Authors note: This is a continuation of the previous chapters. It is not necessary to begin from there. Readers can start right away from here. Suggestions, feedback and criticism are welcome.
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She woke up abruptly from a dream. A dream she never had, wild and erotic. She doesn't know what is happening to her. She never had dirty thoughts as such. She was always a straightforward and respectful woman. It's been two years since her husband passed away. Ever since she was shunned, living alone in an apartment in a big city in South India. She remembers about her husband. Their marriage was a rebellious one. They were shunned by both families so they moved to the city and started living happily. As fate would decide he was taken away from her leaving her alone in the darkness. She never goes out. Always stayed in the blankness of her room. She gets everything she needed delivered once in a week. She never thought about starting to live a new life.
Her bank account would last her for a couple of years. After that she didn't imagine what she would do. She doesn't even know whether she'd last until that. Lately she was having variety of erotic dreams. She was confused and disgusted by those dreams. She would wake up and feel nauseous about it. In such dreams she saw herself being intimate with different men in various positions she'd never imagine she could do. But when the situation arrives, just like how it had been in the dreams, she would feel electrifying turn on. Like how she felt when the cooking gas cylinder guy arrived last time. It's like how something is controlling her mind, dictating her feelings. She doesn't know if her dreams are controlling her reality or was she always in a state of perplexing dream.
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He knew he was out of control now. He always wanted to be a decent guy. He felt like losing his mind. He imagines every woman he sees doing dirty things. Whenever he sees a woman he finds attractive, a portal to this alternative reality opens up where he will see those woman doing things that will not be acceptable by the reality. Like how he imagined the attractive tall woman he saw in the railway station, how she took off her clothes and began to tease him while people all around her walked without minding her. Thoughts like this always happened to him. But he is not a teenage boy anymore. He was exhausted by these thoughts. He knew he was a sex addict but he couldn't find the point of it. He feels horny the whole day. He masturbate three times a day. If he stops doing it for one day, his mind would begin to feel anxiety and nervousness. He hates himself for doing this everyday.
Every time he do it he can't keep doing it beyond 5 seconds. No matter how much he controls his mind, how much he practice stop and start method, he could not last more than 5 seconds continually. He was so angry with himself. What's the point of having this huge sexual appetite when he could not even last more than 5 seconds, he asked himself. It's like having a glass of whisky drop by drop every minute. It would be amazing to have the entire glass in one sip. It was his big wish, to continually do it beyond 30 seconds. To relish the sensation, to feel the high in having the pleasure continually while imagining his utmost fantasies, to release the knot when his hunger was satisfied. He doesn't know whether he will ever feel that way in his life. He begins to walk to her apartment.
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She was standing in the balcony looking at the sky. It was a starless night. As if waiting for someone she stood there all alone. She wore a white shirt, her husband's shirt, nothing else. The wind occasionally blew up her shirt as if it wants to see whats inside. She could feel the chillness of the night in her body, more around in her thighs. Sometimes it felt like the wind takes the form of a hand and occasionally smooch the smooth skin of her thighs and buttocks. She felt like someone was grabbing her back smoothly caressing it. She felt goosebumps suddenly. She looked down when she heard the gate open. She couldn't see who it was coming into the building. It might be some other tenants. She never had any visitors. There was nobody to visit her. Right then she heard someone knocking her door. She opened the door to see him standing.
"it's you, why did you come here now?," she asked him.
'I wanted to see you durga. I couldn't go without seeing you one last time,' he said tearing up. she let him in and closed the door.
"I don't know what will happen if the landlord finds you here," said she without looking at him. He came close to her. 'Don't worry I will leave without anybody noticing,' he said. She looked at him inquiringly. She felt a little anger and she didn't try to hide it.
