I remember my brother asking me, "Sandra, why do you have to be such a bitch all the time?"
I never really had a good answer, I suppose though, it's a question that doesn't really need an answer. I was a bitch in the moment, because that's how I felt in the moment, do you really need another reason to behave in a certain way?
I wasn't trying to be a bitch or anything, I was just trying to get through my day.
I know I'm not very pretty, most people wouldn't give me a second look. I was kind of a band geek, I did the normal things that kids do. I did the fundraisers, I did the camps, but nothing ever happens like in the movies. I never stuck an instrument in my pussy, and I never got the boy. I was skinny an overly tall awkward, and I tended to just melt into the background.
So here I am, sitting at the bar with my little brother asking me why I have to be such a bitch. I'm spacing out because I can't even figure out the point in his asking. Why complain about shit that's never going to change. I mean, what's the point in it being a bitch or complaining about being a bitch? I just really can't care, because I'm always going to be invisible.
Being invisible is kinda awesome. It's like a superpower even, and I got used to it. I even count on it from time to time. I just want to go on with my business.
"Fuck off, dick bag." is what I told him. I didn't mean anything by it, I just wanted him to go away. And predictably he did go away, he stormed out towards the door, when his head moved like it was on a swivel. He snapped his head around to watch the buxom blonde girl to the left, as he headed through the door. Her airy laughter filled the space between us. I don't know why, but it made me angry, seeing his attentions pulled by her so quickly and easily.
"God damn fucking whores." I said it under my breath. I didn't mean for anybody else to hear it, I don't even know why I said it. Like I said, I didn't mean to be a bitch, things just come out that way sometimes.
"Actually , she's not a Whore," a voice from behind me spoke out clearly, startling me. I jumped forward, turning towards the voice. He was a handsome man, in his late thirties or early forties. His longish, straight, glossy, black hair came down past his collar. He wasn't sleazy, his bearing was rather formal.
"No, she's not a whore , she's a bimbo, there is a serious difference."
Confident in my innate invisibility, I had no idea what to do when caught in such an embarrassing situation. "I, I..."
"You, you what? You make assumptions, You make snap decisions about an entire person based on a look or a laugh? What qualifies you to be judge and jury? Is that a thing in this bar that I should know about? Who the fuck are you anyway?"
He had me way off balance, He wasn't speaking loudly and he wasn't angry. His words were just clear and concise, commanding.
I wasn't invisible anymore, I had way more attention than I knew what to do with, and all I really wanted to do was get away and disappear.
"Fuck you and your opinions, fuck... "
My eyes couldn't focus properly, and I sat down hard, almost falling off my bar stool.
"Easy there, calm down. Pay your tab, and come back here."
Pay my tab. Yes, that makes sense.
I blundered to the bar, signed my bill and lumbered back to my seat.
"Breathe for a moment, you're overwrought."
"I'm not a bitch, it just comes out wrong."
"I'm sure that's true, sit down and finish your drink."
Finish it? Yes. My panties were getting wetter and wetter every time he told me what to do.
"Good girl. Now follow me to the car."
"I shouldn't be driving."
"You won't be."
Ok.
"Who is this?"
"She's a new toy."
Oh God, it's the whore.
"Fantastic! You know how I love new toys."
"She won't be ready for a while, so don't pout. I think she has potential."
"Follow me, honey. This toy is nice and tall, I wish I was taller."
The bimbo's ass rocked up and down side to side as she walked in those punishing high heels in front of me, the swath of her blonde hair almost covering the plunge of the back of her dress.
How humiliating to be near her, with all the men staring at her perfect tits and ass. Those legs, how can I be invisible with all the men staring? Those heels must be five inches tall, and that dress less than that.
"Keep moving, new toy," He said, "follow Sam to the car."
I don't want to go. I don't want to be here. Why am I following her? Why can't I leave?
"No..." I said weakly.
"I guess the compliance I dropped in your drink was too small a dosage. Well, there is always the direct approach."