My name is Lee. You don't know me. We've never met. I'm fifty-four years old, married for thirty years to Teri, a wonderful woman and the most understanding person on the planet. I need to tell you a story that I heard about a year ago. I've changed the names to protect the unfortunate.
Last year, a routine physical exam started a three-month adventure that left Don in the position that most men dread. He had a permanent, no reasonable options, case of erectile disfunction. Permanent ED. The subject of male nightmares.
The urologist told him that most cases of prostate cancer progressed slowly and most men would live normal lives without a real threat from the disease. His case, however, was more aggressive and the doctor counseled him to take immediate action. The doctor and Don discussed the many options available for treatment. All had side effects including erectile disfunction. Christie, his wife, and he discussed it and investigated surgery. They met with the surgeon and he explained the process and told them he would save as many of the nerves as possible. He all but guaranteed that Don would still experience orgasms after surgery. That sounded like the best outcome to Christie and Don.
Don had the surgery. Complete removal of his prostate.
The surgery was a success but the patient's sex life died.
Don hasn't had an erection since the surgery. He tried everything the doctors recommended, prescription medications, penile injections and vacuum tubes, without a hint of an erection.
He's had orgasms, although not quite what he expected. Gone were the back arching, toes curled, hips thrusting expulsions of semen and sperm. The orgasms were more like a short circuit of his genital nervous system that were more painful than enjoyable and caused him to bend over in a ball to relieve the feeling. And all of it without an erection. Who ever heard of an orgasm without an erection? Christie speculated that they sounded more like the orgasms she experienced.
Christie was incredibly understanding. She was willing to masturbate and orally stimulate him to orgasm. For Don, it wasn't worth her sacrifice since there was little benefit for her and he wasn't really a fan of his new form of orgasm. They did engage in oral and other activities that included Christie but, without the happy ending, even those activities were less than satisfying for either of them.
Christie was post-menopausal, so the decrease in sexual activity was natural to her and she adapted well.
Not so for Don. He was a psychological basket case. He knew he should expect the gradual loss of sexual activity as he aged but he had been denied the experience of slow diminishment. He had turned off and it was an emotional calamity.
He was in a personal funk that was affecting his relationship with Christie. With therapy, he tried a number of things to redirect his thinking. Masturbation was a non-starter. Sexual activity with Christie was unsuccessful since he couldn't get past thinking she was doing it for him and she wasn't enjoying it as much as she used to.
Pornography on-line was a brief relief but failed quickly since it was repetitive and unrealistic with actors with unreasonably sized erections and breasts. Christie suggested that Don try having sex with another woman to see if the problem was limited to their relationship. She even suggested a number of her friends that she was sure would be glad to offer their assistance. Don declined the offer. He wasn't about to violate his vows to Christie even with her approval. Privately, he couldn't survive the humiliation of failure during a sure thing.
Don tried reading erotic stories on-line. Most of them were incoherent descriptions of inconceivable sex acts full of spelling, grammatical and syntactical errors. Every once in a while, a well written story with an actual plot and a reasonable description of why the characters were having sex crossed his screen.
He had two thoughts when that happened. "Not bad," and "I can do better than that."
Christie had always complemented him on his imagination. With Christie, Teri and me as his editors, he began to write a couple of short stories and submitted them to a popular web site. They were well received and he's been writing stories for the last seven months. He's discovered that expressing his sexual fantasies in writing and posting them for others to read has had a calming effect on his psychological difficulties.
His therapist and his wife agree that, for him, it is the appropriate approach. He submits a story about every two weeks. Christie and he tried out some of his more adventurous ideas and it led to a complete realignment of their relationship. I think they're more in love than they've ever been.
About a month ago, Teri and I attended a huge family wedding. It was one of those affairs with hundreds of attendees where most of the guests knew few, if any of the other guests and no one was available to introduce the strangers.
It was after the reception dinner. Teri and I had been dancing to the loud music with a heavy beat. I needed a break. Teri understood and began to twist and gyrate with a couple of other partnerless women while I went to the bar for hydration and refreshment. While waiting for the bartender to fill my request, I noticed a younger woman, probably in her mid-forties, siting alone at a table in the back of the room, not far from our table. She was quite attractive and I thought it was impossible that she was alone. I noticed what she was drinking and asked the bartender for a glass of white wine.
I took both drinks to her table and offered her the wine. She looked up at me. She took the glass. "Thank you," she said. "Do I know you?"
"I don't think we've ever met," I told her. "May I sit?"
"Why not," she said and sipped her wine.
I sat and sipped my drink. "You look lonely," I said.
"I don't know why I came," she said.
"A friend of the bride?" I asked.
"Never met her," she said. "A friend of the third bridesmaid."
I suppressed a laugh. "Sounds familiar," I said. "I think my wife is a fourth cousin of the bride on her mother's side."
She laughed. "You have a beautiful laugh," I told her. "Do you have a name to match?"
"Bethany," she told me.
