Content warning: This story is much darker in tone than my other work. It is perfectly understandable if this one isn't to your taste. Specific trigger warnings for abusive relationships and self-destructive behaviour.
I don't deserve my girlfriend.
I know a lot of people say that, but for me it's true. I'm an awful human being, and she's one of the most kind and wonderful people on the planet. She deserves all the happiness and joy that this world has to offer. But unfortunately, she decided to date me. She helped me through some of the most difficult parts of my life, pulled me out from the pits of despair, and never asked for anything in return.
Tonight she's going to learn that I really wasn't worth it.
"Whatcha thinking about, babe?" Stella has a kind smile in her eyes. One that always lights up the room, that inspires others and fills them with hope and joy. Her laughter is the most beautiful sound on the planet. It's the little things that I fell in love with. From her bizarre and unfathomable taste in music to her quirky morning habits when she gets dressed, I've come to love every part of her.
"Just thinking about how much I love you," I responded in a playful tone. It's not strictly a lie. I was thinking about why she's so wonderful, and all the reasons I love her. I was just also thinking about what a selfish and awful person I am, and why she would be better off without me. I drag the people around me down into a pit, and leave them broken for having cared. But if I told her that she wouldn't believe me. So instead I just returned her smile. "I hope you know how much I appreciate you. My life wouldn't be the same if you weren't in it."
Stella let out a deep sigh and rolled her eyes. "Oh please, we've been over this. All I did was give you the gentle push you needed.
You
were the one that did all the hard work." Not true. Stella practically carried me through my transition, literally turning me into the woman I am today. "I know you're always hard on yourself, and I don't blame you, but I hope that one day you see yourself for the strong and caring person that I see you as." Again, not true. I know what I'm really like, she's the one who's been fooled. "And most importantly don't forget - you saved me as much as I saved you."
That was one point I couldn't really refute. When I met Stella, she had just escaped from an extremely toxic and abusive relationship. Avery, her previous girlfriend, was a hypnotist. And not the fun kind of stage magician. She had been controlling and uncaring, and treated Stella more like a possession than an equal partner. It was part of the reason she was so impressive, because despite everything, she was still able to smile.
"You found me when I had nothing. You gave me the strength to start anew, and you showed me what a good relationship could actually look like. You inspired me to be able to love again." Once again, my heart melted at the warmth of her smile. Despite all the heavy emotional moments we'd been through, it was always the little moments that reminded me of how much I loved her.
It was only a matter of time before her love for me faded. I had to treasure these moments with her, because by the end of the night, she would learn the type of person I truly was.
I took her hand in mine. "Thanks for that. I hope you know that no matter what happens, you were always the best thing that ever happened to me." I pulled her in for a tight hug, which she happily returned. After a moment, our embrace was interrupted by her growling stomach. "Oh geez, I was so busy being melancholy I forgot about dinner. You want me to make some mashed potatoes?"
She pulled away and shook her head. "Nah, let's just heat up some leftovers. There'll be plenty of other chances to cook meals from scratch later." She had said it so casually, but it felt like a dagger through my chest. This might be the last meal we ever have together as partners. And instead of preparing something fancy and romantic, we were having reheated leftovers. Yet another reason I was an awful girlfriend who didn't deserve her.
The leftovers don't take long to prepare. We have a pretty cheap microwave, so it takes a couple rounds to heat everything properly. Stella is still acting upbeat and cheerful, like this is any other day. I try to respond in kind as she recounts some funny story from her work. I'm going to miss moments like this. Tender moments, with just the two of us, enjoying peaceful company. Maybe it's best that I didn't plan for an especially fancy evening. Because natural moments like this are the ones that get truly cherished over time. And no matter what happens, I want to leave her with some good memories. Even if she realises the memories were flawed, as the person she was sharing them with is a disgusting monster and subhuman trash.
There's a knock at the door. My heart is pounding, and there's a lump in my throat. I can barely get the words out as my mouth is completely dry. "Do you want me to get that?" I try to sound normal, but I have no way of knowing if she can tell just how extreme my nerves are.
"No it's fine, I'll get it. It's probably someone trying to sell us something anyway." She gets up from her chair, and I can't bring myself to look up. I continue staring at my half finished plate as she heads to the door. I hear her turning the lock and opening it, followed by a moment of ominous silence. Then, an unfamiliar voice calls out.
"Heya Slutface, long time no see. Nice place you've got here."
It takes a moment for Stella to respond. I can't see her, but I don't need to to understand her terror. "No. You can't... you can't be here. Not anymore. I-I left you."
"Yeah that was a real dick move on your part, wasn't it?" I hear footsteps, entering the apartment. "I gotta admit, for someone as dumb as you are you did a good job covering your tracks."
I could hear the tremble in Stella's voice as she tried to remain strong. "I'm not- I'm not dumb. And I'm not useless, no matter what you say. I am my own person, and I won't let you-"
"Slutface, quiet and still." Stella's protests were cut off the moment the words left Avery's mouth. "Good to know your triggers are still in place. I might need to update a few of them, and I'll definitely make things more strict. Don't want you trying to escape again."
For the first time, I finally mustered the strength to look up. Avery didn't have a particularly imposing stature. If anything she was a little on the scrawny side. But her attire made it perfectly clear that she wasn't the type of person to be messed with. Between the vulgar tattoos, the combat boots, and the vast array of piercings, Avery was almost the embodiment of punk. She carried herself with a domineering attitude that even made me want to submit to her. Stella, however, was faring much worse. She was quaking in place, unable to move or make a sound.
I had never seen hypnosis in action before. And admittedly, I had been a little sceptical about the stories she'd told me. Now those doubts were gone.
Avery made her way over to me. She put her hands on the table, looking down at me with a sneer of disgust. "So you're the one my little plaything left me for. I've gotta be honest, I'm disappointed.
Clearly
