell him so."
"Are you sure? No little bits and pieces that I can do?"
"Are you deaf? I just said you're not needed. Now be on your way."
"Okay, if you're certain." I paused for a moment and then snapped my fingers as though just remembering something. "Ah, while I'm here I really should say hullo to Ellen. It would be rude of me to come and go without saying hullo."
"That wretched girl," old Zeke bellowed. "Who cares if you're rude to her? I don't. She deserves someone being rude to her. She deserves more than that and if I didn't have this broken wing she'd have got it."
"Ah, a problem?" I asked.
Old Zeke muttered furiously under his breath. I'm not sure what his exact complaint was but he was sure hot under the collar about something she'd done.
"Hum, been misbehaving has she? I'll give her a stern talking to when I say hullo."
"Like that will have any affect," he snorted. "What she needs is a good beating and she'd have got one if I hadn't had this accident."
"Bit old for a beating, isn't she?" I observed.
"They're never too old for a beating. You have to keep the womenfolk in line. That's why she's getting so full of herself. I haven't beaten her for several years. Past time she got one."
"If you say so," I said agreeably. "Ah, is she of the same opinion?"
"Who cares? I'm the master of the house and my opinion is the one that counts."
"Okay," I said. "Well I'll just nip in and say hullo and then I'll be gone. She's inside I take it?"
"Yeah, yeah. She's in her room. What sort of punishment is that? She's got her phone and her computer and that's all she needs. She'd be quite happy to stay in there for a week."
He continued muttering about the unfairness of it while I headed towards the front door. I'd just reached it when Zeke called out.
"Hold it a moment, young Zeke. Your father said you'd attend to any little chores that I can't do right now?"
I sighed and nodded.
"Yeah. He was quite emphatic that I had to make myself useful."
"In that case there is one small chore that you can do." Old Zeke wore a smirk that was almost chilling to see. "You can deliver the beating that Ellen has earned. That'll teach her to laugh and point out that my trying to do it would hurt my arm worse than it would hurt her."
"You're kidding, right?"
"Why would I be kidding? Don't you think you're capable of delivering her a beating? You're three times her size. No way could she stop you."
I turned and went inside feeling a little bemused.
I knocked on Ellen's door and went in after she answered. She was lying on her bed, wearing a short top and a skirt that had ridden up a little more than I think she knew.
"What are you doing here?"
"Dropped around to see if your father needed any little chores done," I explained.
"You're kidding. Not your own idea, I'll bet. You'd have guessed that the answer would be no."
"Right on. My father's. Um, he seems a little irascible right now."
"Oh, yes. His arm and other things have really got him upset. He'll calm down in a week or so."
"Among those other things, your behaviour by any chance?"
"You might say that," she admitted, giving an iffy sign with her hand.
"He mentioned a wish to beat you, saying you deserved it."
Again the iffy sign, along with a giggle.
"Possibly, possibly, but by the time he's recovered enough to give me one he'll have calmed down significantly and I'll be able to talk him out of it."
"Unfortunately he's not prepared to wait until he's recovered before giving you a beating. He's told me that's the chore he'd like me to do."