She's late.
It's okay that she's late. It would be okay if she doesn't show tonight. It would be okay- well, I'm stretching the definition of
okay
a bit here- if she didn't show ever again. I'd steadied myself against the possibility months ago when this all started. I'd promised myself that I would work within the rules of the little game we play and nothing more.
It'll be okay if she's late-
There's a knock on the door and I'm on my feet in a heartbeat. I stop and smile to myself- denial is a helluva drug, isn't it?- and I force myself to move with unhurried steps to open up the door.
Priya's on the other side. She wears a dark sweater (designer), jeans (designer), stylish shoes (designer) and a withering glare (very much bespoke). She sweeps into the room, carelessly draping a handbag that costs more than the possessions in my apartment combined onto the couch. "Hello pervert."
"Good to see you too, Priya."
She sneered. Priya had the sort of arrogance that's entirely natural; that is to say, the sort of arrogance that came from being rich, from being from a well-connected family back in India, and being stunningly- painfully- gorgeous. It was an arrogance that had been cultivated over generations, passing down from daughter to daughter over the centuries; I could easily imagine Priya sitting on a jewelled throne, viciously berating some cowering husband for not sufficiently resisting the British. "Need anything? Water?"
"No." Her cupid-bow lips twist into distaste at the idea of my disgustingly common tap-water. "Let's just get on with it. This place is depressing."
I nod. I'd had plenty of time to get used to her snipes. They'd ranged from the casual ("You're nothing but trash"), to the personal ("You only do this because you couldn't get a woman any other way") to the genuinely frightening ("One phone call and I could destroy you. Remember that").
(After that last one I'd sent her away. I thought it was all over- surprise, surprise when she showed up the next week, spitting out something that vaguely resembled an apology).
Priya sighs theatrically, breaking me from my recollection. "Are you ready? Or did I just waste my Thursday night?"
"I'm ready." Priya came over most Thursdays, unless she was busy or decided that she hated me enough to not come one day or she was still upset about what happened the previous Thursday. Or that one Saturday night she showed up at my door at 3am, drunk and utterly unapologetic in her need. I'd made a point to keep my apartment clean(ish) just in case.
It's unclear if it ever made anything like a difference.
"Let's go over the rules," I say.
"Do we have to do this every time?"
"Yes," I say patiently. "Say the rules, Priya."
She stops and closes her eyes. Then she slowly said, "Rule one. I can leave at any time. Rule two. You're not going to force me to anything. You're only going to ask." She hesitates. "Rule three...rule three, if I leave...I won't be a good girl."
"And?"
"...Bad girls don't get rewarded." She's promising silent murder with her eyes.
"Thank you. Now-"
"Why?"
"Why what?" I ask.
"Why don't you just- push me to do things? If you were more aggressive, then..."
It's my turn to hesitate. It was dangerous to tell her but I'd promised myself that I'd be honest. One of the more unspoken rules that I followed. "Do you know how you train a dog?"
"Are you calling me a dog?"
I ignore her. "You train a dog with patience and kindness and repetition. Not cruelty. Not force."
"You couldn't train a dog that way?"
"You could- if you wanted to do it wrong. If you wanted to end up with a messed up pet- stressed and damaged and mentally unsound. If you were a bastard."
Priya mutters in a silken whisper, "So you're training me to be your little
bitch
?" She wants to look angry- she probably is angry- but there's a flicker of amusement on her cold face, a hot spark that promises me:
You think I'm a bitch? I am, little man. I'm more bitch than you'll ever be.
I say, "Strip down."
She doesn't move. I repeat the command in the same soft, gentle tone of voice. With an abrupt jerk she pulls her sweater up over her head. A moment later she kicks off her designer shoes and unbuttons her jeans.
I should be used to the sight of her. I'm not. I'm not sure I ever will be. Priya's skin is light brown and silky smooth. Her hair is dark and long and lustrous, spilling down over her shoulders to brush against the tops of her breasts. Her proportions are the best sort of pleasing. She wears silken purple matching underwear (designer) and a wary expression (bespoke).
"The underwear too."
It took a lot of efforts and a lot of arguments for her to get to the point where she would take off her shirt. Getting down to her underwear took the better part of a month. Nudity was the work of multiple months, including a gap of three weeks where I asked myself precisely why I wasted so much time and energy on Priya when the world was full of women who'd be happy to get to this stage with much, much less effort and pain.
Still, persistence and patience have paid off. Without breaking eye contact she reaches behind and unhooks her bra. She throws it carelessly to the floor and her breasts- moderately sized but so wonderfully shaped, capped by two dark brown nipples- sag just a little as gravity works its will on them. She hooks her thumbs through the lacy fabric of her panties and pushes down. She meets my eyes.
And there it is; there's the other Priya. There's the woman that has marched out of my shitty apartment a dozen times but always comes back. There's the woman who threatens me but never delivers, the woman who calls me a pervert but wears slinky underwear to our meetings. The woman who claims to hate this but who's pussy- exposed to the eyes of some poor British university student- is glistening right now with moisture.
The woman who loves what I make her do.