Blake used to finish his twice-weekly racquetball game at the athletic club and hurry right back home. But today was different. Oh, he'd enjoyed the game all right. It helped him get out some of the agressions that built up during the week in his high-pressure executive job. But he was dawdling. He'd taken a couple of extra showers... combed his hair four or five different ways... what was he avoiding?
He knew.
He didn't want to go home.
Blake used to think that after he and his girlfriend Bonnie moved in together, his life would be complete. But now he wasn't so sure. Bonnie had changed. Maybe it was because now that they lived together, she felt she didn't need to snag her man, but she behaved differently. She talked incessantly about her career. Why did she even need a career? Blake made more than enough money for the both of them. And she made demands — demands that were worded in such a way that Blake didn't feel there was any room for negotiation. She said things like, "If you can't write down your withdrawals in the check register, you're not going to be allowed to have an ATM card." Where it was assumed that what she says, goes. And she'd lost most of her interest in sex.
It wasn't the kind of thing Blake was in a hurry to get back to.
A guy on the other side of the locker room noticed Blake. "What's the matter?" he wanted to know as he packed up his gym bag. "Get on home!"
"Ahhh," Blake muttered. "Don't feel like it."
"Let me guess," ventured the stranger. "Your woman takes you for granted. Talks about her friends, her business..."
"Yeah, that's it!" said Blake, pointing. "How did you know?"
"Seen it a million times," said the man. "You need Doctor Bimbo."
"Doctor Who?"
The stranger pulled out a pad of paper and a pen. "They call him Dr Bimbo. His real name's Dr Barbeau. But he earned that nickname." He offered the name and number to Blake. "He has developed a medicinal treatment that takes today's woman and makes her into a 'fifties caricature of a sex kitten. Right down to the Jayne Mansfield squeal."
"He can make her want to fuck all the time?" asked Blake, suddenly interested. "With me?"
"Morning, noon, and night," chuckled the stranger. "And no more talk about career. Her 'career' will be pleasing you. And she won't even be smart enough for those topics any more."
"Wow!" said Blake, wiping his brow. "Can I call him right now?"
"I'd give him an hour or so," suggested the man. "And let me tell you one more thing. You didn't ask, but I know you'd like to know. The doc calls this a 'side effect'."
"What?" whispered Blake.
"The treatment gives them giant tits," smiled the stranger.
"You mean like — D-cups?" Blake asked.
The stranger smiled. "At least."
"Oh, my God," Blake nearly whooped. He pumped the man's hand furiously. "Thank you. Thank you. You may have saved my life!" Blake ran out of the locker room, leaving the stranger chuckling among the mildew and wet towels. "He'll call," said the stranger, half to himself.
"Honey, I'm home!" Blake called to Bonnie when he entered the house. She was sitting on the couch, going over the mail. Blake looked at her. It's not that she was unattractive. She had light brown hair in a stylish short cut. The jacket of her two-piece business suit covered up what she was lacking in the bustline department, but cleverly featured a daring short skirt that showed off her legs nicely. She was starting to look pretty good to Blake. Then she spoke.
"Glad you're here," said his girlfriend, in a tone of voice that didn't indicate she was glad at all. "I need you to explain some of these charges on your Visa."
Blake beat a hasty retreat. "Not right now," he said, dropping his gym bag in the bedroom. "I have a call to make." He closed the bedroom door behind him.
"Blake, this is important! — " Bonnie's voice dissappeared behind the door. Blake dialed the number. A low, well-modulated voice answered. "Dr Barbeau speaking."
"Is this 'Dr Bimbo'?" asked Blake.
There was a silence. "Yes, it is," said the voice. "What can I do for you?"
"Oh, I think you know," said Blake.
"Yes, I do," said the doctor. "I will send a car in half an hour. Send a large but unspecified amount of money along with her in a suitcase — in twenties and fifties."
"What?" sputtered Blake.
"Blake, this isn't the sort of thing that's covered by your HMO, you know," said the doctor.
"Well — how much?" asked Blake.
"You know how the cereal boxes say 'sold by weight — not by volume'?" asked the mysterious voice.
"Yes?"
"Go by volume. Fill the suitcase up."
"Right, right," agreed Blake. "Okay, I got it. Her name's Bonnie — "
"For now," said the voice, mysteriously.
" — and the address is..."
"No need," reassured Dr Bimbo. "I've got it."
"Oh, okay. You've got — hey! Wait a minute! How do you have my address? What the hell is going on here?" Blake demanded to know.