Yes I Am An Alien

The man at the bar had been looking at her all night. Not at her tits, although lord knew Shauna was used to that. Puberty had cursed her to a lifetime of back problems, poor posture, and an entire gender (including two of her last six boyfriends) who could spend an hour talking to her and not know what color her eyes were. But the stranger sitting with his back to the bar, the pale guy with the lank, wispy blond hair who dressed like a Forties gangster complete with fedora and who'd been nursing a gin and tonic for the past two hours while he watched her out on the dance floor with her friends? He kept staring directly at her waist.

Not her ass, not her legs, not her swaying hips. Her waist. She could practically draw a dotted line between his watery blue eyes and a spot about an inch below her belly button. His gaze occasionally flicked to other women at first, but somewhere over the course of the evening he'd rejected all other applicants for the role of 'object of my creepy fucking attention' and zeroed in on Shauna. And once he did, she couldn't get rid of him. She put something like five people in between them, she sat on the other side of Melanie and Michelle, she ducked into the restroom and took her sweet time washing her hands afterwards... and when she emerged, there he was looking at her again like he saw her right through the walls.

Shauna tried to ignore him. She tried to hide from him. She even thought about calling it a night early, but she hadn't gone out in almost a month and she wasn't about to let some weird creepy entitled guy spoil her first evening with her friends in ages. So finally, around about ten o'clock, she walked right up to him, drew herself up to her full 5'7" height (5'5" without the platform heels, but who was counting?) smacked the bar behind him hard enough to redden her hand, and said, "What the FUCK, dude? Are you some kind of fucking alien? What the fuck is your deal?"

His gaze flicked up to meet Shauna's hazel eyes. He looked at her for a second, staring at her without blinking, his face utterly devoid of expression. It reminded Shauna of those old Star Trek episodes where Kirk did something unpredictable and the robot glitched out trying to incorporate it into its ultra-logical worldview. Not surprise, not alarm, just a total flat-footed inability to understand the right response. Shauna felt suddenly, queasily guilty that she might have just been a total jerk to someone with a legitimate social anxiety disorder or something.

Then he licked his lips, quickly and nervously like a lizard. "Why yes, I am an alien," he replied. "That's very interesting. Most people don't notice. Did I miss some sort of cue in the mating ritual that tipped you off? I've seen some males of your species change colors to signal their awareness of a female's attention. Should I be turning red right now?"

Shauna rolled her eyes. He really thought this was cute, didn't he? He was so damn sure that she was going to be swept off his feet by his quirky, nerdy sense of humor and completely forget the three solid hours he spent giving her the creeper stare. Shouldn't he be doing this bit at a science fiction convention, at least, or maybe even a Renaissance Festival where they'd only get annoyed at him for being the wrong kind of weird? "Sure, right, you're an alien," she snarked, making no effort to hide her irritation. "And let me guess, you're here to mate with human women?" Good fucking Christ, he'd somehow managed the feat of finding a pickup line she'd never heard before and making it sound trite and predictable. It was almost perversely impressive.

The stranger tilted his head slightly, like a golden retriever trying to figure out where the ball was. Once again, Shauna was momentarily struck by the genuine strangeness of his reactions to the unexpected--his eyes didn't widen, his breathing didn't change, but she could tell nonetheless that he was responding emotionally. Just not in any way she recognized. "As it happens, yes," he replied, his tone still not rising or falling at any point. He reminded her of those elaborate celebrity voice synthesizers that could repeat a whole sentence, the ones that nobody used because they didn't know how to put emphasis on anything. "I think you're the best candidate, too. I've been examining your reproductive system, and you're clearly in heat at the moment."

Shauna blinked hard. "I'm, um, excuse me? I'm what? You what?" She was almost too bewildered to be angry; she'd been given a number of inappropriate compliments in her time, from men praising the ratio between her chest and her waist to guys telling her that her short black hair didn't make her look too butch to fuck to dudes who told her she'd be absolutely perfect if she just got lip injections, but this... this took the cake. This took the whole damn bakery. This made off with an entire business line of mass-produced pastry products, and Shauna didn't even know how to begin telling this asshole where to go fuck himself over it.

"In heat," the stranger repeated with patronizing slowness... and yet, strangely enough, still not emphasizing the syllables in any way, shape or form. "You're ovulating. I did a full medical scan, I assure you. Your ovaries have released an egg through your Fallopian tubes into your uterus, and you are primed for reproduction. Only three other women in this room tonight can say that." He smiled, but it didn't look like an authentic, genuine smile. It looked like someone who had heard the act of smiling described to them and was attempting to replicate it from that alone.

It didn't exactly unnerve Shauna, but suddenly she began to have a tiny sliver of doubt in her mind about the stranger's apparent joke. Nobody committed to a bit this hard, not without a camera crew in hiding and a release form at the ready. Even Borat broke character eventually, right? "You can... see my uterus," she said, reminding herself to stay skeptical. Just because the guy believed it didn't mean it was true. "Like, just, with your eyes? You're just looking through my flesh right at my uterus?"

The man raised his head up, slowly lowered it, and returned it to a neutral position. Shauna realized he was attempting to nod. "Oh, yes," he said, pausing momentarily as if uncertain whether to try another nod or whether the one was sufficient to indicate understanding. "We have a number of talents and abilities entirely lacking in the human species--that's why I want to mate with you, actually. Your species is being considered for admittance to a mutually beneficial coalition of sentients from across the galaxy, and the exchange isn't merely cultural. We hybridize our biological traits in order to produce a wider and more optimal selection of genetic diversity."

He paused. "There's a certain amount of translation required from one genetic language to another when it comes to protein coding, you understand, but I don't believe you're quite ready yet to understand the underlying science. Nothing personal."

Shauna gritted her teeth. "No, not at all." She had a PhD in genetics and cell biology, but she'd long ago gotten accustomed to men treating her as though she was incapable of understanding developments in her own field. Apparently it was a genuinely universal trait, if the stranger's story was to be believed. "And so you're going to, what? Breed with human women one at a time until you impregnate all of us? That doesn't sound very efficient." She tried to tell herself that it shouldn't feel this good to poke holes in a story that was obviously nonsense to begin with, but the part of her that kept noticing strange little details about his body language and mannerisms felt better when she did.

The man fluttered his fingers rapidly in the air. Shauna realized she'd seen him make the gesture once or twice before, less overtly, in response to her words. It was almost like laughter. "We're a very long-lived species," he said, "and you're still quite a few generations away from being ready for first contact. This is a volunteer project, an early seeding of genetic material to prepare you for the eventual commingling of our very different worlds and cultures. A few women here, a few women there, and from there it becomes self-sustaining. Your children will be fully capable of breeding true hybrids of their own."

Shauna snorted. "Assuming I want to breed with you. Assuming I believe any of this."

The stranger didn't blush. Not as Shauna knew it. The blood didn't rush to his cheeks, creating a rosy flush of prickly heat on his pale skin that she would recognize as embarrassment. She didn't see the coral pink hue spreading down his forehead from his hairline, a sure and very human tell of consternation at her blunt rejoinder. Instead, he... he....

Shauna almost thought it was her imagination. She really hoped it was. But deep down, she was absolutely certain she knew what she saw. For just a brief moment, the stranger's whole face turned bright red, like an octopus changing its color. He went crimson all over, the color of fake blood in an old Seventies thriller, and then it faded as instantly as it had appeared leaving his skin once again porcelain white. "I'm very sorry," he said quickly, his tone still neutral but his words peppering Shauna at machine-gun speed. "I didn't realize I was making myself unclear. This is an explanation, not a request. I am planning to mate with you tonight, while your body is receptive to impregnation, and you're going to undertake reproductive action shortly."

He paused. He licked his lips again. "In privacy, of course. I'm given to understand that you're very secretive about the mating process, save for a select group who demonstrate it to others via streaming video for educational purposes."

Shauna's brain reeled. She couldn't even process it all properly--she knew what she'd seen, she was talking to an actual real alien, and she didn't even know how to make it all fit inside her head. "I, you, w-wait, you... we, um, why...." She took a deep breath, forcing herself to focus on the most immediate and important question facing her right at that moment. "Why am I not terrified right now?" she asked. "You, you just changed your whole appearance right in front of me. You just confirmed information that will alter the life and beliefs of every human being for the rest of history, told me that we're not alone in the universe. Y-you told me you're going to impregnate me! But I... I'm not frightened. Not at all."

It was absolutely true. Shauna could feel a bewildered fascination with the stranger's words, an absolute gaping shock that left her stunned despite her best efforts to wrap her head around the world-shattering news. But where she expected to find dread, anger, shrieking terror at being selected for an alien breeding program... nothing. An almost bemused calm in place of any emotion at all. A strange man was about to take her off somewhere private, fuck her with god knew what kind of reproductive organ, and breed her with his alien semen, and she had less reaction to it than the morning weather report.

The alien licked his lips again. "Yes. Well. Naturally, it would be cruel to impregnate you against your will," he said, still sounding every bit as calm and blase as if he was reading off the dinner specials at a cafeteria. "In order to facilitate the process and make you more receptive to the imperative under discussion, I've been releasing a targeted series of pheromones that have attached themselves to key hormone receptors in your brain. This will be an ability your children possess innately, of course. The first wave saturated your amygdala, blocking the flight-or-fight response and leaving you incapable of strong emotional responses. It's a necessary precaution--you won't be harmed by this, after all, but your self-preservation instincts might treat me like a threat if I don't take action to nullify them."

His fingers fluttered. "Don't worry. I'll take good care of you while you're in an altered state of consciousness, I promise."

He slipped off the bar stool and took her hand, leading her out of the club. Shauna's friends didn't seem to be particularly bothered by her unexpected departure; perhaps his pheromones had spread a little bit wider than he intended, or maybe they just thought she was practically gagging for it after a whole month of long days and late nights in the lab. "We'll be alone soon--I procured a motor vehicle for the reproductive act, as is I believe the custom in your culture. It also makes for a nicely enclosed environment to release the next wave of pheromones, which will stimulate your procreative urges, to maximal effect." Shauna listened, understanding every word but somehow unable to connect any of it to a meaningful reaction. He was going to take her outside and fuck her in the backseat of a car until she got pregnant. And she didn't care at all.

The cool outside air revived her a little, and she felt a wave of numb, resigned dread flow over her mind as she realized just how passive she truly was in the face of the alien's manipulations. Her children would be able to do this instinctively, it seemed. No need for neoteny--they'd just be able to turn on the pheromones, and she'd feel a deep and uncontrollable maternal bond to her kids. No matter what her intellect told her. No matter what she thought she wanted. She was going to be the best mommy ever to her babies, full stop.

Kids. Plural. Shit. Well, Shauna mused as the stranger ushered her into the back of a nearby sedan, not much she could do about it now.

He got in the front and drove for several miles until they arrived at a secluded turn-off outside the city, and he must have been pumping out pheromones the entire time because Shauna couldn't keep her hand out of her panties by the time they stopped. She'd kicked off her skirt somewhere along the way, so lost in a fog of naked arousal that she hadn't even noticed, and her pussy was so wet that the sheer fabric of her satin underwear clung to her labia like a second skin. "Let me just come around," he said calmly, turning off the engine and unbuckling his seat belt. "Then I believe I can satisfy your primal urges to mate."

It was the absolute least sexy thing Shauna had ever heard in her life, but she didn't care. She wriggled out of her panties and spread her legs wide, her breath escaping in tiny grunts and whimpers as she prepared for the stranger's cock. "Oh god, oh please fuck me, oh please fucking fuck my pussy," she heard herself moaning, and a distant part of Shauna's mind almost couldn't believe the stream of filthy babble coming out of her mouth. She didn't even know why she was doing it--it wasn't like the alien was into that shit or anything. But she was so drugged up on alien lust pheromones that she couldn't stop herself from literally begging for sex.

That was... that was actually kind of hot, Shauna realized. Or maybe that was just the hormones talking.

He crawled on top of her, pulling the door closed behind him, and undid his fly. "I apologize if this feels disconcerting," the alien said, licking his lips repeatedly, "but we've developed a certain optimization of our reproductive organs after multiple rounds of hybridization. Your body may be unaccustomed to the sensation." And with that, a prehensile penis almost as thick as Shauna's wrist shot out from beneath his clothes and wriggled its way like a snake into her soaking cunt.

Shauna's eyes widened, and she grunted in shocked ecstasy. She'd never had anything fill her up so completely before, not even her biggest and buzziest toys--this cock swelled up until it fitted snugly against every side of her vaginal canal, then pushed in deeper and deeper until she could feel it pressing very lightly against her cervix. It undulated faintly, stimulating her nerves until her world went red with sensual, euphoric bliss, and she only dimly noticed her legs wrapping around the alien's waist to pull him closer to her. She couldn't believe how good it felt to be fucked like this. She never wanted him to stop.

"If I understand your biology," the alien said, still sounding ludicrously calm and disinterested, "orgasm is a positive indicator of reproductive felicity. How many have you had so far?" It was an absurd, idiotic question, and it was even more absurd that Shauna couldn't answer it. Her mind kept skipping from one climax to the next like flat rocks bouncing along the surface of a pond, and the entire concept of counting receded further and further into the thick fog of lust in her brain every time she came. She could feel her musk leaking out around his cock, dripping onto the seat, gushing out of her with every undulation of his impossible prehensile shaft. She let out a loud, ululating moan, unable to make words happen anymore.

"I believe that response is sufficient," the alien said, fluttering his hand against her heavy breast, and Shauna felt his entire cock twitch and pulse as a liquid just slightly warmer than human biology was accustomed to spurted deep inside her. It kept going and going, lasting far longer than any man's climax she'd ever heard of, and the alien's eyes finally closed as it let loose and came.

He didn't let her up immediately, and Shauna felt something almost painful expand inside her vaginal canal near the tip of the alien's cock. "I'm afraid we're going to remain like this for some little while," he said, licking his lips in what Shauna had come to recognize as embarrassment. "It helps sperm retention and implantation. I expect that we'll be docked for another twenty minutes or so. You don't mind if I watch your uterus to pass the time, do you? I'm quite interested to see how it all turns out."

Shauna shook her head dazedly, unable to respond with more than a mewl of pleasure. She could still feel him inside her, filling up her pussy as though he was molded to it, and even the slightest motion of her body triggered another spasm of overwhelming bliss. She didn't know what would happen if it didn't take, whether he would just start right in with another round of fucking immediately or give her time to recuperate from the first mind-shattering bout of sex. But thanks to the hormones coursing through her brain, Shauna didn't care. She rested her hand peacefully on her belly and waited to find out how long it would take her to become the mother of a whole new species of humanity.

THE END