My Journal First Update

I'm really glad that I've started actually completing my assignments. I'm actually a little embarrassed that I've been such a complete slacker since the course went almost completely online. I never really took online education that seriously but I'm learning that it has a place in the educational system. I can't believe though that I went a month without completing any assignments after we stopped actually going to our classroom. Now I have a lot of catching up to do.

I think I'm starting to understand why we need to keep a journal and posting it online. It really kind of helped me focus on my thoughts and reflect I suppose. Since the quarantine I've really had a hard time with that. I don't normally have problems with depression, but I really was getting incredibly depressed with everything that has been going on. Even going for walks or jogging in the park was depressing me. It was strange and even a little unsettling being in the park seeing people wearing masks and even turning away as I walked past. And then there is the loneliness. So much of my social life was centered on going places and now those places are closed down until further notice.

So, catching up on assignments is going to be a challenge. I finally took that quiz that I've been putting off. I'm glad that it isn't a graded quiz but rather a personality evaluation. Some of the questions were confusing and hopefully my answers don't make me sound weird. It was an interesting quiz though. I've never really watched or seen much porn, so it was interesting to watch video clips and then answer multiple choice questions about each one and then rate how interesting the clip was. I'm not very familiar with porn, so rating clips was strange for me. Hopefully I gave good answers, but I suppose it doesn't matter since the quiz wasn't graded.

I'm still watching the relaxation videos and practicing my yoga to help me with my depression and anxiety. It really has helped a lot, and I am feeling both mentally and physically re-charged. The dancing has been exhausting but I need to do it because I am getting credit in the course for it. Its not just a great way to stay fit but also apparently we are graded on it.

I was really happy about the encouragement that I got after the first time I tried dancing. I was a little nervous about it because I wasn't used to people seeing me naked like that. I wasn't too worried about dancing because I've taken a few dance classes and usually get good feedback but I've never danced in front of a webcam before. The feedback has been positive and I am very flattered by the comments that I've been getting but apparently its not enough just to get nice comments. We also have a grading system that is kind of confusing to me.

Last Friday the instructor told me that I was off to a good start with my dancing but still had to work on my rating and token count. It sounds pretty simple and straight forward but its kind of confusing. So I guess the people watching me dance grade my dancing on a 1 to 5 star system, where 1 star is like an F and 5 stars in an A. I've had a couple of people rate my dancing as either 4 or 5 stars which is good I guess, though I have to admit I would prefer all 5's. We are also rated by how many tokens we receive. I'm not sure exactly how that works but according to the instructor I am way behind and really need to work on catching up.

This past weekend I spend almost the whole day both Saturday and Sunday dancing so that I could catch up on my token count. It seems to have helped a lot but I still have a long way to go so I am going to be spending a lot more time dancing in front of my webcam hoping to get my token count up. Its going to be hard because even when I am tired and my muscles start getting sore I have to keep dancing as good as I can because if I don't, then my rating goes down. Its a real challenge to be able to dance well so that people like me and rate me at 5 stars but also put in the extra hours to get my token count caught up.

Its really important I guess that I get caught up on dancing and its a good thing that I finally took that quiz. According to the instructor we aren't allowed to go on dates until we finish that quiz and reach a high enough token count and have a minimum 4 star rating for our dancing. I'm both nervous and excited about being able to leave my apartment to go out for private dances and out dates. It will be nice to meet people and have a place to go again.