Friday went by in a blur. Somehow I managed to make it through my normal shift at work. Ever had one of those drives where you arrive somewhere but can't remember most of the trip? It's like your body is on autopilot. Your mind disengages and is just
somewhere else
for that time while your body just goes through the motions. That's what the first two thirds of my day was like.
Except I wasn't asleep, or even zoning out in the "contemplating emptiness" type of way. Instead, I was thinking at an internal speed approximating mach two. I wish I could say I made a lot of progress, but unfortunately my mind wasn't traveling in a straight line for most of that time. It would make some progress but then twist back on itself, or veer off into some random tangent. Then, once I had fallen into that particular pit I had to explore how far the rabbit hole went.
The first order of business had been deciding what had happened with Rachel's training. I had moved pretty fast- maybe too fast. She had gotten within a razor's edge of the truth the night before. But she hadn't seemed that bothered by it.
It certainly bothered the hell out of me. It was a byproduct that I had failed to consider with respect to the machine. It took a little while, but eventually I was willing to admit to myself that I had become a little drunk off of the power I had so quickly developed. Absolute power, yadda yadda yadda and all that. I had been blind, or at least more than a little short sighted with my assumptions.
The fragments I had been using during her training had succeeded in pushing Rachel past a small handful of her personal boundaries. I had even left one or two of those boundaries fully functional just to test the reach of my other statements. She was obviously more attracted to me. She was way more personally motivated when she was with me in general- and especially while she was giving me head. She had gone so far as to declare me a special client that got everything for free. At least everything out of her otherwise limited selection. A limitation I still intended to remove soon, if not immediately.
What I hadn't given enough thought to was how her own mind would come to terms with the changes that I had forced upon her psyche. There had seemed to be so little internal conflict with the statements- at least at first. That observation had lulled me into the false belief that there wouldn't be any at all during the process.
Rachel had started questioning her recently developed behaviors. The biggest and most obvious change to her routine in the past week had been the multiple hours she had lost while helping me with my "project." That would be my first suspicion as well. Hell, you'd have to be an idiot, or just simply oblivious not to come to that possible conclusion.
My explanation had seemed to mollify her, but I had no reason to believe that it would stay that way. Especially as I tried to push the limits even further. So- what to do about it? By midafternoon I had come to two mutually exclusive options.
The most obvious would be to use the machine to train her to be oblivious to the changes. I could use phrases like "I don't question any changes in my feelings for Benjamin" and "My new feelings for Benjamin are perfectly natural". The two of those combined
could
lead her to ignore the changes at face value. Or, if any of them caused enough conflict to push past the first, they would run headlong into the second and be therefore ruled as normal and acceptable.
This seemed like the safest, and possibly the simplest route to take. But even so, something about it didn't really sit right with me, at least with respect to Rachel. It seemed functional, but didn't really push any of my buttons. Sure, it would serve to keep me and my prototype trainer safe from discovery while still allowing me to warp the minds of others around me. But it rubbed against the idea that no problem is ever solved through ignorance. Something else, something I'm still failing to consider, could still be lurking in the shadows of that ignorance. And in the end I most likely wouldn't see it coming because the conflict was
perfectly natural
. Why would the subject have any reason to warn me about it? The answer, of course, was that they wouldn't.
The second option was to give away the training, but in the process make the subject complicit in the act. This could be accomplished with phrases like "Benjamin is changing me. He is training me to be who he wants me to be" and "Benjamin can change me in any way he wants. I love giving him that power over me". These would make the subject aware of and a willing accomplice in her own training.
This method had some considerable benefits the more I considered it. With that knowledge they could answer questions about it, or possibly even make suggestions regarding it that I could incorporate if I wanted to. It would allow them to warn me if something wasn't working out the way I had intended. Especially if I properly worded a few extra fragments to make that something they wanted to do. It would decrease the chances that they would accidentally betray me or my machine to others out of ignorance as well.
Of course, it also came with a few drawbacks that I had to consider. The most obvious was if they knew about the training then there was the possibility that their interpretation of my commands could give them room to use it against me. This could be avoided with fragments that were specific and clear. "I will never use the machine to train Benjamin" would serve to protect myself and "I will never use the machine to train myself without Benjamin's permission" would keep a subject from re-training themselves to escape my control.
There were pro's and con's to both of these approaches. A large part of my wasted time that day was spent circling old arguments over and over to finding possible loopholes or flaws in my logic. I knew that there were things that these simple commands wouldn't prevent, but I didn't think it would be wise to spend hours and hours of training with a specific list of things that subjects couldn't do. That seemed like it was just inviting someone to find a way around the letter of the law just to escape control.
If I made the subject aware of the control, and like it- if not relish or desire it outright- that seemed to safest method to be able to find issues as they cropped up. It would also allow me to engineer ways to prevent those escape routes from being considered viable, if not prevent the subjects from going down those lines of thought in the first place.
And that last bit brought me right back to just using the