<PhoenixMoon86> It sounds like YOU want it. So YOU should be glad that you can no longer orgasm.
He was afraid. Afraid that she was right. But he wasn't going to admit it.
<PhoenixMoon86> I'm waiting for you to thank me.
<APyreInside81> Thank you for what?
<PhoenixMoon86> For making you unable to orgasm. For making you into the defenseless slut you always wanted to be.
<APyreInside81> That's not what I want.
<PhoenixMoon86> You can deny it all you want. We both know the truth.
<APyreInside81> No, I really have been trying to orgasm. I just seem to lack the ability to have a really satisfying orgasm. Like even if I manage to attain one, hardly anything comes out. The problem is that I've been so turned on for so long that after I orgasm, I still have so much cum left that it doesn't really empty me out.
<PhoenixMoon86> Good.
<APyreInside81> Why is that good?
<PhoenixMoon86> I like you dumb and full of cum.
<APyreInside81> Why?
<PhoenixMoon86> Because you like it.
<APyreInside81> I'm not sure if that's true.
<PhoenixMoon86> Yes you are. You know you want it and need it. You know that you want all that cum to be bottled up inside you, like a champagne bottle that you just can't get the cork off.
<APyreInside81> I can't stand it any longer. Please, Sam, I need an orgasm.
<PhoenixMoon86> Oh, fuck yes, you're already at the point of begging. I love making you beg. Do you have any idea how wet I'm getting already? And your begging is just going to get more intense as you get more desperate.
<APyreInside81> Yes, I'm begging. I'm asking you to grant me an orgasm.
<PhoenixMoon86> I'm so happy. The next time we meet, I want you to get on your knees as soon as you see me. You'll do it right at the airport, where everyone can watch you. And your humiliation will make it a hundred times better.
His penis was throbbing painfully. And yet it wouldn't go over the edge of orgasm.
<APyreInside81> It sounds like you're not planning on relenting any time soon.
<PhoenixMoon86> Are you kidding me? We've only just begun. I need to go now, though... I urgently need to masturbate to a series of earth-shattering orgasms while I think about you being this weak and pathetic and helpless. You can sit there with your broken dick and think about me cumming over and over again. Never forget that I'm laughing at you, at how weak you are, at how much you need me. And remember: an orgasm is just a brief release from the desires that bind you. But if you lose your ability to orgasm, you will have never-ending pleasure: the pleasure of suffering for me.
*** PhoenixMoon86 has signed off ***
In control systems engineering, there is the concept of positive and negative feedback. Many systems are self-regulating: in engineering terms, their results, or output, "feed back" into their input and influence how they behave. Negative feedback is, for example, the type exhibited by a thermostat reaching its desired temperature: as the temperature approaches the desired value, the system stops reacting to it, since no correction is necessary. Positive feedback is the opposite, such as that exhibited by an amplifier fed back into itself: it increases the intensity of something in an endless loop, because the amplified output is fed back into the input, becoming louder still. Sam's brain had now reached an endless feedback loop like this: because he was sexually aroused, he wanted to relieve that sexual pressure, but not being able to do so was also a turn-on, meaning that the more aroused he became, the more arousing he found this experience of irreversible arousal.
If he could somehow release some of his sexual tension, he might have been all right. But the problem was that he had no release valve: normally, he could have eased his sexual tension by masturbating, but now, touching himself had become like touching a table. There was no sensation to it, no satisfaction from it. Reading her words was so much more sexually exciting than masturbating that masturbating had lost its ability to satisfy him. He needed more words from her. He needed to feel her hold on him, to experience the thrill of her messing with his thoughts and toying with his emotions to churn him into a sexual frenzy. Without the experience of her wonderful manipulation, he was unable to satisfy the powerful need he felt.
At the same time, however, the experience of being thus sexually trapped was also a turn-on for him, because he liked the fact that she had made him so sexually dependent on her. It was a sexual fantasy come true: he was her plaything, a weak toy so addicted to her that he would have done anything to experience her playing with him. That turned him on even more, which he would normally deal with by masturbating... but since he couldn't, his predicament turned him on still more, creating an endless loop of sexual arousal and intense thoughts about her that he couldn't control. With no way to physiologically or psychologically get himself out of this loop, he entered something of a state of mental stasis, as if his brain were a computer that had crashed. He could think only of her, only of the things she said and did to him. These thoughts were an order of magnitude more powerful than any other thoughts in his mind, and they drowned out the possibility of thinking about anything else.
This was, in fact, the beginning of a sequence of self-reinforcing events. Just as an audio signal undergoes successive layers of amplification as it passes and re-passes through an amplifier, Sam went through a repeated series of online encounters where every time, she would heighten and reinforce his state of sexual excitement and desire, then suddenly disappear, leaving him in a state of overwhelming arousal that he had no way of dissipating. He came to dread the thought of her leaving; every time she left, he was suddenly alone, and she would always leave suddenly to maximize the effect her leaving had. He came to understand, subconsciously if not consciously, that her absence meant regret, and her presence meant gratification.
Sam was arguably a man of questionable mental stability, especially after Sam had begun working on him, but he saw clearly enough to realize that it was best to distract himself from Sam if he wanted to stop thinking about her. The more you try not to think about something, the more you end up thinking about it through that very act of
not
thinking about it. So he did what many young men do when they have a lot of free time on their hands and no clear outlet through which to expend it: he got heavily into video gaming. This was something he, like many other young men, had already enjoyed before, but with a Sam-shaped hole now palpably gaping in his life, he decided to try to fill that gap by distracting himself. It didn't really matter whether he was playing shooting games, role-playing games, strategy games, or whatever-he just wanted something to get his mind off her.
It was also at this point that he opened an account on a dating website with the hopes of forgetting about his obsession. He reasoned that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and that he had erred by focusing too hard and too long on one particular woman. Surely, if he would just get himself out there into the dating pool and start talking to other women, he could forget about her, right? He just needed some time to meet new people, to reassert his humanity and his status as a person, to attain the new perspectives gained by talking to other people, and he would feel like a new man.
What he had not understood or accounted for, perhaps because he was inexperienced in matters of dating, was that women recognize a guy who is still trying to get over an ex, a man who is somehow too emotionally tied up in the past to be able to move forward, and will instinctively avoid a man who is emotionally unavailable. He had little success on the dating site despite seeing several interesting profiles and sending several well-intentioned messages to various women. He became well acquainted with the single response: many people on the Internet, when they receive a message which appears reasonably well-composed and polite, feel obligated to send a single conciliatory response, an answer which communicates that they appreciated the communication, but says nothing further. If he sent a response to this response, no further messages would be forthcoming. This pattern repeated itself again and again.
Finally, a woman ended up messaging
him
instead. It quickly became apparent that the woman was reasonably intelligent, attractive enough to not smash the sky with sheer hideousness, and most importantly, interested in talking to Sam, which were all the criteria that he was looking for in a woman at that moment. They got to talking for a while, and a few minutes of talking which turned into a few hours of talking then became a few days, and they kept talking, or rather, she kept talking. It was apparent that she was a fantastically boring person, the kind of person who would talk for literally hours about whether she should eat an apple or an orange, which probably helped to explain why she was single, but he didn't mind too much, because he was a boring person as well, and so perhaps they suited each other well that way. She would talk for no reason and he would listen for no reason. Surely there have been relationships that were sustained on a less compatible dynamic than that.
It might have gone on for much longer if the other Sam hadn't turned up after a few days and asserted herself.
<PhoenixMoon86> Why haven't I heard from you for a few days?
<APyreInside81> Was I supposed to message you?
<PhoenixMoon86> Of course. When we're not together, your job is to tell me how much you miss me when I'm gone.
<APyreInside81> I wasn't aware of that. Last time we talked, YOU were the one who went offline and left ME alone.
<PhoenixMoon86> Yes, and you were supposed to send me messages telling me how much you missed me and begging me to come back so we could talk some more.
<APyreInside81> Why would I ask you to talk to me if you don't want to talk to me?
<PhoenixMoon86> Because you want me and need me. All you have is me.
