It was a really cold day. I mean, the air was frigid. Thank god there was no wind or I'd have frozen solid. Thankfully I was nearly home and I had no doubt in the world that Melanie would have had the heating on. With a bit of luck she'd also have turned on the artificial fire in the living room. It ran off gas but it was set up to look as though it was a natural fire burning wood. Very clever the way it had been made.
Finally home I welcomed the warmth, but I wanted some more personal heat so I headed towards the living room. If Melanie hadn't turned on the fire I sure would.
Melanie is my baby-sitter, by the way. She's an attractive eighteen year old who earns extra pocket money sitting for a few people, me included. I had two young children who were probably sound asleep at this time of the night. No wife, courtesy of a drunk driver, may he rot.
I reached the living room and stopped to enjoy the tableau there. Melanie had turned on the fire and right now was enjoying the heat, notably on her behind as she was bending over slightly, her rear pointing at the fire, getting warmed up. My guess was that she'd just had a shower (her hair was obviously still wet) and was using the fire to get nice and toasty before getting dressed.
Did you notice that I said before getting dressed? She'd apparently carried her clothes in with her while wrapped in a towel. Her clothes she'd dumped on a nearby chair while the towel was draped over a drying rack. Very conscientious, Melanie, and there was no way that she'd put a wet towel on a chair or the carpet where it might leave a stain.
I suppose that I should point out that I was home somewhat earlier than expected. These things happen. I'd reached the station to find that the express had been delayed and I was just in time to catch it. The result was that I was home at least half an hour early. You wouldn't catch me complaining, I can tell you.
"Do you realise, Melanie, that you're in violation of household rule number four?" I asked.
From the scream I gather a few things. One, she didn't know that. Two, she didn't give a damn about rule four. Three, she would appreciate it if I disappeared in a puff of smoke. Four, I had no right to be home early. And so on and so on. It's amazing the amount of information you can gather from a single scream.
For a moment she dithered between crouching to hide all her charms and standing and hiding them with her hands. With her bust line I could have told her option two was a loser but that's what she went for, standing straight, hands trying to cover her more private areas, and giving me a death stare.
"Will you please go away?" she said, asking very politely when no doubt she wanted to express herself a bit more succinctly.
"First things first," I said genially. "Rule four, remember."
"No, I don't remember. I have no idea of what rule four means or if a rule four actually exists."
"Of course it exists. Would I make up things like that? Didn't I show you the rule book the first time you sat for me?"
She gave me a blank look, obviously not remembering. Understandable as I hadn't written the rules back then. I'd have to get around to doing that.
"Doesn't matter," I assured her. "I know all the rules by heart. Rule four states that no female visitor should be caught in a natural state. The penalty is ravishment by whoever catches her."
Now she was giving me a look that Darth Vader would have envied. Strangely enough it had no effect, probably to her sincerest disappointment.
"No way are you ravishing me," she stated, keeping up her death glare the entire time.
"What can I say?" I asked with a shrug. "Rules are rules and you know how I always abide by the rules."
"I know of no such thing and you are not raping me."
"Not rape. Ravishment," I corrected.
"It's the same thing."
"No it's not. Rape is crude and nasty. Ravishment is sexually stimulating, even if there is some reluctance on your part."
She was looking around with a touch of desperation, seeking a way out of her dilemma. Deciding she'd found one her death glare lowered to a determined scowl.
"So, rule four only applies while I'm naked?"
"Indeed. Might I point out that right now you are beautifully naked?"
"So if I can get dressed before you grab me rule four no longer applies?"
"That seems a reasonable assumption," I agreed.
"And is there a time limit regarding how soon you have to start ravishing me?"
"It's not in the rules but being a gentleman I will allow it. Shall we say five minutes from my deciding to apply the penalty?"
"Fine. If you can catch me in the next five minutes you can force me, but I'll fight you."
"Ooh. Are you sure that fighting is wise? Rule three, remember."
"If I didn't know rule four what on earth makes you think I'd know rule three?"
The way she spoke it sounded as though she was chewing on bricks. She was not happy.
"Rule three says that resistance to rule four means that I have the option to paddle your fine tush prior to moving on to rule four. Tell you what, for this instance I won't take up that option."
She hadn't even realised up until that point that I'd been steadily moving closer to her. Now she did and jumped to one side. I knew just what she was going to do. Dart around the chair with her clothes on it and grab something, anything to put on. She was so focused on getting around it that she didn't spot me grabbing all the clothes and tossing them onto the other chair.
She didn't really mind when I pushed the chair back against the wall, boxing her into the corner. As far as she was concerned it just put her clothes in a grabbing position. She was quite taken aback to find there was nothing to grab. Me, I had something to grab and proceeded to do so.
"Hey, wait," she yelled. "This isn't fair. You took my clothes."
"I certainly did not," I defended. "They're right there on the chair where you left them."